I normally start a new journal in January, but it didn't seem right to do that while I was in the middle of a divorce. Ex-H has moved out of the house, so now is the time. I was going to name this journal "Not Alone A.D." (After Divorce). Although the divorce is highly impactful, I did not want to make the divorce something defining me. I see life as a journey, so "new path" seemed like a good, fresh description of the road ahead.
This entry might be longer than I usually post. I am catching up from the time I wasn't able to be on OOTS.
My ex-H moved out of the house ten days ago. I helped with the move. I expected a lot of feelings, but what I did not anticipate was being triggered when I drove up to his townhouse by the time when he flipped on me keeping our house. April:Quote from: Not Alone on April 08, 2023, 02:08:37 AMQuote from: Not Alone on April 06, 2023, 08:10:01 PMThis morning my H told me he was going to look at a townhouse that a friend of a friend was selling. He saw it and wasn't crazy about it, but he is seriously considering buying the townhouse and me buying/staying in our house.
We see the mediator tomorrow.
Today has been beyond horrible and crazy-making.
Yesterday my H gave me hope that I would be able to stay in the house. This morning he said how far the townhouse was from MY work. In other words, I should buy the townhouse. I reminded him that I can't get a loan until I have a month of paychecks from my job that starts in July. I cannot move and be starting my new job. IT IS TOO MUCH!!!!
Then he said, "Neither of us want a divorce. Maybe we should take a couple years and work on our marriage." What!!!!!!!! You are saying this now!? After the * of the last nine months? An hour before our last mediator session?
Crazy-making
Then we had session with the mediator. I won't go into all those details, but my H acts all nice. It was difficult, to say the least.
Yesterday, H wanted me to see the townhouse. We went after the session. He did such a turn around, I was confused. He asked what I thought. For me or for you? He wants ME to buy it. He didn't like it, but he wants me to buy it. Several times he has said that he wants our house and to stay with our son. Well, I want that too. I have no legal recourse. If we took it to the judge, he would order the house sold, then we all lose.
I am really confused and upset. I still don't have a place to live. As I look at what he did to me today, not even including the last 27 years, I need to get away from him. He is manipulative and selfish. To do what he did today shows zero care for me, despite how he says things that appear caring.
I still can't believe what he did to me; gave me some hope then totally flipped and manipulated me. It was cruel.
H did buy the townhouse and I have "our" house. Besides being triggered by the trauma of him flipping about the house, I felt grief when helping him to move. Many years ago, someone advised me that when I move I should keep my linens accessible and make the bed as soon as possible. I've always followed that advice. When I moved ex-H into his new place, I made his bed for him. To me, it felt like a loving, caring thing to do. He said thank-you. To him, it was something done, check off the list, thank you for doing that. It wasn't something that would lead to connection or feelings of care. That has been true for 27 years. I would anticipate feelings of connection stemming from an event, but the connection wasn't there. This time I had no expectations for an emotional response from him.
I also spent some time scrubbing his kitchen cupboards.
He asked the kids and I out for lunch. I declined. I had reached my emotional limit.
A week before H's move, one of our daughters asked me if she could move back home. Absolutely. I won't go into details about that, but it is a good thing.
That meant that I had two days to move my stuff from the small bedroom that I've been living in for the last 18 months, to the master bedroom. A friend came and helped me, for which I was very grateful. I still have stuff on the floor. My hope is that I can organize the remaining items and figure out where those things should go.
The first day after H moved out, I was still sleeping in small bedroom and most of my items were in the master bedroom. I felt disoriented. The Littles were very disoriented, confused and upset.
Two days after H moved out, I went on vacation with my siblings. I anticipating crying and crying, letting the grief out. That did not happen. Maybe if I had been with one of my sisters, that would have happened. My other sibling has moments of empathy, but she tends to justify and minimize. I was too vulnerable to take that chance. I ended up feeling depressed, sad, and mostly alone.
I also did some work while I was there. Between me working and feeling so down, it was not a nice week.
When I got back home, daughter had moved in.
Yesterday was a family event so I had to be with ex-H.
Today is Father's Day, so the kids will be with him. I will be happy to have some time at the house to myself.
I keep expecting ex-H to pull into the driveway. Considering that I've been home for two days and he's been here both of those days, and the fact that I was married to him for 27 years, it makes sense that my body feels the tension of anticipation of him coming to the house.
notalone, it's a lot. just a real lot of emotions, feelings, thoughts, memories - so much kit and kaboodle going on. personally, i see it as 'your' house now, instead of 'our' house, but 27 yrs. of sharing space leaves a lasting impression. i certainly get it about the physical anticipation of his arrival.
i hope you are able to be gentle w/ yourself while you go thru this. and i'm glad your D moving in w/ you is a good thing. sending love and a hug filled w/ support. :hug:
Not Alone, best wishes navigating this new time for you. I appreciate you sharing the experiences.
Notalone, I remember when you wrote that last spring. I'm really glad that you are able to stay in the house and that your daughter is moving in. Wishing you the best on this new path! :hug:
Thank you, San, Rainy & Bach.
I like the new title. :grouphug:
There's so much change. That was beyond generous of you to help H and to make his bed. :grouphug:
I hope you and Littles adjust relatively quickly and that your childrens'presence helps.
Thank you, Armee.
I am so tired. There is so much to do with getting ready for new job and getting my chaotic house in order. I took a bunch of stuff to resale today, so that is a step in the house chaos. I had a few hours today when my anxiety was not at 8 or 9. It's rising again. Tomorrow morning I have to go to work and sign papers for my new job. I hope it isn't confusing.
I feel like I'm at the convergence of three trains crashing. 1. Grief of divorce. 2. Stress and fear over new job. 3. House in chaos.
Hi Not Alone,
You've been through so much - I've just read what you wrote in this new journal just now - feel the enormity of everything - it's huge. I can see how much it's affecting you - you feel like you're in the convergence of those three trains - but I very much also hope that you can have some protection (maybe in a bubble at the interconnection of those things) to keep you safe and to help you negotiate your way.
I think you're signing your job papers today - I really hope it goes ok, and that it isn't confusing.
You took that stuff to the resale - that's definitely a step to reducing the house chaos.
I want to also send a hug to you and all your parts :grouphug:
Hope :)
Thinking of you Not Alone and sending you safe and comforting hugs to you.
:hug:
notalone, those really are 3 big trains! little by little, you already know. whittling away, they will become either manageable or finished. hope the signings go smoothly. wow - i remember when the job thing was 3 mos. away, and now it's almost here. sending love and a hug filled w/ smooth, gentle, and patience :hug:
Thinking of you Not Alone during this convergence.
I appreciate everyone's support.
I feel so overwhelmed and panicked about my upcoming new job. I get something done and another three things pops up on my radar. I'm drowning.
I wish you the best of luck with your new job. I can imagine how overwhelming all these changes must feel for you. I am sure your daughter is glad she is welcome home with you. Sending you hugs and hope for an understanding work environment. You deserve patience and care right now.
Thank you, cyber Judas.
Not Alone, it is a lot starting new jobs and working to establish routines and ways of doing things especially when you can't quite visualize how it will look because it is new. I hope that your work will provide guidance and you will find (or already have) supportive coworkers.
Hi Not Alone,
It's a lot of change Not Alone. I stand with you while you feel overwhelmed and panicked. And I stand with you with your new job - wishing you the best as well.
You are definitely not on your own with this.
:bighug:
Thank you, Rainy & Moondance.
I did call a coworker yesterday and received some guidance and encouragement from her.
I went for a walk this morning. Then I worked on paying bills. Dealing with accounts, money and numbers is triggering to me. I'm feeling tense and shaky. :fallingbricks:
:hug:
You're doing great with all these challenges. I don't mean that in the sense that everything's OK, it's not. But I see you handling it with strength and perseverance, and gentleness to yourself.
