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she should have her license taken away - how dare she tell you it's "self-abuse" no one chooses to be sexually abused as a child!  I would report her.  So sorry you experienced that, no one should be attacked by their therapist like that. 

I completely relate, except for violent fantasies.  I find myself aroused by the idea of CSA, like on Law and Order SVU. I imagine that I'm the child.  And have had fantasies of being forced as an adult.  My guess is it's a way of taking back control of something I had no control over, my abuse started early (earliest memories from when I was 3 or 4.  These are definite symptoms that I had before I started to have memory breakthroughs.  Get a therapist who can work through these issues with you safely.

sorry if this is repetitive.  You are not a monster - you were a child and groomed and also frightened to disobey, the people who molested you are the monsters.  Being able to admit what happened is incredibly brave and shows you are making progress.  Remind yourself that you actually had little to no control and that you are doing a great and tremendously difficult thing by processing and dealing with your nightmare past.  Best to you.

amongst other things I'm an artist and I did a collage about my abuse (got a few more to do) I got images off the web that I associated with the abuse after making a list of things that reminded me of that time and made me feel uncomfortable - as I pasted the collage together I found myself remembering and after I coloured it in to turn it into something better than the bad memories.  Things really flowed for me and it might work for others.

Depends on who is asking - I'm also a magnet for narcissists and psychopaths and have been lied to by so many that I have a really hard time lying about how I am.  I either try to ignore the question, or just say I'm hanging in there, or that I'm not great but don't elaborate.  Of course the How are you is triggering to me also so I tend to not talk to anyone for days or weeks at a time.  I just refuse to put on a happy face when that is not how I feel.

I isolate like it's my job - it sucks.  You want company, but then you are terrified of people seeing you... I just joined this group because I'm having a really hard time again (sometimes it seems to get better)  alcohol... I used to binge drink (both parents alcoholics) but stopped.  I still drink to self-medicate but like 1 glass of wine a few times a month.  I smoke pot daily for years but stopped that recently.  it's a struggle because I'm angry and want to get high and chill but can't get pot regularly so... If I could I would get anti-depressant and anti-anxiety, have you tried a psychiatrist.  I have been medicated a few times and it helps a lot.  Sorry you are going through this.

I am a female.  I'm an Air Force Bratt who moved every 2-3 years until age 13 with my family so never really spent time with extended family.  I was sexually abused by my half brother from at least age 3 - possibly soon as my mother described grooming from the time I was born (though she wouldn't have called it that).  My mother was an alcoholic narcissist who died of lung cancer three years ago - I stopped communicating with her 5 years before that because after I told her about the molestation she said I was ruining her life and that I just had to talk it out with my half brother.  My father died 22 years ago from alcoholism.  My 2nd boyfriend became my first husband and is a psychopath who beat me severely - broken rib, nose, cheek, jaw.  My 2nd husband is a borderline personality sociopath with possible schizophrenia (no contact so don't know if he got diagnosed)  who yelled at me constantly and berated me for being too sensitive and not being strong enough.  My last boyfriend is a sociopath narcissist who constantly cheated and lied to me and then blamed me for finding out.  He was much younger than me and constantly told me I was too old.  I make less than 17,000 a year and have no health insurance (too much $ for Medicaid, too little for insurance, and I can't find a full-time job after 3 years of searching on and off).  so yeah I have C-Ptsd, was officially diagnosed when I had some health care 3 years ago.  I don't date anymore and go days or weeks at a time without talking to anyone.  I'm really scared and lonely.  I feel alien.  I feel useless.  I feel hopeless.  I'm a mess.