For context, I have been NC with uBPm for 6 years. She sexually, emotionally, and physically abused me.
I got a text from my dad's dad the other day. Even though my parents are now divorced, my M still sees her in-laws. He told me that M wanted to see where we lived and so he drove her past my house about. He told me it was time for my mom and I to fix this.
She did not have my address before this. She lives about 1.5 hours away, but my dad's parents live about 10 min up the road from me.
I feel like this is a threat. And now I'm paranoid about her lurking in my neighborhood or trying to see my kids. I don't know what (if anything) to do.
This is a gross invasion of privacy on the part of your grandfather. Telling you to fix this with your mother was out of order. Does he know any of the history? If not it is still not his place to interfere but if he does it makes it worse.
I think you should consider informing him that you will not be contacting your mother and his intrusion is unwelcome if you have not yet responded.
I'm not sure what you might do other than keep a watchful eye while trying not to get too worried. How old are the kids?
So sorry this has happened
The kids are 10, 9, and 7. So far I've ignored my grandfather, but if I say nothing my guess is that he will continue to enable her. He knows the very broad outline of my story (I was abused) but doesn't know any details.
I have to agree with NarcKiddo, your GD really overstepped and especially so given he knows there is a problem between you. IMO it might be best to "nip this in the bud" and let him know how much his actions have triggered you and that you do not want him to overstep again like that. You may also want to convey a message to her through your GD telling her to stay away. If he doesn't get it it may be time to share some of the details so he understands what is at stake for you.
If something does happen such as she shows up at your door or tries to make nice with your children when they are playing outside you can likely get a restraining order based on how she treated you.
Sorry you are dealing with this :hug:
Just saw this thread of yours again.
Yikes, I'd be careful of getting back in contact with any of them after this very recent event. I really feel for you, they've put you in a horrible situation. Would they leave you be at the funeral? Could you sit apart from them with a personal bodyguard (good friend unequivocally on your side, as I suggested in the other post) and remain emotionally untouched by any of their shenanigans or even just looks or...?
It depends on how stable you are and how triggered you might get just being in the same room as them, for instance. Some people with cptsd might get totally derailed and IME it's not worth it. Your emotional health and well-being take priority, I hope so anyway. I had to get very badly retraumatised twice in order to realise this for myself though.
Thanks Blueberry! I hear you. Going to talk it over with my T in a couple of days.