You'll do great at your job. Most people wouldn't even care if they did, they'd just take it as it comes but you are so caring and conscientious. With that attitude you'll do great and everyone makes mistakes and has to learn. But I'd rather have someone like you doing a job than someone who doesnt care or even wonder if they are doing well. I hope once the new job starts (soon!) that you feel a little less stress. Anticipation can sometimes be worse.
Thank you, Armee. Yes, anticipation is really hard.
For the second night in a row, I had a 'grief" dream (divorce).
I'm still feeling overwhelmed by my preparation for the new job. The anxiety is more at a six. Last week I was living at 8-9. Still :stars: .
I looked at my bank account online. It didn't trigger me, so that was a relief. I remembered to deposit a check from ex-H today.
There is an important paper regarding the transfer of the house to me that seems to be missing. I sent it to his real estate lawyer, but she hasn't received it. I think it needs to be forwarded to her from the city office. It is concerning and I'm trying not to panic.
I feel like I should do more work. I'm tired and my brain is pretty much finished for the day. I don't have the energy to do physical things either. I'm ready to shut down.
I talked to a friend yesterday who has cancer. It appears that the situation is worse than originally believed.
Hi Not Alone, I am thinking of you as you navigate all these different experiences.
notalone, it was weird to see 'ex-H' in your post. very final. i hope you find that paper - or someone finds it - soon. you don't need to have that sitting on your head, too. there's enough on your plate at the moment. do what you can and keep taking care of you as much as possible. love and hugs :hug:
Thank you, Rainy & San.
I got some organizing for work and for home done today. It's never enough. My anxiety is getting even higher. I can feel it through my whole body. I need to do more work, but I just feel overwhelmed and frozen. Ugh.
My ex-H was here, because he was with our son. When he told me the following, he wasn't bragging, just stating facts. I could hear my T's voice in my head saying that he has no idea how what he says lands for others. Ex-H: I'm going to trade my car in today and get an new (used) one. In my mind: "Thanks for letting me know how you're spending MY DAD'S money." He also bought a couch and a dish washer. All those are things he needs, but I am living on my friend's money that she willed me. He has a large portion of my Dad's money. It makes me feel ill.
I'm so sorry Not Alone.
I felt nauseated when you shared this. This is just so wrong. :pissed:
Sending supportive hugs your way.
so wrong, notalone. i'm so upset for you and these circumstances and him flaunting his crapola in your face. :blowup: i hate that this is happening to you, all of it. love and hugs :hug:
That's so unfair that he has your dad's money, Not Alone. I can relate as there is something akin in my family. It's hard to swallow injustices like that, especially when the other party is ungracious.
Sending warmth and good thoughts. :hug:
That would make me feel ill also. Best wishes chipping away at work tasks.
:bighug: :bighug: to you
:blowup: :blowup: to ex-H.
I cannot handle all the technology that I will need to learn and use for my new job. I can't.
:hug:
Remember it is likely confusing to a lot of people.
I was so overwhelmed and anxious this morning that it was just too much. I took a couple of meds and slept for a few hours. I had my therapy session. I didn't really get anything done. Watching a movie with daughter now.
I am thinking of you Not Alone. You are making a huge change with your work in addition to the other changes in your life this year.
Taking a nice break with your daughter sounds like the perfect thing to do in the face of overwhelm. Self doubt sucks and it's scary and just sucky to feel unqualified for a job. I don't doubt you though. And neither do the people who hired you, knowing your skill set. :grouphug:
Thanks. :)
I got a lot done today with help from my daughters. I had moments of feeling overwhelmed, but overall I did okay.
:hug:
I'm glad your daughters helped out and that it was supportive.
I've been slowly unpacking the boxes that I packed when I thought that I was moving. I came across the card my H gave to me on our first anniversary.
