What happened exactly tw

[Elf Power]

Hello!
I just recently figured out my mom is a covert narc. Im trying to make sense of what happened. So one day my mom brought me to a lady's house. No one greeted us when we walk in. She sat me down in the front room alone and said sit here this lady doesn't like children. I was pretty young like 7 or 8. My mom disappears somewhere in the back of the house while I'm sitting there in utter fear and terror. I'm thinking the lady is a witch and going to come out screaming at me. My mom takes her sweet time and eventually comes out and we leave. Never see the lady. Years later, the lady dies and my mom puts her picture on her telephone desk next to other family pictures. What the heck who does this to a child?!!! Then puts their picture out? Is this strange or what?
Is saying "Are you feeling sorry for yourself?" Showing compassion for a child who's just home from the hospital after a pretty painful surgery? Like instead of something more compassionate like"I'm so sorry you must be so uncomfortable!" this feels actually sadistic or am I over reacting?
Thank you!

[ednasurvivalmode]

Elf Power,

Feelings aren't wrong at all. The way you asked if you were overreacting reminds me of myself. My mother is diagnosed HPD and even though I know this, I still feel like I'm imagining the covert forms of abuse she uses. I can say that from experience, when she did something similar to me, it made me feel of no importance to her and that my safety did not matter. I do not think you're over reacting at all. Covert abuse is awful and very isolating. I am sorry you went through surgery and she didn't consider how you felt.

ednasurvivalmode

[PaperDoll]

Thank you for sharing Elf Power. Your post resonates with me.

Aside from some major events that happened, it was the relentless pattern of behaviour from my parents, some of it seemingly minor on the surface, that eroded my self-esteem over time. I only learned about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recently after being diagnosed with cPTSD and recognised all the signs in my childhood. Even knowing this as I do now, I still feel confused and doubt myself.

Like ednasurvivalmode says, feelings aren't wrong at all. I have to keep reminding myself of this because there were always negative consequences for showing feelings in the home I grew up in
yet we had to tread on eggshells around my father and endure his unpredictable mood swings.

I am so sorry for the little you who didn't get the compassion she deserved after her surgery.

[Kizzie]

Hi Elf, my M was a covert N too and I still look back on how sick I felt being around her and confused and frightened by the underlying menace my body knew was there. It was like living in an alternate universe with rules I couldn't fathom and really how could I when they came from a place of N disorder?

Healthy M's would not take their child to visit someone who didn't like children (and why would they be friends with someone like that - says a lot)? If ever I took my son somewhere where there weren't other children to play with I would pack up a bag of toys, colouring books, etc and he would sit with us and play. That's what M's who care do.

So, yes it's very strange what your M did but then she is a covert N so really, not at all. That's how they roll and why we develop CPTSD.