Hi,
I have a lot of trauma surrounding sleep. My father would SA me at night, and my ex would also drug me and SA me once I was passed out.
Now, when I try to sleep, I immediately launch into fight or flight and either stay up all night or have constant disruptions to my sleep. I talk, yell, and walk in my sleep, and it just is never restful. My flashbacks get worse the second I close my eyes, and it's just a constant panic attack
I've tried melatonin but it triggers the trauma of being drugged by my ex, so it ends up being worse
Has anyone had success with anything like this? I have tried everything I can think of and my therapist has recommended aside from medication, which I'm thinking may be the next step
I am so sorry for what you went through Laurrr and are struggling with now. Sleep is essential to our health and well being and that was taken away from you. Perhaps you could speak with your physician and see about medication? Given the circumstances it may be the only route right now to getting some sleep.
Medication is probably the best if you can tolerate it and not be triggered around feeling drugged. :grouphug:
I'm sorry for everything you went through. Not getting enough sleep makes healing a lot harder and longer.
A couple suggestions that won't heal it all, but worth trying when you have trouble falling asleep...can you try a yoga nidra video to listen to? Those tend to help me get sleepy and relaxed. It won't help you stay asleep but maybe it will help you fall asleep and give your mind something else to focus on.
The other thing I had to do for awhile...about 5 yrs...was force myself to stay up super late like 1 or 2 am because then I could fall asleep and stay asleep till morning time. That was better than falling asleep at 11 and then waking 1-5 then falling asleep finally only to have the alarm go off at 630.
Eventually...resting and de-stressing what I could, healing, processing, I got so I could sleep again. Now I sleep 6 or 7 hrs a night and it makes a big difference. I was doing a lot of reenactments at night too and once I caught on that I was doing that I was able to talk myself into not doing that anymore...telling myself I'm safe it's not happening anymore. Nothing is the one best trick but eventually it'll come together for you. :hug:
Thank you Kizzie and Armee! I think I'll reach out to the psychiatrist this week. I really like those suggestions, I think it's going to be a long journey to be able to sleep well, but I'm finally in a safe space to be able to work on it :)
Hope they are able to help Laurrr :zzz:
Hey Laurrrr I am sorry for what happened to you. I have struggled with restlessness during nights my entire life. My anti depressants help somewhat to keep my nervous system at ease. The other thing that really helps me is physical contact to a small body.
I understand how this could actually trigger you and make it worse.
For me it works. The body of an adult is too much but when my children snuggle up to me I can relax. A cat or small dog can work too.
Hey DDD! Thank you, yes I usually have a cat (or two) laying on or with me, and I find that calming! I felt silly but I got a weighted stuffed animal that I hold at night and was comforted by it as well!
Well since we're being open about stuffed animals ;D (I can't have pets because I am really allergic.) I love red pandas so my H bought me a stuffed one one and I cuddle him at night.
;D
Me too. Giant stuffed pineapple 🍍
OMG a pineapple?! That is too funny Armee ;D :thumbup:
He has big fuzzy fronds that I can rub like a security blanket and he's big and squishy
I love that!! Mine is a giraffe :)
Quote from: laurrrr on March 24, 2025, 03:16:14 AMHey DDD! Thank you, yes I usually have a cat (or two) laying on or with me, and I find that calming! I felt silly but I got a weighted stuffed animal that I hold at night and was comforted by it as well!
There's zero shame in having stuffed animals as an adult. There are people who need to suck their thumb to stay calm. I slept with the lights on until I was 14. I still do sometimes when I sleep alone and get disoriented from waking up regularly. If it helps, it's not silly. <3
I'm sorry to hear about your insomnia. I can relate; I struggled with chronic insomnia for decades. It's much better now that I'm in recovery from my childhood abuse but I want to recommend Mirtazapine. Taken in very low dosage it acts as a sleep aide. It's non habit forming and very gentle.
Thank you, Edie! I will definitely look into it. I like that it is non-habit-forming :)
Hey. Sorry you suffered like that, and still do.
I had sleeping problems before. Not now. But in the past. Some ideas, pick or leave whatever suits you/doesn't suit you.
- I left my lights on in all of the house.
