I went no contact with my family. I only have my son and my dad. My son lives with my dad.
I am about to send an e-mail to the foster care organisation. They wrote a plan to improve cooperation. The systems therapist knows my story. And recommends solo parallel parenting. With only ultralow contact with dad. And no systems therapy. After my son moves out, in a few years, there will be no contact with dad. She says my wish for dad to behave like a dad, is too high an ideal. And I should let go.
I think I will say this is my wish.
I'm terrified of dads response. Also I am in pain. I've literally wailed ouch ouch ouch a moment ago. I love my father so much. I want a father-daughter relationship so much. He could love and appreciate my brothers. Why could he not love me? See me? Understand me?
I'm also terrified of the effect on the contact with my son. I'm also wailing because I will likely not have my son back. And I have to watch him grow up in that family, that wrecked our lives. And he is safe in only for as long as he goes along with their lies.
But I cannot do it anymore. He's messing up my mind with all the gaslighting and triangulation. It disturbs my care for kid.
I will leave an opening. That I am willing to try systems therapy if dad shows a convincing willingness to make a very active attempt to change. And to heal all the bonds in our family. That his triangulation wrecked.
I hurt.