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It happened outside of home to my son beginning age 10. Years later he thinks it is his fault and that he will be in trouble equally with the perpetrator because of his minor role in what happened. Anyone as young as you especially cannot be responsible or in trouble. But I am told that sort of feeling takes the longest to extinguish. Hang in there. What you feel is normal to feel and will pass. Forgive that little girl. She had no power or real understanding.

Thanks. I like the grounding techniques list very much. I will start experimenting. We try to help him choose now rather than say "do this". (Based on great advice from this site).

My own therapist (we carers need these too) liked the idea of helping him narrowing down the worries if possible to a bite size one or two, but that is very hard when in a state.

We had his therapy today and he chose to cover some awful event ground + that feeling he will be in trouble if the perp is not dealt with. it kicked him off so much when we got home that he needed heavy medication and colouring + lots of praise and positive outlook. I just need a cry, but it won't come so instead I came here and found your caring words

I am sorry. I am sure you will get through this, but it is seems like it is so raw right now. This question is what brought me here today. My son 16 is having sleeping and waking nightmares. The daytime ones tend to happen most towards the end of the day. He said yesterday he thought he was now partly insane. He is not, but has depression and going through a very rough patch. Serious sexual and life threatening physical abuse swirling around his head with an overlay of crap normal adolescence experiences.

We struggle to know how to help break the loop. One idea is helping him sort out then pick one thing to worry about vs a mass of around 12 constant themes.

Often there seems to be a present day terror linked up with a past one so maybe there are two at the root of each episode?

Do you mind me probing if you face a jumble of fears or is it one thing? Do you or this community have ideas to try in either case to break the chain or does it just have to be waited out?

We would love feedback on what can be tried to help get him out of the swirl.

Radical and Three Roses, I am so grateful for your considered replies. S is male, 16 with some language processing difficulty though sharp within, so has learnt to be a bit passive. -Letting others speak for him when stuck. (We are working on this too ).

He is constantly reliving life threatening fear (with body memory) and has mild depression. The fear frequently freezes him but he sometimes plays it up a bit for mom and dad (normal kid behavior if it was not at such exaggerated levels). There is a cycle to this we are trying to break, though the ptsd is very real.

"You say they are comfortable in their stuckness.  Is this because others are doing too much, or because they seem to be enjoying some kind of escapism or is it more about lack of confidence and intense fear, all of the above?"
-> it is all of the above

Both of you advocate his coming up with a plan any plan at first and taking first steps of independence. Joining a group, though, this is very hard right now because of such a loss of voice. Almost literally as part of the body memory when having flashbacks.

I need to read this all more carefully, but it is very helpful. One question though is what made it happen for you? Did someone have influence, were you just fed up, was it part of therapy , etc?

Thanks again

Please can some of you share stories of taking ownership of your recovery? Can a caring outsider help turn up the pressure to do so or is that counterproductive?
I have been fighting for 5 years to help my child recover from PTSD following horrific abuse suffered away from home. Even their renowned therapist is stepping back a little to find their strategy forward. Child S is much closer to adulthood and while we are still exploring medication and therapy aids to reduce anxiety, it feels more and more clear that they are comfortable in the stuckiness and afraid of life beyond. We try to instil in S the plan of 1) look after your body anxiety first 2) talk yourself into the present 3) find something to do that lives in the present. But something I feel is missing from this. My wife was broken down in grief and despair last night over the seeming helplessness of getting through. I am forcing myself to keep hope and faith.

I found the thread on recovery motivation helpful (21317). while it did not directly address this it gave me confidence in the wisdom of this group.

Many thanks,
Atticus

I am a carer and my child apologizes constantly. Likewise they constantly ask if I or my wife are angry. I think it is their feeling stressed and micro-noticing our stress levels and feeling responsible. They may or may not have caused it, but perhaps the idea of maybe having caused it makes them feel bad. Is it hard for them to accept their impact on others as not their fault -just a side effect of their PTSD? Does any of this resonate? I would love to learn to soothe responses like what you describe.

"Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world" - Desmond Tutu

So often the whole goal is overwhelming and we do nothing or burn ourselves out. -By trying to change too much too soon.

And we forget the power of others.

Thanks both. From the heart is best. Trust an openness resonate with me very much. Trying to protect each other. yes, but not at the absolute expense of the first two.

One reason for writing this is I have been in contact with someone who has helped me understand. -A mature adult abused at the same age as child C. While they in the past they shared a lot of valuable long term insights on a whole life under the cloud of this thing, I never know if I should keep saying what is going on with my own child. I do not want it to get in the way of the other things that we connect on.

I thought this question might help this community:

-What can carers do (or avoid doing) to support you, the sufferers, better?
-How can you, the sufferers, help carers do that?

Thanks for sharing this. You sound like you can be very strong and are learning how to stay safe. Kia Kaha, let fear keep you strong. Your terrible confinement experience has a lot of similarities to what child "S" in my preceding post experienced, but theirs lasted around 6 weeks. Confinement, torture, death threats, sexual abuse, acting out killing scenes. S feels like they will never have a happy life, but I know from others sharing their life experience that they in fact can, though dips may occur at major life stages.

I just read that happiness is not something you can get directly. It comes as a side effect of things which stretch you in positive ways. You have given me some small hope that child S will eventually stretch their life forward as you seem to be doing.

  I am new to this site today. I represent a parent of a child "S" (for special) who has a loving family, but experienced very very bad stuff four years ago by another child "E" (for evil) while away from home. Police were involved and all that, but nothing was done and E is footloose and free, but nowhere near. The purpose of visiting this site is to find tips ans tricks to support S and S's parents.

S had two years of play therapy which made a big difference. However, S entered adolescence (over the past 9 months or so), things deteriorated, and the trauma is back in spades. The antidepressants have just restarted, and therapy will begin soon. -But S is dealing with almost constant flashbacks and needs to somehow hold on until treatment effects begin to kick in. S has language processing difficulties but is perceptive when the bad stuff is not so overwhelming. S is constantly disclosing details to parents and safe people. S has begun to seriously slur speech and is in a bit of a stormy fog.