- I left soothing music on.
- I used essential oils like neroli or lavender.
- I used herbs: saffron, chamomile, valerian, oil of oregano. None of these long-term. All may trigger the drug experience, take care.
- I had a friend who slept in my house a few times when it was real bad. Or where I could sleep in their house.
- I too used a stuffed animal. I had a big one that felt protective, however weird this may seem.
- I used a benzo, but this backfired, because after quitting I had way worse anxiety.
- Adjusting my diet helped. Avoiding allergic food and processed food and caffeine and all. Anti-histamine diets help some. I think allergic responses trigger cortisol and adrenaline release and thus bring fight-flight responses.
- Put heavy blankets on me. Kids I work with use weighted blankets. This obviously can be triggering too, so experiences vary wildly. From relaxing to frightening.
- There was a medicine they recommended here which I think was Trazodone. I never tried it.
- I had soothing rituals. For me they were faith-based, but this can be other things too. Like I'd always read a certain protective text or listen to the same soothing song.
- I would speak to someone who had a calming influence just before bedtime. Could be a hotline too.
- I changed the room I slept in. I've slept downstairs on the couch for a while. Because for mysterious reasons my mind didn't find that place triggering.
- Call me a fool, but all my doors in the house need to be open (inside doors obviously). Maybe this feels like I can see and flee better.
- I would massage my face or body gently. In a very kind way. As a loving mother would craddle a child.
Sorry...haven't got much else. Wish I had.
Hey Laurrr,
I struggle with insomnia too and have done all my life. I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered. That's not fair.
I'm always looking for helpful suggestions too.
Someone suggested listening to audiobooks at bed time. So long as I'm careful to choose something that's not triggering, they have been very helpful so far. I've had a lot of sleepless nights regardless, however, when audiobooks help, I can manage to sleep a few hours and actually get back to sleep if I wake. Choosing stories that are very exciting and suspenseful aren't a good idea, as I found myself staying awake to find out what happened!
Someone else recommended Mirtazipine, which helped me immensely when I was younger. Last time I tried it it helped immensely with calming my mind, with sleep too. The downside was that it caused my digestive system to become very bloated and uncomfortable. Basically, it flared up my IBS really badly. I was so disappointed when the side effects didn't even out after persisting for a few months. I had to stop taking it and I'm currently prescribed an antihistamine combined with melatonin. Without the side effects, Mirtazipine would have been a game changer.
Other sleep aid stuff I do:
I have an essential oil burner with a tea light. The light helps because it's dark enough to sleep but not dark enough to feel scared of what might be in the dark. I use lavender oil and frankincense oil or occasionally damask rose oil. Rose oil is very comforting to me.
I sleep with a hot water bottle for comfort too. Even in the summer. I have no idea why this helps, but without it I can't sleep.
I have to sleep downstairs because I have chronic pain that makes stairs difficult, but the other reason is because it's easier to flee if I don't have to jump out of an upstairs window if my psychopath ex finds me.
I used to read a bedtime prayer out loud (to do with my culture of origin) but I've forgotten to do that for a while. It really, really helped in the past but obviously faith based stuff doesn't help everyone.
I hope you are able to find something that works for you
Oh,I forgot to mention just sleeping when you get the chance whenever you feel you need to.
Obviously that's not possible if you have children or work commitments, but I was suggested this by a therapist once. She said that she had a client who worked freelance so was able to work very flexible hours and letting go of the traditional "you have to sleep at certain times and wake at certain times" thing was the only way her client could get good enough, long enough, consistent sleep.
A lot of CPTSD sufferers find it easier to sleep during daylight and have a very active mind during the hours of darkness. That's always been the case for me, and before I had children, just sleeping during the day and working at night helped me keep my brain from melting due to exhaustion from lack of sleep.
Thank you so much Matilda3 and Saluki!! This is so helpful!!! I think the biggest thing I have realized lately is to have grace with myself, and understand that as I continue to process and unpack my trauma, sleep will be hard. I have been keeping the doors to my room open, making a routine of self-care at night, and keeping a journal and my Nintendo Switch next to me in case I need a distraction.
That sounds positive. I think grace with the process of healing is big.