So I have only had one session and am hopeful this won't continue but, I hit a major trigger right after having group therapy for the first time.I also had an awful nightmare about group setting that night as well. Does anyone have experience with group that was similar? I don't want this to be a consistent reaction each week, and am hopeful maybe there is something I can do to help prevent it.
Thanks for any insights ahead of time!
Sorry to hear this Elph :hug: I haven't done any group therapy, but I constantly have anxiety dreams about being the odd person out in social groups. It's that 'feeling different than everyone' and fear of rejection that's so much a part of CPTSD creeping out I think. Was your nightmare along those lines? Would you feel ok exploring your reaction in the group?
Thanks Kizzie :hug: I am sorry to hear about your dreams, those sound awful. It wasn't so much that. My M showed up to group in this dream and my T allowed it to happen, even encouraging her. Ended with me and my T talking separately and her telling me she was so proud of how I reacted to my mom, but she was completely ignoring the fact I was panicked and not okay. Like she didn't see it or care.
I know for a fact my T would never see my M let alone allow her into a group, but that dream shook me to my core for whatever reason.
I am also notably the youngest and only new person in this group. Everyone was very welcoming but it is intimidating. I am also the only one who said they had any sort of ptsd/cptsd. Everyone else had anxiety disorders or codependency stuff. Which I do also have but they are linked in differently for me because of the nature of my trauma. So I do feel a little like the odd person out. Maybe that will change as I get to know them and continue working, but it is something to work on.
I can always share a bit of my reaction during one of our check ins next week. It might help. Good idea
Well I can understand why it was a nightmare - it was the deep fear of (direct or indirect) betrayal by your T essentially. I assumed too that it was a group for CPTSD so I can see that being the only one could be unsettling. did actually go to a F2F support group two years ago and felt similarly - everyone in it suffered from Bipolar and other mood disorders. Anyway, I hope it gets better. :yes:
Thanks Kizzie, I really hope it does too. We will see. I know the concept of what we are doing is wonderful, just also can't exist in this state every week.
Quote from: Kizzie on September 13, 2018, 05:22:34 PM
Well I can understand why it was a nightmare - it was the deep fear of (direct or indirect) betrayal by your T essentially. I assumed too that it was a group for CPTSD so I can see that being the only one could be unsettling. ... Anyway, I hope it gets better. :yes:
:yeahthat: all of it. :hug: :hug: to you Elpha
so sorry this happened, sweetie. perhaps bringing it up might help next time. don't know how comfy you are with that as a whole, so, yeah, maybe just a part if you're able. can you talk to your t about it before the next one? see what she says, or if she can give you any tips, allay your fears, etc. sending love and a hug filled with comfort and caring.
I see my T before the next group happens, so I will definitely talk to her about it. I honestly can't pinpoint the exact point of this trigger so I can't gully blame it on group, I just know it is part of it. Bringing it up with my T will be comfortable, not sure about how talking about it in group will feel. Still only week two.
I am sure my t will have some sort of advice or reassuring words at very least. I just need to make it to Monday. Thank you for the hugs and comfort, still in big need of those :hug:
:hug:❤️ :hug:
:hug: :hug: :hug:♥️♥️♥️ :hug: :hug: :hug: thank you dear
Group went much better this week. I still got emotional but it was over the work we were doing not the group itself. We started our first timeline drawing, which means we will start sharing and doing sculpts next week. I am a little nervous but also excited to see what that process looks like. Just wanted to update everyone, and say it was better. No nightmares, and I am fully functioning and normal for me today. :cheer:
Glad to hear this Elph :thumbup:
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
so happy to hear this, sweetie. :thumbup: :hug:
Thank you both! It is reassuring to feel okay after group. Like it may actually be the correct time for me to try this all
Glad to hear group was better this week. I don't blame you for being overwhelmed last week. So many changes and nightmares to boot!
