I haven't really spoken to my FOO beyond a few texts here and there around birthdays.
I don't want to talk to them because every conversation is predictable and surface and not acknowledging of any of the things that happened over the years.
And yet, I feel this sense of grief. I also feel shame like I am doing something wrong. I feel like no matter what I am not living up to their expectations.
I wish I had a family that cared about me. I wish I had a family that would talk through what happened and make things better.
I wish I had been cared for the way I needed growing up so that I didn't feel perpetually disconnected from other people.
Our way has just been to lose connection over time. I tried and tried and tried for long. And it's never been good enough. I feel like us "losing touch" will somehow also be my fault in their eyes.
It's like I can't have the relationship I want and need but am left with pain and hurt instead.
:hug:
rainy, I resonate deeply. :hug: :grouphug:
I am right there with you :grouphug: