hey everyone

[starbunny]

I'm very glad I found this place.

All the same, I'm having a hard time introducing myself. I feel like I've hit rock bottom lately, life-wise and mentally. I have what feels like super intense brain fog, and can't communicate as well as I used to anymore. So much static in my head that I can't access most of my thoughts.

I'm in my late 20s, Canadian. I'm autistic and have cptsd. A few summers ago my life changed forever from my dad's suicide (please let me know if I need to add a trigger warning for a mention like that, unsure of the etiquette) and I've been picking up the pieces ever since. In the years since then I've had a lot of traumatic events one after another and I am burnt out and exhausted and feel like a shell of a person. I've experience a lot of trauma specifically from and with my family, who I still live with at the moment (it is very hard to leave, but I know its in my best interest).

The past 6 months have been some of the hardest of my life so far and I've been off work for the last 2  of those. I found this forum after really deciding that I want to be better and feel better. I've known I have cptsd for a few years now but I hadn't made any steps to connect with others who have similar lived experience.

I don't know how active I'll be here yet.. I want to be, but I might just lurk. I have a hard time with my memory lately and I forgot I'd even signed up here last week. Not to mention communication feels so hard right now and very unlike myself. Either way, I'm really glad to be able to meet you all!

[Papa Coco]

Starbunny,

Welcome to the forum. I'm very glad you sought it out and that you found it and that you joined. Thank you for writing the introduction. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad's suicide. My little sister passed away in what I believe was most likely a suicide 16 years ago and I have found it to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to live with. So, I empathize, and I know that what you are going through is no small thing to deal with.

It is very hard to leave home, both logistically and emotionally. I hope you feel comfortable to share here whenever you feel the need. the people on this forum are kind, and have collectively lived through almost anything you can possibly bring in. So, please feel free to share whatever you feel you need or want to share. As little or as much. The guidelines are just there to keep us from becoming political or meanspirited or offensive, but those are just the commonsense rules of kindness.

And about memory, I get that too. That same thing has been happening to me lately too. I met someone last week for the first time. Then, yesterday, I remembered that I'd met her already in November of last year and even had conversations with her. It was such a shock to realize that I'd had that odd lapse in recall. But then I remembered those lapses used to happen to me all the time when I was younger and dealing with my narcissistic family.

Be as active as you want to be. Lurking is okay too.

Welcome.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Starbunny. You may not feel like it is but your intro post was very coherent and captured what you went through and are dealing with quite well.

No worries about maybe just reading for a bit, that's fairly common for new members. It helps if you read post by members who have been here for a while and see how safe and supportive members' replies are to other members. 

You may find that once you do choose to start posting you end up posting a lot at first as what you've buried for a long time comes to the surface. 

It's all fine.

[Cascade]

Hi Starbunny,
Glad to meet you, too!  Thanks for joining us.  I'm so sorry to hear of everything you're going through right now.  We're here to hear anything you'd like to share, whenever you're ready.
  -Cascade

[Little2Nothing]

Starbunny,  welcome!