Thanks for replying, Boatsetsailrose and Trees. I'm really glad I found this site! Thank you for the book suggestion. I'm going to look for a copy in the library!
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Please Introduce Yourself Here / Nice to meetcha
July 28, 2015, 05:17:21 PM
Hi. I'm here because the face to face world is an incredibly isolating place of confusion, fear, and wishing I could understand and relate to people better. I have no idea how act like a normal person. When I get stressed about something I ruminate and can't really talk about much else, whether it's something going on now or feeling like I'm burdening people with stories of an abusive childhood, people who cant relate because they have healthy families and have therefore never had any need to step out of their comfortable boxes and relate to another person's struggle, but then I can't express that either because then I'm just "being negative." *sigh*
I'm hoping that by coming here I can get some perspective and stop alienating people in day to day life. I've tried therapy face to face but so far all I've found are therapists with weak boundaries and looks of shock on their faces when I speak candidly about my experiences, or I tell them things and then through their responses I hear their own stories bleeding through in what sound to me like inaccurate and bizarre interpretations. This is probably because all I seem to have access to are interns who lack the nuanced understanding that comes with experience. I know this isn't supposed to be a replacement for therapy but my goddess I need something!
I'm hoping that by being here I can have a place to relax where I'm not at odds with the world, where I can talk to people who understand what it's like to know in your bones how OMFGHOSTILE the world can seem at times, and what it's like to get the eye rolling and snide comments from the naive and judgmental majority that pervade the public and private spheres, where the blatant stigma and seemingly lighthearted dehumanizing cuts to the core aren't par for the course of navigating your way through the day. *God, I'm just kidding. Lighten up! <-----nope
I'm hoping that this will finally be the place that I find a feeling of peace and refuge. It always feels final. It never is. I've tried the medication route in an attempt to stamp out the symptoms but I can't learn when I'm on some meds, I can't stay awake on others, I'm just not me on others, my hair falls out on others, I lose impulse control and my sense of what's appropriate on still others, sometimes it's a crossover. There has to be some way of controlling flashback symptoms that doesn't involve pure willpower or drugging. Rigid order in the house generally helps but I have young roommates who don't see the value in this. At least this affirms the life path that never led me to have children. Who knows, there's still a little time for that.
Lastly, I'm here looking for a place where people who truly understand what the roller coaster of CPTSD is like to ride, who can tell me when I'm right and when I'm wrong and help me navigate the chaotic, mysterious, often duplicitous behaviors of humanity. <---possibly me looking through a flashback lense here
I'm hoping that by coming here I can get some perspective and stop alienating people in day to day life. I've tried therapy face to face but so far all I've found are therapists with weak boundaries and looks of shock on their faces when I speak candidly about my experiences, or I tell them things and then through their responses I hear their own stories bleeding through in what sound to me like inaccurate and bizarre interpretations. This is probably because all I seem to have access to are interns who lack the nuanced understanding that comes with experience. I know this isn't supposed to be a replacement for therapy but my goddess I need something!
I'm hoping that by being here I can have a place to relax where I'm not at odds with the world, where I can talk to people who understand what it's like to know in your bones how OMFGHOSTILE the world can seem at times, and what it's like to get the eye rolling and snide comments from the naive and judgmental majority that pervade the public and private spheres, where the blatant stigma and seemingly lighthearted dehumanizing cuts to the core aren't par for the course of navigating your way through the day. *God, I'm just kidding. Lighten up! <-----nope
I'm hoping that this will finally be the place that I find a feeling of peace and refuge. It always feels final. It never is. I've tried the medication route in an attempt to stamp out the symptoms but I can't learn when I'm on some meds, I can't stay awake on others, I'm just not me on others, my hair falls out on others, I lose impulse control and my sense of what's appropriate on still others, sometimes it's a crossover. There has to be some way of controlling flashback symptoms that doesn't involve pure willpower or drugging. Rigid order in the house generally helps but I have young roommates who don't see the value in this. At least this affirms the life path that never led me to have children. Who knows, there's still a little time for that.
Lastly, I'm here looking for a place where people who truly understand what the roller coaster of CPTSD is like to ride, who can tell me when I'm right and when I'm wrong and help me navigate the chaotic, mysterious, often duplicitous behaviors of humanity. <---possibly me looking through a flashback lense here
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