Hey, all,
I'd love to read your experiences. Prior to starting my healing journey, I was super, super productive. (Maybe overly so.) I now find I have days where I just sort of ... exist. I don't do much of anything, nor do I feel driven to do so. I feel like I want to spend the day watching Instagram reels, or YouTube clips, or taking my dog for a walk, or simply sitting outside in the sun. Is this normal, or am I becoming irresponsibly lazy?
As always, just my thoughts Storyworld but maybe by being super productive as you say you were, you were chasing away the trauma, pushing it down/away and now you're starting to look at it/feel it? So likely not laziness but you starting to recover if that's what's going on.
I don't know if you are seeing a therapist but they can help you as you let go of some of the strategies (and we all use them) to stave off anger, gried, sadness because of what has happened to us. You may need to numb out by not doing as much, watching TV, etc., as a way of taking things bit by bit. And being here is helpful to as you share your story and read other members' posts.
I think it is probably a necessary part of healing. Rewiring the brain is actually exhausting work. Any re-building of the body is. Think how tired you are when you are ill. I find myself gravitating towards a particularly mindless Internet game aimed at 8 year olds when I am emotionally drained but don't actually want to sleep.
What is worth considering, I guess, is prioritising what is important to you in terms of productivity. Then you can gear your energy towards what YOU want or need to achieve for your own wellbeing. Being productive for the sake of it can be a sign that we are pushing trauma away, as Kizzie has suggested. I think it can also be a sign of us doing what we think we need to do for acceptance from others.
Kizzie and NarcKiddo,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. That makes sense. NarcKiddo, I like your idea about prioritizing. I'm grateful I have a very supportive husband who gives me a lot of slack.
I hadn't thought about the energy expelled "rewiring" our brains. That makes a lot of sense, also.