Hi Love Bug,
I know sometimes when you have big feelings and scary memories, it can be hard to remember what's real about what's happening right now. I'm writing you this letter for when you feel scared and lost in the twisty roads of memory and want to find your way back home to where we really are now. Our home is a safe, warm, gentle place with just you, me, and our cute little doggy. I hope this letter will help remind you that when you're lost in the deep, dark forest of painful memories that our real life home is a safe place to come for shelter.
Our home is a small, warm nest full of bright colours, soft surfaces, and yummy food. Our home is a safe place to cry, laugh, play music, play games, talk loudly, rest in the quiet, or snuggle under a big warm blanket with our friendly dog. Our home is full of colourful art that was made by hand. Our lamps have light bulbs that were chosen for their soft, warm glow and our fridge and cupboard are stocked with lots of different tasty things to try. Feel free to take as much as you like and eat and drink until you feel full and comfortable.
Your soft penguin plushie can sit next to you in the empty chair at the kitchen table of you ever need some extra company. He can also sit on the window ledge in the bathroom next to the radio when you take a shower. You can play music, dim the lights, and bring your plushie to make showers feel more safe. We can run the water and test the temperature to get it just right before stepping inside the shower and you can wrap yourself in a big, soft towel the moment you step out. Your penguin will be on the window ledge waiting for a big hug as soon as you're ready.
The dresser drawers and bedroom closet are filled with clothes that are all big, loose, and soft. No tight fits, no itchy fabrics, no small sizes. If anything ever feels too tight, we can always go to the store and get a bigger size. I will always be here to remind you that clothes are meant to change to fit us and that we are not meant to change to fit clothes. The mirror on the back of the door is the only mirror in the bedroom and we can open the door all the way and hide it against the wall if you don't want to see it.
On the wall above the dresser, there is a very, very big rainbow flag. Big enough to wrap yourself in or wear as a cape. The rainbow flag means that everyone deserves to love themselves and all of the special people in their lives. It means that everyone is equally lovable even though everyone's body and heart is different and unique. The rainbow flag means that boys can play with Barbies, and girls can play with Hot Wheels, and anyone can wear a dress or not wear a dress depending on how they feel inside.
On our fridge, there are a lot of colourful magnets with different words and pictures on them. Some of the magnets talk about how art is special and important, some of the magnets talk about how girls are smart and strong, and some of the magnets talk about how girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys. Each of the magnets has a special story behind where it came from and how it came to live on our fridge. I would be happy to tell you each magnet's story as many times as you like.
One of the magnets is holding up a list of our house rules that I wrote just for you. This list doesn't talk about chores, or punishments, or anything to be afraid of. It talks about how you are the boss of your body, how no one is allowed to hurt your body or your heart, and how you can always say no to touches you don't like. It talks about how you can always come and ask for a hug, how you can always ask for more to eat, and how you are always allowed to take breaks and ask for help. I know the word "rules" can sound very scary, but I wrote this list to show you that we only have rules that feel good and safe and that we don't have any rules that hurt or feel bad. Rules like that aren't allowed in our home.
I tried to make our home a place that would feel happy and safe. I would love to hear if there are things I can change to make it better that could help you feel even happier and safer. If there's something you don't like or something that scares you, I will always be here to listen so we can fix it and help you feel better. The most important thing I learned as a grown up is that loving someone means caring about how they feel on the inside even when they aren't talking about how they feel out loud. I love you with my whole heart and I feel so honoured when you feel safe enough to tell me when you aren't okay. Our home is for you and you deserve to always feel good here.
So when you get lost in the forest of scary memories, I'll reach out my hand so I can lead you back to our safe home. I'll always be here to make you a tea, and give you a hug, and tuck you into bed.
With all my love,
The Grown Up You Become
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