Hi all,
I am new here, but have read about. My psychiatrist has said she thinks I may have C-PTSD, and said to have a think about it until next week. I see her for my bipolar 1, depression and anxiety, possibly ADHD. She is thinking the ADHD may actually be a long term (since very early childhood) anxiety stemming from my home life. I am one of four children, and had both parents until I was 13 (then a step dad etc). I think now that my dad had bipolar 1 too, and it seems my mum, and older two siblings, have ASD. My son has been diagnosed, so I know it quite well. So I was surrounded by non-neurotypical people....!
I went on to marry a man with ASD. Now divorced. My new husband (of 4 years) is amazingly loving and kind. He thinks I'm smart and beautiful and worthy of love. I'm really finding that hard. I have three children, and can be very loving with them. My question about ridicule is because I'm really trying to see what it my childhood counts as abusive. I was spanked once, so hard I couldn't sit, for talking. That was my dad. The teacher at school hit me for talking too. I really did talk a lot. Mostly though, they didn't believe anything I said, and poke holes in everything I say - this still happens now. They will scoff and laugh, and I feel about 6 again. They are all so 'logical' and I am just an emotional talky mess, it seems. It doesn't matter what I achieve, its never ... valid. Or good enough. I have a PhD. It doesn't count either. My grades in school weren't perfect, like my older siblings, so I was the dummy. My little brother was super smart too, but at least he was nice. For some reason though, I still get treated like the dummy, I can't contribute to a conversation or debate, even if it is in my area. I guess we all have quite academic discussions when we get together, but I still get relegated to unheard and uninteresting status. As a child I got in a lot of trouble for talking, from siblings and my dad 'empty vessels make the most noise', 'engage your brain before your mouth' that kind of thing.
Anyway, I can see that lots fits, but I'm struggling because at the time I just thought everyone's family was like mine. My mum was cold, but loving at the same time. She's just very 'logical'. There were a lot more things in my teen years, but I have a feeling my psych is aiming at the younger years. Does ridicule count as a cause? Some people here have suffered so much more. I read Cat's post about being allowed to feel valid and worthy, and just cried.
Thanks.
I am new here, but have read about. My psychiatrist has said she thinks I may have C-PTSD, and said to have a think about it until next week. I see her for my bipolar 1, depression and anxiety, possibly ADHD. She is thinking the ADHD may actually be a long term (since very early childhood) anxiety stemming from my home life. I am one of four children, and had both parents until I was 13 (then a step dad etc). I think now that my dad had bipolar 1 too, and it seems my mum, and older two siblings, have ASD. My son has been diagnosed, so I know it quite well. So I was surrounded by non-neurotypical people....!
I went on to marry a man with ASD. Now divorced. My new husband (of 4 years) is amazingly loving and kind. He thinks I'm smart and beautiful and worthy of love. I'm really finding that hard. I have three children, and can be very loving with them. My question about ridicule is because I'm really trying to see what it my childhood counts as abusive. I was spanked once, so hard I couldn't sit, for talking. That was my dad. The teacher at school hit me for talking too. I really did talk a lot. Mostly though, they didn't believe anything I said, and poke holes in everything I say - this still happens now. They will scoff and laugh, and I feel about 6 again. They are all so 'logical' and I am just an emotional talky mess, it seems. It doesn't matter what I achieve, its never ... valid. Or good enough. I have a PhD. It doesn't count either. My grades in school weren't perfect, like my older siblings, so I was the dummy. My little brother was super smart too, but at least he was nice. For some reason though, I still get treated like the dummy, I can't contribute to a conversation or debate, even if it is in my area. I guess we all have quite academic discussions when we get together, but I still get relegated to unheard and uninteresting status. As a child I got in a lot of trouble for talking, from siblings and my dad 'empty vessels make the most noise', 'engage your brain before your mouth' that kind of thing.
Anyway, I can see that lots fits, but I'm struggling because at the time I just thought everyone's family was like mine. My mum was cold, but loving at the same time. She's just very 'logical'. There were a lot more things in my teen years, but I have a feeling my psych is aiming at the younger years. Does ridicule count as a cause? Some people here have suffered so much more. I read Cat's post about being allowed to feel valid and worthy, and just cried.
Thanks.