I just spent a long weekend with with my parents

[Dee]

I just got home from spending a weekend with my parents.  I stayed in a hotel, but I think it was too much.  I just got home after a 4 hour drive and I am sick.  I broke out around my lips and I am itchy all over, but mostly my neck, face, and eyelids.  My nose is bothering me and my throat hurts.

I can't do this many more times.  My mom poked me and said I have hips, I've gained weight.  My dad actually told her to leave me alone, I was too damn skinny.  It is always super awkward around him.  My mom was always critical and just mean at times.  My dad is more complicated, he just defended me.  I don't know....I still blame myself.  If he was always mean, like my mom, it would be easier.

If that wasn't enough my nephew who is 29 has asked several times where my dad was when he was growing up.  He was in prison for those of you who don't know.  My sister told him it isn't pleasant and if he still wants to know at 30 she will tell him.  Of course I am the evil person in all this.  If she does this, I think that's it.  I can't have it out there and my nephew has a big mouth.  His wife will know, my other nephew will know, my sister's in-laws (who live here) will know.  My kids don't know and I don't want them to know.   Besides, I can't do it.  I cannot have everyone think so poorly of me and be around them.  I think it is also about keeping the secret.  So in about a year I think it is over.  I'll make the decision for me and my kids to break all ties.  It would be nice to have some input, but I can see my opinion doesn't matter.

I feel just so run down it is amazing.  The good news is I probably can get away without seeing them for another year of so.

[Three Roses]

Having a hard time putting words together... I'm sorry you're going thru this. It's horrible that we now we feel guilty for things that weren't our fault. We were just kids.

[radical]

You are so stoic and brave, Dee.
What an absolute nightmare.  I wish it was going to be so much longer than 12 months until you have to do that again.
The world is so unfair and crazy.

[Wife#2]

Dee, big, big hug first of all.

That you were even strong enough to see them at all is a testament to your overall strength. WOW. If you ever do again, that is you being heroically strong.

Yes, it does sound as if most of the family just doesn't talk about THOSE years, during the unpleasantness. As long as you and your children are safe, that's the only priority that really matters.

I think you handled it as well as it could be handled, which is probably why your body fell apart as soon as you were safely away. All the strain of holding in all those things you'd love to shout HAS to take a toll.

One last thing... It is a bit lonely being the outcast from your FOO. I know, I currently am the pariah for not being grateful enough to my father for a present and to my mother for not caving over T-day weekend. But, there are benefits as well. Less drama. Peace & quiet. They're silent treating me, so my phone rings even less than it used to.

HUGS to you! I hope that, with the passing of some time, you're getting your health back some.

[Dee]

I am so sick this is crazy.  I bought my ex dinner last night so he would take the kids out.  I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning and my blood pressure and pulse were crazy high.  I am so nauseated it is crazy, who knew a visit could do this.  Family pressure sucks! 

Thanks for all the support!  I'm going to go and take a nap and see if it helps.

I'm sorry if I have not been more attentive to others lately, holidays take a toll.  I appreciate you all.

[Eyessoblue]

Hope you're feeling better dee.