Good morning, what's up?

[caseyjobs]

Hello everyone - wanted to introduce myself.  My partner recommended this site and it's been a great find.  Yesterday I browsed around a bit and found way more hopeful avenues than I could count.  I also chuckled to myself over how complex the structure of this forum is and how maybe that's reflective of the underlying thing.   I don't know, I find comfort in that.

Anyway, I'm not gonna get too deep into my story other than to say that I have childhood sexual trauma in my past in combination with emotionally abusive parents.  The trauma memories were repressed until my early 30's around which time both my psyche and my life exploded.   A few years later, I'm now much more sane and happier, but it's up and down, of course.  I've only recently accepted that the symptoms, the struggle, I have is best described by the label Complex PTSD - my therapist diagnosed me with this a while ago, but language didn't mean much at the time.  I've also recently realized, accepted that I'm not alone in this.  And that's immensely comforting and empowering.

I'm really trying to focus on helping others with this as I've run into the brick wall of trying to manage my trauma all myself all the time.  If I'm in trauma land exclusively for too long, that's all I see - so my intention is to reach out and help others.  To connect that way and relate.  To look outside of myself.  And so that's why I'm here.  To start processing some of this stuff with other humans, with yous, to start trusting, to start lending a helping hand.

[Lilfae]

Welcome to the forum!
I'm also relatively new, but have found the forum both helpful and supportive.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Hey Casey.
You are most certainly not alone in all this, you will find many people who experience the same 'CPTSD', and some with similar trauma to yours I'm sure as well. You shouldn't have to deal with all of it alone. Hope you can stick around. ^-^

[Traveller]

Hi
I am also new to the group & really identified with your post. Hopefully, we can support each other.
Welcome !

Traveller

[EliseB]

Hi, I am also new here and only recently learned about the concept of CPTSD.  I have been working with a therapist for a little while on my symptoms of PTSD, but I am realizing that a lot of my adult trauma (being in a physically abusive and exploitative relationship) has roots in my childhood trauma (being emotionally abused, when I was not being neglected; also witnessing DV and my sister being molested at a young age).  I have felt the need to connect to others who can understand how I feel.  Although I seem well adjusted on the outside and have a professional job and stable life *at this time,  I still deal with the feelings of chaos, fear, abandonment, and sadness on the inside. 

I had a similar experience in my early 30s, when all these emotions seemed to re-surface from a very deep place (due to some issues with my family). However I also think it came at a time when I was starting to become more emotionally ready to handle the explosion that ensued. A few years later and with therapy and a lot of inner work, I am now starting to feel better.  I still struggle on a regular basis and I feel the healing is going to be a lifelong process, which I am prepared to commit myself to. I still feel the need to be connected to others who personally understand, so I was really happy to find this forum.  Sometimes it just helps to read when I am having a rough day and feeling alone.  At the same time I found Pete Walker's website, and I'm learning a lot more about this healing process.

I agree with you that helping others is also an important step forward. In my work I help others on a daily basis, and looking back I think this has been a big part of my healing in the last few years. Good luck with everything, and thank you to everyone who posts here! It is such a comfort to know that I am not alone in how I feel inside.

[caseyjobs]

Right on, EliseB - I felt a lot of resonance reading your words.

[EliseB]

Thanks Caseyjobs.  I'm glad to have a place to connect to others like this.  Over time I realized how many people out there really are suffering from past trauma. Ironically many of them feel so alone when the truth is otherwise.

Best wishes and have a wonderful day!

[hank]

Ironically many of them feel so alone when the truth is otherwise.

That's right, right there. We are not alone.