Exposure therapy

[MoonBeam]

Oh Deep Blue, You are an inspiration in the hard times as much as the victorious! You do deserve praise.

I'm so sorry those things happened to you. I am so sorry. I feel your pain and the great strength it took to survive. And here you are, a sovereign being, reclaiming your life, working through all the hard things, so you can be one with you. The simple fact that you are here now, beautiful and strong--as I know you are, is testament to all you have walked through. You will persevere. Your strength has no bounds.

One piece at a time. That's the safest way through. You are doing great. 

So much respect and appreciation for you. 

[sanmagic7]

db, i don't see anything selfish about wishing something bad didn't happen to you.   of course! we all wish this stuff hadn't happened to any of us!  it's too terrible and horrible to contemplate.

you deserve praise as much as anyone.  expression of approval, commendation, a compliment - that's what the dictionary says.  folks are telling you that they commend what you are doing, what you're going thru in order to heal from the horrors of your past.  there are so many who don't, for whatever reason.  those of us who do are admired by the rest of us because we know what it takes, and what it takes out of us, to face this beast head-on.   

your strength, your warrior spirit, your shining courage are all showing as you continue on this very rough road.  you are to be praised for keeping on with this, as painful and awful as it might be at the time.  you are getting thru it, showing a beautiful example of what can be done by an undaunted human spirit.  you truly are an inspiration for the rest of us.  thank you so much.  love you, friend.  sending a hug filled with all the praise it can carry 

[Deep Blue]

Feeling nervous already today. We supposed to tackle some exposure with my trauma of being tied up.

I don't want to... I don't want to... I don't want to...

I was hoping that there would not be suitable images or videos to show me today.  I'm still hoping that....

I'm just scared 😨  and could use some comfort please.  What if I crash and burn tonight? What if it is too hard? What if I dissociate again?

Barf

[Snookiebookie2]

I can totally understand how you're feeling 

Sending you a hug 

I hope get through it all right.  Perhaps you could explain how you feel - which is totally understandable.  Hopefully you'll be made to feel safe and guided through the process.

[Snowdrop]

I have so much respect for you for going to exposure therapy and facing these things. I'd be terrified, and I don't know if I could do it. But you can and you have.

I've just re-read your post from September 29th on this thread, and it's remarkable. You faced an unexpected trigger, and you were ok. That's huge progress.

I understand your nervousness and fear, but you're not alone. You're in safe hands with the therapist, you're strong, and we're all standing with you in solidarity.

[Three Roses]

You are stronger than you know. You've been through stuff that might have literally destroyed anyone else. We all have. We should never forget that. We are here, we are strong, and we are courageous.

You're a wonderful human, Deep Blue.   

[Deep Blue]

Sat outside... didn't want to go in today.

Then.... we didn't. No exposure happened. I wasted a whole session and feel empty inside.

Maybe I'm irreparably broken? Maybe I'm spinning my wheels? Maybe I'm a waste of space. 

[Blueberry]

Dear Deep Blue,

Not going in is legitimate! It's not a waste!

You are certainly not a waste of space!   

[Aphotic]

Sat outside... didn't want to go in today.

Then.... we didn't. No exposure happened. I wasted a whole session and feel empty inside.

Maybe I'm irreparably broken? Maybe I'm spinning my wheels? Maybe I'm a waste of space. 

Hey Deep Blue, I don't think you're irreparable. Things take time... and that's okay. You'll get another chance, everyone does. You still have many opportunities. Just do whatever is comfortable for you. Only you know when you're ready.

[Snowdrop]

Maybe I'm irreparably broken? Maybe I'm spinning my wheels? Maybe I'm a waste of space.

You're none of these things. It just wasn't right for you today.

[Not Alone]

You weren't ready today. That is okay. You are NOT a waste of space. You are precious.

[Jazzy]

I agree with the others. There is a lot of future ahead. Give it time, it will work out when you are ready.

[Deep Blue]

Thanks you guys.
Read and reread what everyone wrote and it helped a lot. 

Three Roses thanks for what you wrote.
You are right. We have survived things that literally may have destroyed other people.  It helps so much to hear it.

I did something last night that I NEVER do. I opened up to someone in person. I went out with a friend, and told her I was  in therapy for trauma. I told her I have cptsd... told her I struggle with SH.  I just plain don't do that. I DO NOT tell ANYONE about my trauma EVER. It felt scary...

Last night I slept through the night without nightmares.  Maybe there is something to opening up to people?  Just maybe...

[Three Roses]

Wow, that's awesome! Opening up to receptive, supportive people can truly be validating and healing, I think. Makes us feel less alone. It's important to feel heard, and while we can get that here, I think face to face is important too. Great job, you!

[Snowdrop]

Well done for telling your friend.