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Hi all...
this post  isn't about therapy per se but how my spouse reacts to what I may be going through at any time. I am the caregiver to my wife who has a number of immune system diseases, but who can still function. I have been doing SE therapy for 4 years now, I am much improved, my nervous system has been reborn, I am so calm and relaxed most of the time it is wonderful. However I have this rather large issue of not being able to feel emotion in my body, only in my head. I cry easily and am empathetic and compassionate. however I am basically numb emotionally from my neck to groin. I have a hard time expressing and receiving love/compliments etc, its a little better, but still pretty blocked.

Anyway, last session I had the  therapist suggested we finally deal with the nasty emotional incest and physical sexual abuse I suffered as a young boy. OK with me, and to prepare myself I started to write a journal around the abuse and read a few books dealing with this...
Spouse has not been too happy around me as I have been totally engrossed by this, as I am hoping that dealing with this will unlock my frozen emotions. Today we had a bit of a chat about it, she gets very lonely and needy when I spend most of my time doing my therapy and not being available.
I am stumped, not sure what to do. I know that on one level part of me feels like the child again living with the shut off parents...
anyway, would appreciate any thoughts, feedback, suggestions...

Redwing

 
thx Kizzie

uggg, four years of SE+ and in the doldrums, I now understand why Pete Walker is so firm about this being a lifetime project. Luckily I am an old guy (72) so I don't have much more time to suffer, lol.
Realizing also that no one therapy is going to work all the time. My therapist uses a variety of modalities, as well as I myself read and practice ideas and skills form various folks. Read a lovely book of Stephen Levine: Unattended Sorrow, some beautiful stuff in there.
Also two books by Judith Blackstone: Trauma and The Unbound Body, and Belonging Here:  A guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person. I really thought I had found gold with these, but as ever it was fools gold, there is no quick or easy fix....
One breath at a time, but some days the pain is just too much...yes??
Redwing

Hi Kizzie...
yeah patience, acceptance of present experience and no expectations...sometimes it is hard...lol

primitive reflexes: my T took training with Stephen Terrell, he co wrote the resilience book mentioned in my original post. There is a whole healing sequence in the body work training, the primitive reflexes are an "enhancement" They are quite incredible to do as an adult, one has no idea that birth/prenatal trauma has affected development...
here is a link: https://www.lynnhellerstein.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Primitive_Reflexes-1.pdf

Brainspotting is a another weird one, as my T admits she is a little on the bleeding edge when it comes to new stuff, so we get to try things..:-) Essentially the developer was and EMDR therapist who was noticing some clients reactions to where they were looking...story in link below.
https://brainspotting.com/
I have only done a few sessions of it, very useful if one has a specific issue arising....

one day at a time, mostly...
stay well and warm...
Redwing

Hi BluePalm,
Thanks so much for this...I will look into the book. I did read the other one, will see if I am ready, sure feels like it...
all the best, stay well
Redwing

hello all...from sunny Canada
am just midway through year 4 of therapy. It started as SE and added new features as needed. Brainspotting being the latest, a kind EMDR derivative especially for trauma. Very powerful...

Two books I have found very useful are: Nurturing Resilience, Kathy Kain/Stephen Terrell, and Healing Developmental Trauma, Laurence Heller.
My therapist uses a lot of the Kain/Terrell material, especially the Primitive Reflex Exercises, which are awesome. We did a whole year of those once a week on Zoom.

This seems to be a long and winding journey, sometimes patience leaves, but then returns.

all the best,
Stay well
Redwing

Hello all.....
I am 71 years old, done a lot of therapy, spent the past 4 years in specific trauma therapy SE plus talk therapy. My central issue is the same as it was  at the start of this round of therapy, not being able to feel positive emotion; joy, love, happiness etc, in my body. Bad stuff is easy; anxiety fear, sadness even anger to some extent. But no matter what I try I just cannot feel positive feeling emotion in the body. I do have the feelings/emotions in my head, mainly about music, nature, people are still not to be trusted.
     I finally did manage to get angry at my therapist yesterday for not being there when I needed her. I don't mean rage, but pure anger, an actual felt sense. I am beginning to wonder as I write this if the answer is that as I have repressed anger at hurt, I have also repressed joy, love etc.
   Also I am beginning to sense that at this age I am not going to "recover" from what ails me, and that I find is a bleak prospect. I was really hoping there would be some magic therapy that would free my positive feelings, that I would feel like a human being instead of a talking head, pretending to have emotions.

Oh well, I will take one breath at a time...
Thanks for being here....
Red

Hi all, I was asked to give a description of my SE experience, so here goes.

Very brief background for context, no triggers...I hope

I am a  69 year old male, caregiver to my wife. I was born in the UK to very unhappy parents, my childhood
was a mixture of everything.

Emigrated to Canada in the 70's. Started to realize I had some issues...lol Went through the mill of many talk therapies,
encounter groups...the whole catastrophe as Zorba would say. A couple of years ago was introduced to the  concept of
trauma, read a few books, and was drawn to the style of therapy described by Peter Levine in 'Waking The Tiger'

It took me three attempts to find a therapist that fit: that I could start to learn to trust, that primarily used a somatic style of therapy, and that had the qualifications to practice with complex trauma clients.

The first sessions were about getting to know each other, as I have had many years of 'talk therapy' my story is easy for me to tell, not so much to feel. The initial sessions also were a training in resources for me, self soothing, calming, learning to reach out
when I need to. Slowly as the sessions went on I actually started to trust this person, to develop the beginnings of a friendship.
I had never learned basic attachment behaviors, so this slow start, while frustrating on one level, was a heart opening experience for me, I will always be grateful for the skill and caring that the therapist demonstrated in those initial months.

In SE as I see it, it is not the description of the trauma that is the most important thing, but the actual body feeling, the felt sense, that is important. The sessions are always different, depending on what is happening in the body/mind. The gentle dipping in and out of the feeling that is uncomfortable allows me to process and clear the trauma, one little bit at a time, without reliving any of the actual events. I never leave a session feeling uncared for as a client and as a friend, a truly remarkable therapy.

The sessions now are mostly a little shared talk to see where I am at at the start of the session then some gentle hands on touch on the therapy table.
At present we are working on  basic attachment and feeling supported, physically and emotionally. Encouraging the ability to ask for support, which has always been a huge issue for me.

When I started this therapy I was hoping for a quick fix, after all I had talked out and felt my 'stuff' for over 30 years...
What I have learned in the last year is that complex trauma can take a long time to heal. All my talking did nothing compared to the last 12 months of body centered SE. I am still working on feeling my feelings in my body and not just in my head, each day brings its challenges, SE is teaching me to to have the resilience, skills and relationships that I have longed for all my life.

I hope this has been a useful description of my SE therapy experience so far....

Redwing

Hi there...
Sure I will make some notes and post in the next few days...
I understand re talk therapy...I found it easy to hide in my head, thought it was because I am an "introvert" etc....
Anyway, will post soon....

All the best,
Redwing

Thanks for the reply...
I have been in and out of therapy since my early 30's, meditating since my 20's, my wife calls me a serious seeker, I replied I just want to find peace...lol
When I discovered "The Body Keeps Score" a couple of years ago I thought at last! the answer... it was the beginning of this wonderful, painful, beautiful journey of rebirth.
The caregiving certainly is a challenge, my wonderful SE therapist really helps me to see how I can lessen my load...I am just starting my second year of therapy....had some despair after the last session, some time being numb hurts...:-)
Thanks again....
Redwing

I am so glad I found this site, it has been a lonely time crashing around in various therapies and then discovering a few years ago that what ails me is trauma....I am not crazy...:-)

I am 69 years old this year, I caregive to my wife and now to my self....I am at month 12 of Somatic Experiencing therapy, the relief of not having to relive the past is wonderful. However, there is no quick fix and its hard balancing caregiving and working on healing. Sometimes I feel like quitting, but the options are not good, are they...

I look forward to being part of this community...

Redwing

Thanks I needed this...
I have one confusion, today anyway, is this the book you folks are talking about?
"Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma"

or is there another one I am not finding??

Thanks for being here...
Redwing