I received a call yesterday from the mammography clinic that I need to go back in because the radiologist wants more Xrays and an ultrasound to check something s/he found in the Xrays I had about 2 wks ago. My heart stopped and I am so afraid. I survived ovarian cancer in 2007 but if it's breast cancer will I be so lucky?
I just started feeling good again after two knee replacements - getting out and walking and riding my bike, making plans to do so much more than I have been able to do in years and now maybe yet another potentially serious health issue. I go in on Monday - it will be a long, tough weekend and then week waiting to hear.
I hate having CPTSD. My heart has taken a beating for sure, but my poor body has been injured/damaged just as much :'(
Hi Kizzie,
Wishing you strength to endure the wait for your appointment on Monday - I hope you can find some things to help you to cope and distract yourself from worrying, but I know it won't be so easy to do that. But hopefully the news will not be bad, and whatever happens, you're being seen early - so they can do whatever they need to do to help you the best way. Just wanted to send you a warm and supportive hug, if that's ok :hug: - thinking of you and wishing you the best outcome.
Hope :)
Kizzie,
I am sending you all the love and compassion in the world. It is scary dealing with so many health issues, but I am glad you are getting seen earlier. As Hope said, it means they can do what they need to help you best. Cancer is something that really hits close to home for me, know that you are in my thoughts always. Good luck, Kizzie. I do truly hope that what she found was nothing and this is just a safe precaution. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Love and safe warm hugs :hug:
Tks Hope and Elph - unfortunately it has been 7 yrs since my last mammogram which is why I am scared (i.e., it may not be early). I am trying not to panic, but having gone through cancer once I do worry.
Hugs are awesome, I love them (which is something because in 2013 I didn't even like cyber ones) ;)
:bighug: :bighug: Sending distraction from the panic, strength, courage, and good support IRL from whoever can provide that.
I am glad you have grown to like the cyber hugs, Kizzie. :grouphug:
Remember we are all with you through this.
:bighug: That is some really scary news that you've recieved! I hope it all goes well on monday and that it was all "just" a scare.
Sending you all the support I can!
Wish you the best on Monday. Try not to diagnose yourself before you know what's wrong. Harder said than done.
:hug:
Dee
Kizzie,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how the waiting must be weighing on you. Sending you love and strength during this time.
Take care,
Deep Blue
Tks for your good wishes everyone, it really does help. :yes:
Time for a :grouphug:
Kizzie,
I'm so sorry, I know it can be horrible, like your nerves are being chafed.
In my experience, waiting is the worst part. When you know what you're up against you know where to direct your energy, you come up with plans, you regroup. Make lists... think, use logic... all the grounding things that give order and control back. Whether it's bad news or good news, you have a job to do once you get it but waiting can be exhausting business because your mind is trying to do all that too soon, before you know all the facts. It goes around in circles till it collapses.
Can you distract yourself with silly things, I mean seriously stupid ones that would keep your mind partially busy? Like binge watching ridiculous things and eating junk food you love but wouldn't ordinarily touch, whatever works. I bet there'll still be the worry and stress in the background, it would be worrying if you didn't feel horrible right now. Nothing could be more realistic than feeling awful while you have to wait.
I'm thinking of you
Hi Kizzie
Good luck on Monday. Sending positive energy and good vibes over the weekend.
Slim
Thinking of you and wishing a good outcome. It's so unfair to have this awful period of not knowing, so take good care of yourself.
Libby.
May you draw on the deep reservoir of self-compassion you've shown in how you've handled this forum. It's something we've all learned about you.
You need it now, but it's not easy to maintain; so here's to your continued ability to find that strength to carry you now. And remember you have the support of everyone here as well.
:grouphug:
having just gone thru both these tests twice in the past 8 mos., and having had cancer surgery last nov., i totally empathize with what you're facing, physically and emotionally. sending all the strength i can muster, and i agree with everyone about distracting yourself as best you can. waiting is the pits. love and tons of hugs, kizzie. we're with you all the way.
Tk you again everyone, you are truly the best. :yes:
I had this epiphany of sorts yesterday that I can't live in the fear any more, I need to live with the fear as best I can (if that makes sense). I found myself saying that what will be will be and I will deal with it whatever comes my way. I always find it difficult to capture how this kind of thing feels internally but it is as if more of me is working together to get through this. Younger me seems to be okay this time, there's no sobbing in the background, or even the kind of very primal fear like there used to be when it felt like bad things just kept happening to her. My fear feels more mature, normal, healthy even.
A large part of being better able to cope is feeling cared for here and that I matter. I will be taking you all with me on Monday and holding you close until I find out the results. :bighug:
KIzzie
We love you Kizzie
:grouphug: :grouphug:
It is so great that you are having that sort of epiphany with all of this. We will all be there with you :grouphug: :grouphug: sending hugs for you and little you, even those she is doing better this round
I'm there right now. My thoughts are with you. As an old Tom Petty song says, the waiting is the hardest part.
:grouphug:
Hey, no words. Just hugs.
:grouphug:
I'm so sorry you are going through this scare, Kizzie. I am sending love and much support from here.
Take good care of yourself.
You are so right kizzie,
Its about living with the fear and not living in fear.