Sending you more good times and good sessions :hug:
Thanks! I am really hopeful although nervous about all of this moving forward. Life is moving really quickly in a lot of areas, and even my recovery journey st this point. It feels like a whirlwind, but one I am glad to be on.
Figured I would come here to talk more about group, although I might rename this thread if I am going to use it that way. I do feel like having a space to share about group therapy, and such is important though, so anyone is welcome to share here as well.
Last nights group was intense, but I am opening up and bonding with the women in my group quite a bit as we go. I haven't opened a lot about my traumas although last night definitely gave some insight into my life. We shared some timeline work, and then had about 45 minutes left and I volunteered to so a sculpt which is something that gets done in experiential group as a way of physically and verbally processing. It started out as a generational sculpt, which I felt like would be hard but not super taxing and my T, in her brilliant way of coming up with exactly what I need or what would bring me deeper, brought in my M.
Meaning one of the women (of my choosing, I get to choose who plays who) played my M, and we gave her different physical items to depict her diseases and coping mechanisms etc. The worst of which was a blindfold.. that was the truth that struck me the most in seeing it. I have known, well come to know, that my mom was blind to things by choice in a lot of ways and that is more painful than believing she just didn't see it. Knowing there was a conscious decision not to see or hear things I needed her to hurts much worse. I came upon that realization months ago but hadn't truly processed it. There is obviously a lot of pain and some anger and confusion that comes with that.
I got to talk to my M, in this form and say some of the things I needed to. Honestly, was surprised about some of what came out.. including some new realizations. My T also attempted to give me a magic moment as they call them, taking all the diseases and such away from my M. Leaving her in a different form, one that apologized and said things I needed to hear. That was like a stab to the gut almost... It needed to happen but I couldn't get to the more healing part of it because even in that form, when that M would give me and say whatever I needed her to, I couldn't trust. Eventually told her to leave the room and that I would come back if and when I was ready to do more of it.
Either way I am still rather emotionally drained and just dealing with a lot of emotions. Some of which are truly just from the anxiety that comes with knowing I was open with other people. I didn't describe my abuse but I definitely used the words torture and * to describe things my M could have saved me from.. and di mention the PA that my M was good at giving... Probably the most healing thing was one of the Women that wasn't in the sculpt was giving feed back afterwards (as we always do after derolling) told me she had wanted to push that version of my M away and sit down to tell me all the things I needed and to essentially nurture the parts of me that were hurting, my T quickly chimed in saying that she wanted to do much the same. Knowing people, one that I still don't truly know, would have protected me and done differently even now is huge.
I will go over and process some of the fallout of this in my journal, but wanted to be open about this part of my journey in one kind of consolidated space.
Hi, I just wanted to say, I understand, I've been put in group therapy basically to shut me up as nothing else is available, it's been horrendous I've hated every minute of it, I've been set so far back that I don't even know where I am now mentally, yesterday I had a complete meltdown as no one is getting it, I just got patronised and made to feel stupid which has set me back even more, I'm tearful every week and am getting triggered by everyone else in the group, it's my worse therapy experience so far.
I am so sorry you are experiencing that. Does not sound like it is at all healthy for you. Can you leave that group? My group is thankfully one that is healthy and seems to be doing me good, the first session and last night were just a lot.
It's my last session next week, I basically got told if I didn't attend I won't be considered for anymore therapy within the nhs so feel like I've been forced to attend. It's totally irrelevant to how I feel or what I've been going through but having to sit in this group and listen to other people's stories and experiences has literally made me feel like I have it too even tho I never have before.. I've had to do homework which again has had nothing to do with how I'm feeling so refused to do it explaining my reasons and got told that I should have made an effort! Feeling like I need to scream and beyond frustration. Next week I'm 'supposed ' to be told what and who/where can help me next as they are aware the course hasn't been right for me. But I'm not going to hold my breath!! Glad you're doing ok tho, that's good to hear.
I really hope that you do get a better option from that meeting. No oje should be stuck in something that isn't helpful. :hug: