I've been processing a lot since high school ending. I had a job interview today, and who did I call right after? my mom. once again, I'm tied into a family crisis I need to set firm boundaries with.
I'm also processing a lot currently with emdr, so this is all for now. curious about if others have struggled with 'lies' they've told themselves about trauma vs what actually happened. for now I feel like a compulsive liar. I don't want the truth of my sexual trauma to be real.
Welcome to the forum em87.
Welcome to the forum em87 :heythere:
You're already in processing and on your healing journey, that's great. Not that it's fun or anything, but it's a good step.
I don't know about 'lies' in my case more denial plus a deep sense of "It wasn't that bad compared to every body else's trauma" instilled by FOO (family of origin). At least I am now mostly able to write on here "Yes, it was that bad" and even believe it in my heart of hearts. I wish for you that little by little those things you call 'lies' will diminish. For now, they're probably a necessary protection. Sorry if that's all clear to you already.
After your job interview you called your M, but then you signed up here and wrote an intro and you told us The bold is the most important. I came on here now to write a letter to my sibs that I will never send in that form to protect me from opening myself up too much in an email I want/need to send. I am very low contact (VLC) rather than no contact and juggle what is necessary and sensible to write versus what my innermost hurt inner children would like to write.... You're not alone with any of this, you'll find out when you read other people's posts too.
This is a wonderfully supportive forum full of people who have been where you have been. Once again, a warm welcome and I hope to hear more of you on the forum when you're ready.
Welcome. I hope the interview went well.
I am sorry that you are tied into a family crisis. It is good that you recognise the need to set firm boundaries because that means you are aware that boundaries are an option. I'd like to take the opportunity here to remind you that boundaries are for your benefit and can be put in place without necessarily telling the other person, if you feel that voicing them may simply provoke bad behaviour.
Coming to terms with trauma can be a long, hard road. If you have minimised aspects of trauma, or the whole trauma, as a means to survive and function there is nothing wrong with that and it does not make you a liar. It makes you someone who is looking after themself in whatever way necessary until such time as you are able safely to process more of what happened.
Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS em87 :heythere: I think most of us here have told ourselves lies about our trauma at one time or another. And the reason is it's to protect ourselves from the pain of knowing. Once we know what happened to us we feel the pain again and we can't unknow what we've tried to keep at bay in some cases for a very long time.
I hope you find the EMDR helpful and when you're ready to share more here please do as that can help too.