All too much: grieving divorce, getting prepared for new job, getting house and finances in order. I'm okay right now, but it all really weighs on me. Sometimes the overwhelm feels unbearable.
It really is too much, and I am so sorry you have to wade through all this change and grief and trauma. :grouphug:
i agree, it feels like too much because it is too much. so so much. we're here, by your side, we've got you if you trip or stumble. hang tough, ok? love and hugs :hug:
You have carried so much.
Thank you Armee, San, & Rainy. It helps to have your affirmation about how big all this is.
I mostly finished the family room. After H left, it was in chaos, with stuff removed from shelves that he took and my boxes that I had packed. The furniture that was here was not in any order. When I look back at the chaos that the room was in and then look at what I've done, I feel proud of myself. I didn't think that I would get it done until fall. There is a little bit left to do, but overall it looks good.
sending love and a hug filled w/ pride for what you've accomplished! :hug:
Congrats on the organization, NotAlone. Sometimes cleaning up our physical space can feel freeing. :)
Thank you San & Cactus Flower. It does help to have that space put together.
Worked on my new position at work today. I felt calmer and not panicked. My coworker was really encouraging about the technology; that she would help and that I could take it slowly.
:hug:
That's fantastic. I love the good days. I hope you get more good days.
Thanks, Armee.
I felt overwhelmed at work today. I had therapy today and it helped to have T affirm how much all of this is.
Hi Not Alone,
Thinking of you, and sending you a hug :hug:
Hope :)
New job position starts tomorrow.
WoW!!!! That came fast, Not Alone. I hope it is not too stressful, and that the start of the new position takes away some amount of the anxiety and stress, even though I'm sure you will be quite tired for awhile, since doing new things is exhausting! Good luck, I hope you love it and that the paycheck in a couple weeks makes up a bit for the stress. :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Best of luck today with new job! I hope the transition is not too hard, and that new income will provide some relief for you :)
hey, notalone, hope you're breaking in to your new job smoothly and that it's going well. i agree, it seems to have come quite quickly. sending love and a hug filled w/ all the best for you. :hug:
Overwhelmed
Exhausted
Inadequate
Yes. Yes. No. :bighug:
Are you OK? What do you need to hear tonight?
I am thinking of you Not Alone.
:grouphug:
I am thinking of you Not Alone
:bighug: :bighug:
we're here for you, notalone. yes, yes, no, about sums it up from my perspective. this is such a huge transition you've been going thru. hold tight, you're good enough, and you deserve all the kindness and gentleness you can muster. love and a hug filled w/ some rest and decompression time. :hug:
Thank you, everyone. Your responses brought tears to my eyes.
I've spent most of the weekend working from home. :doh: I feel pretty anxious about this upcoming week. My anxiety is high, but not over the top and I'm grateful for that.
:bighug:
Best wishes for the coming week.
Thanks Moondance and Rainy.
You are enough, dear Not Alone. It is super normal to be anxious, exhausted and to feel inadequate in any new situations especially nee job responsibilities and especially with all the upheaval you've dealt with and are dealing with. Just remember this week, its normal to feel this way. It does not mean that you are inadequate. They knew you and your skills when they asked you to do this job. You've got this.
i echo armee - you've got this. you know your stuff. you'll be ok. love and hugs :hug:
Thanks, Armee and San. I really needed to hear that.
Today was a 12 hour day. I'm exhausted. Just trying to keep my head above water.
Ooh boy. A 12 hour day. Head above water is pretty impressive.
:hug:
:hug: :bighug:
Dear Not Alone,
That 12 hour day sounds excessively long! I hope you're still keeping your head above the water - I wish I could bring some buoyancy aids, and some lovely relaxing cushions or something to give you some support.
Sending you a hug :hug:
Hope :)
Thank you for your support.
Last week I worked 10-12 hour days on three of the days. This weekend I will be working all weekend from home. I've already worked over six hours and have a long way to go. I know it won't be like this forever, but I'm really sinking.
