Over the holiday I responded to a mass family email with a request to be removed from the list. I wrote about my desire to not take part in ‘generic’ family updates that sugarcoat systemic abuse; offered solutions for healthier ways of relating, references for understanding what it means to love one another, and what I can do to be part of the solution. It felt really good to do this.
Some responses came from a place of anger and missed the point — but there was one that stood out. She apologized and continued to share her experience as part of the problem and the solution. I felt relief and pain in the clarity of her tone. She wrote from an honest place —- I never felt that from her before in words, like a double positive in grammar (does this even exist?). It felt good to read her feelings. It’s the beginning of a conversation, I don’t know where it will lead but I believe in the connection and the sharing.
The progress I felt came from showing myself to people I love and holding out for the precious part; believing in myself and letting go of the result, so I could be surprised —- letting the abusive rhetoric fall away.
This is GREAT! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :applause: :applause: :applause:
I echo Three Roses :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :applause: :applause: :applause:
Also for most people it would take a lot of courage to do what you did :applause: :applause: :applause: there too.
It's great that one person responded the way she did :yes: In some families it might not even be one and/or the way you wrote enabled her to react this way.
Does a 'double positive' even exist? You know, it probably does in some language somewhere.
That is so awesome. :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: It really does take a lot of courage to do something like that. It was definitely worth the angry responses to get to the one who really got what you were trying to do.
LilyITV yes, it was a surprise to hear from the one family member —- the apology was unexpected. I was hoping to start a conversation about our family because I am not the only one hurting in the family, the pain of many is collecting and not going anywhere. the possibility of this happening with one person is something. Thank you for your cheer —- I need it to keep drawing lines.
Blueberry For so many years there was never one till now. It is a combination of my writing (trying to be clear with my heart) and the connection I have with this family member —- her mother passed away recently; her presence in my life was a gift, I was a lost child with a steady heart and she reaffirmed me.
Three Roses you are always there to cheer me on — your unwavering presence is felt.
Quote from: milk on November 27, 2018, 06:29:19 AM
It is a combination of my writing (trying to be clear with my heart)
That's what I assumed :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: for that. I think that's a huge step forward or maybe just a talent all by itself. I don't think I'm that far or have that talent.
This is really great to hear, Milk!
Honestly I'm so impressed and proud if I can be, that you responded to that email with your honest thoughts. And that positive mail back is that wonderful icing on top of the cake.
So happy for you.
Regards,
Ellis.
Thanks Ellis : )
Blueberry, writing was a challenge for me in the first few decades of it, the way my mind organizes words and thoughts naturally, is not legible to most folk — so I do overcompensate from too many years of being misunderstood.