Hi, and thanks for the add to the forum. I'm a 48 year old guy, outwardly successful in terms of a long military career and an even longer career as a surgeon, but it took the first 46 years of broken relationships to finally get in touch with my CPTSD. My story isn't particularly graphic and I honestly think I avoided the diagnosis because my experience wasn't "bad enough," but in working with a new therapist my eyes were opened.
My big struggles are with emotional regulation and a crippling fear of rejection in relationships. My latest partner of 9 months just recently broke up with me because I avoided talking about the debt my two divorces left me with, and she definitely had strong feelings about debt in general. I also had a few episodes of emotional dysregulation where I got verbally mean, and despite explaining that these are treatable symptoms she had no interest in couples therapy or giving me anymore chances. I'm still very much heartbroken by this because I thought I had come so much further through DBT and meds than I thought I had. So it's hard not to feel irrevocably broken, even if I can talk myself down from that negative self talk now.
I'm looking forward to participating and finding healing here. I know that a close, healthy relationship is probably out there for me but I really start to lose hope sometimes.
Hi Pete,
Welcome :heythere:
Hello, and welcome. I'm glad you found us. I am sorry your relationship has broken down recently. Sadly, the emotional flashbacks and resultant dysregulation are unlikely to go away completely, but as you say they are treatable and ultimately manageable. I recommend you read Pete Walker's books if you haven't already. He likens CPTSD to diabetes - something that can be very problematic and is a lifelong issue to be aware of but is something that need not hamper one's life too much with appropriate awareness and treatment. Wishing you all the best.
Hi Pete and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm! :heythere:
So sorry to hear about your recent breakup, sadly relationships are really tough for so many of us. A stressful situation like this can definitely bring a lot of symptoms to the surface because it takes us back to the ways in which we were hurt previously and how we felt - all the fear, sadness, feelings of rejection, anger we experienced in the past.
You likely have come a long way in recovery, but CPTSD symptoms are more managed than gone forever so when we are under a lot of stress there they are again. Just my thoughts of course, but I hope you won't be too hard on yourself and won't lose hope.
Hello Pete,
I can relate to what you wrote, particularly— "I know that a close, healthy relationship is probably out there for me but I really start to lose hope sometimes."
As I feel healthier than ever and wish for a reciprocal loving partner, I know I can't control that happening... I'm not going to squelch my desire to meet someone, but it is challenging to stay open-hearted and hopeful.
I have found meaningful friendships through this forum and I hope you do too.