Elpha's new adventure

[sanmagic7]

wow - that sounds like it would be tremendously powerful.  just in case you can't get at the actual carpet, perhaps a piece of yarn, string, or embroidery floss of the same color would make an acceptable substitute.  but i do hope you can get the actual carpet.  it's an intense visual, honey.  best to you with this.  love and a warm, comforting hug.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you. I have never had closure on any of the physical stuff. Matter of fact out of the bedroom window of the house my family does currently live in I can see the tree that is in one of my worst memories. It now sits in a school yard, but was in a corn field at the time... I have never ever burned anything for any sort of symbolic reason or direct closure.


It is a powerful visual to think of possibly taking the stuff, saying a few words, and then burning them. If I can't get the carpet I think yarn of the same color would be sufficient, just not quite the same. It would symbolize it well enough though. Hoping this might give me some sort of closure.


Now, I have a job interview early in the morning then an apartment viewing before work tomorrow. Big day to maybe have a new job and a place to live. Going to try to spend the night resting and prepping

[Elphanigh]

Feeling like I need to refuel today. It was exciting with the job interview, finally having a possible apartment for June, and a busy day at work. It ha sheen good but all the excitement really creates exhaustion too. I just feel super tired and worn thin, sadly I am always tired so the good just brings the same as the bad anymore. Also having a two hour interview wears on any ability to play the role I have.. it was a lot of intense pressure to start the day with.

I know Tuesday will be a session full of a million feelings, good and bad.

[sanmagic7]

i totally know the feeling of stress being stressful, whether it's pos. or neg.  it's a gritch, sometimes, to enjoy something then become exhausted because of it.  sucks, actually.

still, i do think as we continue in recovery, these things will balance out the way they're supposed to.  at least, i hope so.  dang, i really hope so!  in the meantime, let's enjoy the good stuff as best we can, rest up and refuel just as many times as we need to.  and, we'll deal with the neg. stuff as it comes, rest up and refuel after that as well.  hopefully, that balance will eventually tip in our favor.

i'm smiling today so everything looks pretty rosy to me.  love you, el, you precious thing.  good luck with the results of the interview, and your new place to live.  i'm heading for a new place to live at the end of june.  new beginnings.  warm hug, sweetie.

[Elphanigh]

I really hope those scales to tip in our favor one day. It is good to hear someone else gets tired off of the positive and negative stress the way I do. I wish I could feel energized by the good but my body jut isn't wired tat way right now.

Thank you for the well wishes. I will have to do two more interviews for this job to be completely mine, so I have to wait for results a few more times. Hopefully I hear something on Monday. I am moving in mid June, so we are moving close to the same time my dear. I wish you well on that venture. This reminds me I need to start packing once I get my apartment all clean

[DecimalRocket]

Hey, glad it's going so well. Good luck, Elpha. 

[Elphanigh]

I am becoming an aunt today!!! I got off work stressed and upset just to see a message thay my sister is in labor. It melted away so much of the last two days. I am just so thrilled my niece is finally going to be here! I will meet her on the 23rd!! 

[sanmagic7]

 

congrats to all of you.  hope mom and baby are doing well.   you're going to be an amazing aunt!   love and hugs all around.

[Elphanigh]

Thanks!! Both are well, baby is not yet born. Poor sister of mine is still in labor.  I am really excited to be an aunt and to see how my sister does as a mom

[Elphanigh]

It became official a few hours ago  I got to chat with my mom and sister, thankfully they remembered I said to call me no matter what hour of day. I have seen pictures and it just makes my heart melt. ❤️❤️

[Hope67]

Hi Elpha,
It's lovely that you felt your heart melt - I'm presuming that's a good feeling.
Hope 

[Elphanigh]

It is a wonderful feeling Hope. I am just so excited to have a niece and to watch my sister break the cycle

[Blueberry]

Congratulations on the birth of your niece! It sounds so good that her birth washed away some of the other stuff from the past few days.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you, Blueberry!

Sadly all that good ended up with me extremely exhausted this morning, which turned into a full ef at work today because I had a rough table, my boss was stressed, and I hit my breaking point. It takes a long time to get to that, but I have struggled since Friday night and the ef hit before I even knew what was happening.

Finally home and safe, going to order food because I can't cook and I haven't eaten at all today... it is 6:13pm and I started work at 7a.m... spent about 5 of those hours dissociated, panicked, and shaky... so my body is in desperate need of calories.

I have a job shadow for a possible job tomorrow, if it goes well and I like it I will have a new job that will only require fourty hours a week of me. So I need to come down and rock that tomorrow.

[sanmagic7]

fingers crossed and prayers flying, sweetie.  here's hoping for a more 'normal' work routine.  you sure deserve it.  love and hugs.