I did get encouragement and help from my supervisor on Friday.
My two-month old printer isn't working. I can't find the code I need for the warranty. Being online just keeps sending me in circles. Issues with this tech stuff is triggering to me. For those who might remember, similar feelings to when I had phone issues.
I'm so tired and stressed that the smallest thing feels like an anchor around me, keeping my head under water. I needed something for work. Couldn't find it and assume that ex-H took it.
Over time, the job will not be so taxing, but for now I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.
:bighug:
sending love and a hug filled with soft pillows, comfy blankets if you're cold, or cold drinks if you're warm, soothing music, and little sparkling lights dancing on the wall along w/ a forest mural to soothe your soul. peace. :hug:
I am sending positive vibes regarding the tech stuff. This can make life that much more difficult.
I hope answers come to resolve the tech issues to help your days be easier Not Alone.
If I could I would come over and help wherever I could with the tech stuff. In a supportive way I mean.
:bighug:
Thinking of you, Not Alone :hug:
I am reading your replies and receive encouragement and comfort. Thank you.
I managed to contact someone at Canon. T hey are sending a replacement printer.
On Thursday at work I have to make a presentation three times. I'm dreading that.
I'm glad you were able to reach someone that helped send a new printer. I hope your presentation goes as well as it can on Thursday.
We'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending best wishes for your presentation.
sitting with the others for your presentation, notalone, to show support. glad you got a different printer. love and a hug filled with 'you got this'! :hug:
If I may join the presentation as well I would be honored?
Standing with you Not Alone
:hug:
Really bad day. Started with a completely flat tire. Ended up buying four tires. Bad day at work. I can't do this. I can't do this.
:hug:
We've got you. Bad day. Bad day indeed. Sending you a San-style hug filled with soothing shhhshhhhshhh, it's oks and anything else you need.
You are enough. You're not alone. We've got you.
Starting off a day with a flat tire and having to buy new tires is a rough start - that happened to me toward the end of my last school year. I hope you find something that is nourishing to you tonight.
yeah, notalone, we've got you. hope your night goes much better. love and hugs :hug:
Thank you, Armee, Rainy, and San.
The work presentations went okay. My timing was good and I didn't say anything stupid.
It is another weekend of working all weekend. On top of that I have a cold. I am at the end of my rope.
I'm glad the presentation went as well as it could. I hope you have some moments of ease this weekend - it's really tough to start a new job and get your grasp on all the demands and expectations.
Oh Not Alone. :hug:
How long will it be so much work they expect out of you?
notalone, i'm glad the presentation went all right. sorry about the cold, tho - i hate it when crapola piles up.
hoping everything settles down asap. love and hugs :hug:
Hello Not Alone, I've read your entries in this journal from page 1, and must say that you have been though a huge amount of stress and loss. My heart goes out to you for all you are dealing with. Going through a divorce, having to straighten out and organize your house, and starting a new job, are very significant stress factors. I hope that things will settle down. I'm thinking of you with warm supportive thoughts.
Thank you, Rainy, Armee, San, & Natureluvr.
I really don't know how I'm going to make it. It is too much. I can't do this. I have children (adults) so I must keep going, but I don't know how.
:hug: I guess the beauty of cptsd is we've already been through and survived horrors. We have a toolbox not many people have.
Including us here. :grouphug:
I'm so very sorry Not Alone - this is extremely difficult.
I am thankful your D is with you and that you are fighting for your children.
If helpful at all I send you empathic hug(s) whenever needed.
I stand with you in the extreme difficulty.
somehow we make it, notalone. one step then another, one hour, one minute at a time. you only have to make it thru today, i know this cuz it's what i practice most days - too much, indeed. it's why i named my journal those exact words. lean on your kids to help you get through. my D is saving my life every day she's alive. lean on us, too. we've got you. love and hugs, my dear. :hug:
Your support means a lot to me.
Today was an okay day.
I'm glad today was OK. OK compared to what you've been going through is huge. :grouphug:
:hug: :hug: to you Notalone.
Hi Not Alone - glad you had an okay day. Hope you have more of those back to back as relief to all your going thru.
:hug:
It's been a long, difficult week.
Another weekend of working and working. Ugh.
Exhausted.
:bighug:
:bighug: :bighug:
I sure hope the place you're working gives you the opportunity for a break soon - at least not this non-stop weekends-too stuff.
Sending you a heartfelt hug Not Alone :hug:
Nice to come on here and receive your hugs. Thank you for that.
I'm having a really hard time.
:hug:
Here's a shoulder...
:bighug: :bighug:
:bighug: Not Alone
Sending love and good thoughts :hug:
I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope things improve soon. :hug:
Thank you, Armee, Blueberry, Moondance, Bach, and NarcKiddo.
Hi NotAlone,
I'm just checking in. I'm hoping you are having some better days these days. I am sending positive thoughts. Here's a nice, safe, virtual hug. :bighug:
Thank you, Papa Coco. I really appreciate you checking in and your kind thoughts.
I am so easily overwhelmed. It may be that I've been mostly in a triggered state (EF) for the last 13 months, ever since ex-H started taking about divorce. I've been trying to survive ever since. I was going to start listing the mountains, but will just say it has been extremely hard and has felt like too much for a very long time.
When I look to the future for employment and retirement. . . it looks grim. I won't go into all the details, but it brings me to a place of feeling terrified and hopeless. There is so much. Way too much.
Hi Not Alone,
You have had such a significant amount of things to contend with over the past 13 months - I am not surprised that you've been mostly in a triggered state (EF) - honestly, it is so much. But I think you have been negotiating your way through and around those mountains - and I wish I could help you find some safe cave that doesn't make your feel the grimness that you see ahead. Maybe the EF is causing the perception of the way ahead as being terrifying and hopeless.
Sending you some hugs of support and wishing you strengh or whatever you need to negotiate your way through the next hours/days. :hug:
Hope :)
thank you, Hope.
It was a short work week for me (4 days), but still exhausting. My responsibilities are overwhelming. Co-workers are very helpful, but it still feels like too much.
The other night I woke up at 2:30 with a dream about my ex-H. I wasn't able to go back to sleep. In the dream I felt deep, deep grief and abandonment.
Painful, and appropriate, things to feel.
I wish I could help lighten your load, Not Alone. :hug:
Thank you, Armee.
I'm so tired of life being too hard. Today is a beautiful fall day. I should be going outside for a walk. I started off with a glitch in my morning, which threw me off. I skipped church and did my grocery shopping. Then did some online window shopping. I'm depressed. I'm overwhelmed with work and the next four weeks will be even worse. It is all too much and it has been too much for a long time. I am so tired. I am discouraged. All I do is complain.
It's a really hard year for you. I'll look forward to a time when you feel joyful but for now complaining and depression and overwhelm sound...appropriate.
:grouphug:
Quote from: Armee on October 22, 2023, 10:14:29 PMIt's a really hard year for you. I'll look forward to a time when you feel joyful but for now complaining and depression and overwhelm sound...appropriate.
:yeahthat:
Also, it's your journal, it's fine to complain here instead of or in addition to in your head. Even if writing the facts here gives you just 1% reduction in whatever is whirling around in your subconscious or gives you 0.5% better mood or more energy, it's a good thing!
I have a ton of respect for you managing to get back into the working world and managing to keep working! Considering the state you were in before you had to go back to work and all the things you had to contend with beforehand and are still contending with now, I think it's phenomenal. I'm not checking back in your journals, but I did have the impression we have some similarities in the extent of our cptsd, iirc you have OSDD or DID in addition too, yet you're holding up at work and managing to go grocery shopping. I would be long since in a state of total collapse. I know 'they' say, don't compare, but maybe hearing how capable you are compared to me for example can make you feel a little better? I'm in no way trying to minimise your suffering! I hope I haven't triggered you, I wish instead that your ex-H had been way more supportive and life had treated you better so you wouldn't be in such a grevious situation. I wish you had a magic money tree so you could spend your time and energy on recovery rather than surviving at the workplace!
