So...
big year for me.
Firstly, I move to Wales to save cash and concentrate on my writing. Big deal this. My costs will halve and, as sales of my novels start to climb, they pay my bills and I get to make it a job. Exciting stuff.
Next, I come off meds. I've been weighing this up and I just feel that although they did stop me thinking about leaping off the castle walls, they now numb me too much and are working against me rather than for me. I'm going to taper the little blighters as much as possible because they don't like being dropped.
Then there's my escape from the business partnership. Been a long time coming this but it's been hellish of late, a rolling storm of triggers. I let far too much pass when things were at their worst and this is the only way to correct the negatives. Outlook is good tho with new clients and contacts bubbling up and new routes to gain work starting to appear.
Mood. Well, it's still an upward curve but there seem to be far sharper ups and downs as you get better. I'd warn anyone here to watch for that and build it into your expectations, as you get better, you will feel it more. It's an odd paradox but this condition is all about numbness overlaying anxiety and panic and you have to take that lid off at some point. It's a lot like dentistry, you feel the pain when the anaesthetic wears off but it's nothing compared to how it would have felt sans the injections. I know I have a lot of pain and crying still to come, but I have to see it all as a symbol of recovery and keep objective.
Energy. This is the big one for me. My adrenals are a mess, no question. Also, I've been drinking on top of the meds (lepraxo/ecitilopran) and this has not helped. I'm now switching to low alcohol options and tapering the meds so we shall see how that pans out. I'm also making my diet fit the profile of adrenal fatigue and avoiding sugar and caffeine as well as burying myself in supplements. Seriously, if I get hiccups, people form conga lines. Vitamin D, ginseng and B 12 seem to be the main recommendations but there are lots of others on the list. Most are placebos but what the *, if a placebo works, have another. Alcohol reduction is a challenge because I have leant on it just to break the isolation so initially I am going to try and just drink less and lighter and still go out. But then it's sugary drinks... sigh. I might just buy food!
But it's going to be a big year. I must remember to take it slow tho and not burn out. You have to learn to self-care as much as possible, listen to your body and act on the warning signs. I'm impatient, I lost 7 years of my life to people who gave nothing back and left me with nothing, I want a life again. But we have to start from where we are and learn to overcome the desire to protest and recoil at the expense of building and moving ahead.
I'm still very hurt, bewildered and angry at how I was used, abused and let down but I want life more than I want to root through the wreckage. I'm 54, I have a life and I have a lot to give and that is my course now.
To all of you in here, all of you who have been so hurt and mistreated, I just want to say that I wish you nothing but peace and space to heal in the year ahead. We share as much that is positive as we do the negatives tho and I never fail to marvel at the humanity you all show. What was done to us all was wrong and just plain dumb and we, because we are so human and sensitive and empathic, took that stupidity deep and let it do us a real injury. But it is not like losing a leg. The brain is an amazing thing and if treated right, it will recover and serve us well as we go forward. Give it time, treat it with understanding and respect and let it heal in the way it needs to. Dress its wounds with logic, knowledge and common-sense. Find friends and supporters who understand and ringfence your recovery from those who don't or won't. This is your story, your injury and your recovery, put yourself first.
Let's all stand back up and fight back.
x
big year for me.
Firstly, I move to Wales to save cash and concentrate on my writing. Big deal this. My costs will halve and, as sales of my novels start to climb, they pay my bills and I get to make it a job. Exciting stuff.
Next, I come off meds. I've been weighing this up and I just feel that although they did stop me thinking about leaping off the castle walls, they now numb me too much and are working against me rather than for me. I'm going to taper the little blighters as much as possible because they don't like being dropped.
Then there's my escape from the business partnership. Been a long time coming this but it's been hellish of late, a rolling storm of triggers. I let far too much pass when things were at their worst and this is the only way to correct the negatives. Outlook is good tho with new clients and contacts bubbling up and new routes to gain work starting to appear.
Mood. Well, it's still an upward curve but there seem to be far sharper ups and downs as you get better. I'd warn anyone here to watch for that and build it into your expectations, as you get better, you will feel it more. It's an odd paradox but this condition is all about numbness overlaying anxiety and panic and you have to take that lid off at some point. It's a lot like dentistry, you feel the pain when the anaesthetic wears off but it's nothing compared to how it would have felt sans the injections. I know I have a lot of pain and crying still to come, but I have to see it all as a symbol of recovery and keep objective.
Energy. This is the big one for me. My adrenals are a mess, no question. Also, I've been drinking on top of the meds (lepraxo/ecitilopran) and this has not helped. I'm now switching to low alcohol options and tapering the meds so we shall see how that pans out. I'm also making my diet fit the profile of adrenal fatigue and avoiding sugar and caffeine as well as burying myself in supplements. Seriously, if I get hiccups, people form conga lines. Vitamin D, ginseng and B 12 seem to be the main recommendations but there are lots of others on the list. Most are placebos but what the *, if a placebo works, have another. Alcohol reduction is a challenge because I have leant on it just to break the isolation so initially I am going to try and just drink less and lighter and still go out. But then it's sugary drinks... sigh. I might just buy food!
But it's going to be a big year. I must remember to take it slow tho and not burn out. You have to learn to self-care as much as possible, listen to your body and act on the warning signs. I'm impatient, I lost 7 years of my life to people who gave nothing back and left me with nothing, I want a life again. But we have to start from where we are and learn to overcome the desire to protest and recoil at the expense of building and moving ahead.
I'm still very hurt, bewildered and angry at how I was used, abused and let down but I want life more than I want to root through the wreckage. I'm 54, I have a life and I have a lot to give and that is my course now.
To all of you in here, all of you who have been so hurt and mistreated, I just want to say that I wish you nothing but peace and space to heal in the year ahead. We share as much that is positive as we do the negatives tho and I never fail to marvel at the humanity you all show. What was done to us all was wrong and just plain dumb and we, because we are so human and sensitive and empathic, took that stupidity deep and let it do us a real injury. But it is not like losing a leg. The brain is an amazing thing and if treated right, it will recover and serve us well as we go forward. Give it time, treat it with understanding and respect and let it heal in the way it needs to. Dress its wounds with logic, knowledge and common-sense. Find friends and supporters who understand and ringfence your recovery from those who don't or won't. This is your story, your injury and your recovery, put yourself first.
Let's all stand back up and fight back.
x