ptsd/c-ptsd and hormones combined with headaches/sleep issues occasionally are not a good combination. I really relate to some discussions on here.
Today I had some pretty severe ideation and reached out to a hotline, which is always a gamble of sorts.
with my therapy, I've had a bunch of flashbacks and there's a trauma incident I keep reenacting (neglect/punishment). I'm safe and have therapy this week and I'm probably talking more seriously about pmdd/hormones with my psychiatrist.
I feel like trauma and being triggered makes hormonal ideation (may or may not the case) 1000 times worse. like I need to hide from myself. etc. just really rough this week.
do others relate? anything that helps? I'm learning how to calm down when parts are really activated.
Hi em87,
I'm sorry to hear your struggles. You aren't alone in these feelings and reactions. Im glad to see that you reached out for help when you were feeling the tug of ideation.
Those times when reenactments come up are really intense. If you think about it, reenactments are like you are actively reliving the trauma in the present in the most literal way. So I've found I need to treat myself as though I currently am going or have just gone through the trauma that is being reenacted. What would I need right after X trauma? What would you need right after X trauma? What would a child need right after X trauma? To me it makes absolute sense that ideation is coming up if you are reenacting a past trauma. Maybe it means that what you went through felt so bad that dying would have been preferable. But then there are 2 parts to this - treat yourself how you would need to be treated in the immediate aftermath of the trauma but ALSO remind yourself in as many ways as you can that the trauma was in the past and is not happening now. Give yourself proof in as many ways as possible. None of this is 100% effective immediately but over time things start to soften. Keep going, have faith there will be better times and these horrible symptoms will get a bit better over time even if they don't go away completely.
Regarding PMS/PMDD my personal sense is they amplify symptoms, removing a buffer between you and the symptoms. If you are frustrated normally then add PMDD you become raging angry. If you feel a little ashamed you become paralyzed with shame etc.
The symptoms are real but they get multiplied in intensity.