I'm thinking of you, sending a hug too :grouphug:
Wow, what an epiphany! Living with the fear and not in it. It's a powerful image. "In it" - Little you is surrounded and overpowered. "With it" - Adult you is somewhat detached and can pull through and out of the fear. There's more than just fear on the horizon and you can pull Little you a bit out of the fear too. :grouphug: :bighug: :grouphug:
Wishing you tons of strength for Mon.
Like others in this community, I'll be with you in spirit on Monday (or tuesday where I am.
It must be tough getting through the weekend waiting.
sending love across the ocean. :hug:
Kizzie,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this again. I can't offer anything more than my support for you here, and add my little bit of muscle to this determined pile of strength. Though you are a tough woman to begin with.
Xo
we'll be with you tomorrow - glad you're taking us along. it helped me to do just that when i left mexico. gave me more strength than i could've mustered on my own.
great epiphany. 'with' instead of 'in' the fear - empowering change of perspective. hoping for the best. love and hugs, kizzie.
Wishing you all the very best for today, Kizzie! We're all with you! :grouphug:
Holding hands with you in the waiting room. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Sending you lots of love and courage :hug: :hug: With you all the way, Kizzzie
Well II loaded you all onto a bus this morning and off we went to the hospital ;D Tk you all for coming with me :bighug:
It was a thorough exam with 3 more XRays and an ultra sound on both sides. That is concerning on the one hand (there have been changes in the 7 yrs since I went and it is in both breasts), and reassuring in another (they are really going the distance to get the information they need). The XRay technician also told me that call backs are not unusual and that for 95% there is nothing cancerous, just normal changes in the breast over time. I will have the results by Fri.
My IC did not cry in the background as she normally does and I did not dissociate so that's progress. I did feel this deep, deep tiredness coming over me as we drove home and when I got in I laid down and slept for 6 hours. Quite honestly, I still feel like all I want to do is snuggle down under my fuzzy warm throw, listen to the birds sing outside, nap, rest. And that's just what I am going to do. :zzz:
I hope you are cuddled up, getting the much needed rest :hug: :zzz: I am glad to hear all went well, and will be keeping you in my thoughts as you wait for the results.
Kizzie,
Glad to hear it went well and that it was thorough. We are still with you. Hope you get the rest you need. Take it easy sweet Kizzie.
:grouphug:
Take all the self-care you can, and then some more. :hug:
Yeah, take it easy Kizzie, and I hope your dreams give you much needed rest. :hug:
Quote from: Kizzie on April 30, 2018, 11:51:45 PM
Quite honestly, I still feel like all I want to do is snuggle down under my fuzzy warm throw, listen to the birds sing outside, nap, rest. And that's just what I am going to do. :zzz:
Go for it! Enjoy and comforting dreams. :hug: :hug:
It's good that it was thorough and :thumbup: on technician saying that most of the time it's a precaution only. Wishing you lots of strength and courage and distractions till you get the results.
thinking of you, kizzie. do what's most comfy for you to get thru the waiting period. that always sucks. by your side on this, my dear. love and hugs.
Kizzie, how are you? Thinking of you and hope your report comes back clean. Whatever happens, we are all here to support you! :grouphug:Big hugs!
No word yet, but I am hoping to hear back by tomorrow Phoebes, tks for asking. :hug: Allie posted about Tom Petty's "Waiting is the hardest part" and that has certainly been true for me this past week. :yes: My house is a lot cleaner at least :hoovering:
Sending you warm thoughts, Kizzie!
:bighug:
Thinking of you today
Love,
Deep Blue
I phoned my doctor's office this morning and the results are in but she had not read them yet. I just phoned again and the office closed at noon (did not know that), so I won't hear now until Tues at the earliest (she's off on Mon). I am a patient without much patience - gah!
Oh no, I am sorry you have to wait again. I feel like that would have been something important for her to read. We will all be with you as you wait this weekend. Hope you can keep busy :hug:
So sorry Kizzie,
That seems so frustrating to me. Sending you strength and love. :grouphug:
Quote from: Deep Blue on May 04, 2018, 11:46:47 PM
So sorry Kizzie,
That seems so frustrating to me. Sending you strength and love. :grouphug:
:yeahthat: :hug: :hug:
Kizzie,
You have been on my mind today. How are you holding up?
Love,
Deep Blue
Out but had to post that my drs office called and I only have to go for a fol-up in 6 mos (so nothing of immediate concern) - PHEW!!!!!!
TK you all for your care and concern - it helped me so much (((((hugs)))).
K
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: I'm so happy for you Kizzie!
So good to hear Kizzie :cheer: :cheer:
Phew... I'm exhaling with you
:hug:
:yes: ;) :yes:
So glad for you Kizzie!!
Man, that must be a relief. I bet you're more than glad the wait's over. When I'm relieved, I feel like a balloon losing all the air of stress and finally . . . relaxing.
:cheer: :cheer:
Very glad you got such nice feedback!
Great News!!! :cheer: :grouphug:
:hug: to you Kizzie, this is wonderful news :cheer:
Hope :)
I slept so well last night, couldn't keep my eyes open actually :zzz: How do you spell relief? Zzzzzzz ;D
We don't often have an opportunity here to use this emoticon (and that's kind of sad), but I must say I am on :cloud9: as is my H. I am incredibly relieved that I am not heading down that path of another major medical problem to deal with. :yes:
Tks again everyone, you are the best tribe ever! :grouphug:
I'm happy to hear about the good news.
Really happy to hear that. What a relief!
:cheer: