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Hi there - I'm new so I hope I'm posting correctly. Also, I'm going to talk about violence so if this may trigger you please stop reading now ❤️

I'm wondering if anyone has any stories or experience with cutting ties or healing a relationship with an abusive parent?

My dad is a sexual abuse survivor and had issues with anger and substance abuse. Growing up was like walking through a minefield everyday until I was 17.

When I was 8 I watched him beat my mom so bad she told her friends that she was in a car crash and broke the windshield with her face, one of many violent events. He was very heavy handed with us also and degraded us too, call me fat and spat in my face as a teen. I once peed myself after playing a practical joke on him as kid - I just saw his face change.

I live on the other side of the world from my dad now and still have light contact but have never spoken about the past. I'm at a crossroads where I feel like I either break ties or face him about what actually happened... I'm basically at a stalemate just pretending like the past didn't happen.

Definitely not the only one! On my bad days I don't make it out of bed, don't drink water and even hold my pee sometimes because I'm so anxious about seeing a housemate (even though they are great and totally supportive). Don't jugde yourself, you are not alone. The self judging just makes everything feel worse. I used to avoid my phone entirely too, switch it off but now I message a really good friend that understands and I feel like the simple act of acknowledging that I'm having a sh*t day helps me to come out of the trance, at least a little. Also I do really feel like keeping my room clean helps. If I wake up in a clean room and then make it to the shower... the shower is my exist strategy. I hope this helps and I understand so much how bad it can feel to be in this isolated bubble.

Deb, I do this too with the no water and not getting out of bed!! If I'm not accountable to someone/something I don't get up on my bad days. Weirdly, having my room really clean and tidy (which i struggle with) helps me to get up and face the day with a more positive attitude.

Thank you for the welcomes <3 these comments nearly brought me to tears on my way home from work.

We are not stupid, our brains are just taking in different information to make sure we are safe. Our brain doesn't have time to remember to bring the laptop to work 😂

So sad that you are feeling this too but your message has really helped me today. I'm a new member. After a talk with my sister recently about past abuse I've basically been having nightmares, waking up with nail marks in the palms of my hands, getting frustrated and forgetting simple things - my keys, work tasks etc. It makes me feel really stupid and I definitely shame myself badly for it. This has happened to me before at times of stress, housemates would come home and find my key in the front door or I have to come back to the house three times for forgotten items before eventually being able to leave. I can't offer any advice about how to deal with this emotionally but I have found that technology helps me manage it a little. I use Siri on my phone for notes and reminders and trello for work (an online checklist). Hope this helps a bit x