Just joined

[Northern Soul]

Hello everyone.

My psychotherapist directed me here today and I thought it would be good to get involved. I  was finally diagnosed with CPTSD in 2014 after a 10 year battle to be "heard" and "understood" by our local medical professionals.... My injury/illness has a long and complex history, but enough to say that I lived through a terrorist insurgency overseas and experienced a time of prolonged duress and hypervigilance between 2002 and 2004... As I child I may have suffered emotional trauma.  In short a combination of "complex" factors has led me to where I am today.  I hope my input will prove useful to others and that I might get a bit of support in return. One of the biggest issues I have had since 2004 is "Being understood." It's clearly very difficult for those who don't have this illness to understand it. I have directed friends and family to the web-site and HOPE that they will read and learn. My very best wishes to everyone here and a big Thank You to the founders of the site.  😊😊😊

[SM]

Welcome... we're here for you and understand the feeling of not being heard 

I hope your family is supportive and wants to learn to be able to help you through this.

Glad you were sent here 

[bring em all in]

Welcome to the community!   

[Northern Soul]

Thanks. To be honest my family is not as supportive as I would like them to be. It seems that I grew up in a house with a father who has Asbergers ( ASD) but we never knew !! It was only a couple of years ago that I "discovered" this in therapy. It has helped me understand my issues a bit more but everyone in my family seems to want to "ignore" the issue. It took tremendos effort for me to tell my Dad what I thought the problem was. His reply was "It makes no difference, we are all on the spectrum." and he hasn't spoken to me since. He and his partner live their lives in a very "selfish" way but are utterly convinced that they are "right" and I am "wrong"...ho hum. My mum does her best and I live with her. We try to support each other but it is difficult at times. She too is probably "traumatized" from her VERY difficult relationship with my Dad...My sister is "busy" with her own life and family and at times i feel very overwhelmed by my situation. I guess that staying here at home to look after my mum is a good thing to do, but it doesn't seem to be helping my recovery and I get VERY frustrated by my situation. I do have a good Councillor and EMDR and a bit of TFCBT have helped me tremendously to reprocess my experiences of terrorism and prolonged duress. However, leaving the "war zone" and coming home has been a bit like "out of the frying pan and into the fire" for me...Life can be pretty tough. Just now I am feeling constantly exhausted. Some of my family turned up at Christmas. No one took time to ask my mother or myself "how we are." They just helped themselves. made a mess and disappeared...after telling me I was miserable!!  I think they really upset me. Dealing with CPTSD is difficult, and even more so when the support you need from family really doesn't seem to be there as much as you'd like. It has been like this since 2004. I have asked them to look at this web-site and have previously tried hard to explain my illness, but they just don't seem to have the time or inclination to help...It has gone on so long I think they are just fed up with me/it... I was a reasonably successful and happy person in my former life. These days everything is difficult and I have to work very hard to stay "present, centered and connected." It's very tough TBH.

[SM]

That's really upsetting for sure and I am sorry to hear that you are lacking support in that area of your life, which seems rather crucial.  Unfortunately, as amazing as it would be, we can't control anyone but ourselves and as CPTSD has shown us, even then we struggle lol. I know that it's hard to understand how people can be so cruel and unsupportive, usually it's because people fear what they don't understand and they also have fears of having to accept that someone they love is 'Damaged'.  You are so strong and brave and doing what you need to for you and that is a feat in itself. Take pride and comfort in all you are capable of despite your trauma. You have us.

[Northern Soul]

I don't think they mean to be cruel. I just don't think they can "face it." and they are busy. I want them to have happy and fulfilled lives and I do try not to be angry/upset with them but sometimes  It's a tough call and at times I tend to "avoid" them for fear of them triggering a strong stress reaction. (Thats what they did at Xmas.) ... Since 2004-2006  , when I really properly broke down, I have had to make tremendous adjustments and it has been tough. However, on the positive side, I have still managed to achieve things and am still plodding on. "Never, Ever Give Up" is my motto...I hope others might  follow my example do the same!  Thanks for the reply.    it could always be worse and We will get there!

[Kizzie]

Hi  Northern Soul     I am on the run this week but wanted to stop in quickly and say welcome and point you to some pdf information sheets you/your family might find useful - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/.  It helps to be able to come here and talk about the disorder because we do understand while it can difficult for family sometimes.  There isn't one specifically for family (yet), but they are or can be validating. Hope they are helpful.

[bring em all in]

Northern Soul wrote: "Never, Ever Give Up" is my motto...I hope others might  follow my example do the same! 

I'm with you- like my favorite song quote says, "I'm not gonna quit until I'm laid in my tomb/and even then they better shut it tight!"  T-Bone Burnette

[Dee]

Welcome Northern Soul.  I think you will find that are welcomed and belong here.

[sanmagic7]

just wanting to add to the support you're getting here.  being in the midst of an unsupportive family is the pits, and it's understandable to me why you have to fight to stay present, centered, and grounded.  it's a rough situation.  we're here any time you want to get something out of you.  take care of you.  big hug.

[Northern Soul]

Thanks for the positive replies. It is much appreciated. I have learned over the years to "pace myself." My "functioning" became quite severely curtailed after my experiences of terrorism, hyper vigilance and subsequent breakdown... At times I am amazed at just how much of an effect CPTSD can have . Anyone who has it has my sincere best wishes and sympathy. It's cruel.

Again, trying to be positive,  I have to say that since my life took this unexpected  "different direction"  I have always tried to remain active and "busy" (but not too busy). I maintain a nice garden, fix motorcycles, try to help others wherever possible and do the best I can. The weirdest thing is how tired I can get and  how unexpectedly this can happen...I have to learn to recognize "triggers" and as readers will know some of these are very difficult to spot.

This site has been very useful already and I have started reading  Pete Walkers book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA." It is a very "good fit" for me and I thoroughly recommend it. Since starting the book  I have been trying to concentrate a bit more on connecting with my "inner child" and have been thinking back. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, I now think my Dad had Asbergers (ASD) and that this was a key contributing "traumatising"  factor from Childhood. Importantly though,  it was NEVER my fathers intention to "damage" me and it is such a shame for all of us that his own issues were not discovered or recognised when he was young. I think a lot more recognition needs to be given to ASD and EDUCATION is so important here, for professionals and public alike. Sadly the "stigma" that so often accompanies MH issues, PD's etc clearly hampers proper recognition, understanding and support. It's very sad. I will keep on going and will drop in here from time to time. Thanks again for the support and kind words.

[sanmagic7]

i can totally relate to getting tired more quickly than i would expect or want.  i think that sometimes i'm concentrating so hard, focusing so specifically on what i'm doing, keeping myself on track, that i'm using more energy than i expect.  i've learned to alter my pacing, adjusting, being patient with myself, and doing a lot more resting/relaxing, all of which are now part of my lifestyle - very different from when i was a 'gal on the go'!  still, that was then, and it's just not the same now.  working within a c-ptsd paradigm can be exhausting at times.  it sounds like you've got a good awareness of what you need to do and when.  keep it up.  hugs.