Thinking of you and sending some virtual :sunny: :sunny: for when you don't get out. Plus lots of good energy from OOTS :grouphug:
Dear Not Alone,
I am also sending you some virtual hugs :hug: :hug: and I hope that today is going ok. Thinking of you.
Hope :)
Armee, Blueberry, and Hope, thank you. I meant to respond, but haven't had the capacity. I hope to respond in the future.
I was going to write, but found my fingers frozen, like the rest of me. I doing really badly.
:bighug: :bighug:
:hug:
Hey Not Alone,
Just thinking about you. I felt so sad for you feeling so frozen and feeling so badly. I wonder how you are doing this week? Even though I couldn't reply when you wrote before I have been reading and thinking of you and all you've been through. You're amazing and strong Not Alone.
:hug:
Thinking about you Notalone :hug:
hope you're ok, notalone. love and hugs :hug:
Thank you so much for checking in on me. That means a great deal to me. Life continues to be difficult. I hope to write more later and hopefully to read some others' journals.
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug: back to you, Armee, Blueberry, & NarcKiddo.
I'm trying to catch up a little on the forum. I'm feeling a bit lost. Can't find journals of some members with whom I usually try to stay up to date. It's a bit triggering because I already feel disconnected.
I'm going to begin the process of looking for a new job pretty soon. The thought of updating my resume, etc. is overwhelming.
I was going to write more, but I'm finding myself to be a bit frozen/triggered.
Hi. :hug:
Wow. Just writing about looking for a new job is a lot to get out. Take it slow. We are here. :grouphug:
There's a new section for Journaling... you can be in either or both. The new section can only be read by people who are members of the forum. Having a section to journal in that is not open to the general public helped some of us feel safer. Just contact Kizzie she'll get you set up. I'll pop in a link in a moment.
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15429.0
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=288.0
Hey Not Alone,
I'm not sure we've interacted before - I wanted to give you a big e-hug and send my support.
You write that you've been in a state of near constant EFs for 13 months or so, and I can resonate with this and how painful it is. I myself have been in the most awful of places pretty persistently for the past 5-6 months. Everything seems incredibly overwhelming.
Like you, I am also to update my resume and try get back into the workplace after having had to take so much time away to prioritise my health. It feels like it's going to be all so much.
I'm making a commitment to spend 30-60mins a day spending time with my inner child and my critic. The idea is to make the critic understand how tragic, and in need of his support (not exile) that boy needs. To accept where we are and to attempt to move forwards. I find that this has been of some help. Perhaps you could try that also?
Please don't feel obliged to try anything a random guy on a forum is suggesting, but I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, and I'm here for you. :hug:
notalone, the same thing happened to me w/ the journals, but w/ several members' help i'm also in the new private journal section. hope to see you there.
good luck w/ the resume. i can relate to feeling overwhelmed when having to undertake a task like that. at your own pace, ok? love and hugs :hug:
Armee, it is great to hear from you. Your journal was one that I was hoping to read. Thanks for the links. The second one didn't work since I don't have access, but I requested access from Kizzie.
Bert, I appreciate your response and support. Looking for a job is a lot. I will make my next step in February. I have done a lot of inner child work. Good for you for giving time and energy to bring care to that little boy.
Thanks, San. I will take it step by step. I need to finish my current work contract, so I can't start a new job until June. Just writing that sentence makes me feel some panic! :stars: Step by step.
Hi Not Alone,
Just wanted to send you a hug and say 'hi' :hug:
Hope :)
Not Alone,
I'm sending you a big hug also. :hug:
I'm a bit behind on my posts also, and it's good to reconnect with you today. Good luck on the upcoming job search.