Hi, I think maybe I keep dissociating today but I'm not sure. I have dissociated before but not always in the same way.
Earlier I was triggered, started having flashbacks in form of intrusive images and emotional flashback. It felt too much emotionally so I tried to shut it out of my mind. I struggled to ground but did eventually through focusing on my breathing. But on and off since whenever I stop and my mind isn't busy, i start to feel triggered and it's like my mind can't handle it and it's trying to keep the thoughts/emotions out. My mind goes blank, I can't think, in a way I feel numb. It's like two separate parts in my mind. Part is on autopilot so can get on with things but other part is far aware and numb and I can't/don't want to access what's there as emotionally feels like it will be too much. It's so weird and exhausting.
It is really exhausting and we can climb out and be sucked back in over and over again. The thing that seem to work the best for me if I can manage it is getting out and exercising for awhile.
I'm sorry you are being flooded with intrusive images and feelings.
Thank you Armee. I did feel better when I went out for a walk and was talking to others. It was back at home it was difficult again.