Hi , I'm Sophie and I am new here. I've recently been diagnosed with C-ptsd after a lifetime as the family scapegoat. I left my narcissistic mother and the rest of the family over a year ago and went no contact.
Recently everything is worsening. It's like each day there is a new layer to the * that is my life.
I'm on holiday at the moment in Italy and to be honest I think I have hit crisis point.
I feel as though all the tears I never let myself cry as a child are coming now. I feel so hopeless and withdrawn from humanity that I feel like everyone looks at me and can see I am broken. It's hit me this week just how very alone in this world I am, how little I have to live for and how much I desperately want to just stop this pain.
I am 26 years old, a nurse who no longer feels any good at her job. I am in a relationship but things are very rocky for us at the moment and I don't feel as though I can turn to him. I haven't touched, kissed or cuddled any of my loved ones in over a year. I have isolated myself to the point I don't have anyone I feel I can call on.
I am probably making no sense anymore and haven't even explained what my situation even is but basically in summary
I feel so alone that it feels like it's a physical sensation.
I cannot cope in social situations and being around people who expect you to "get on with it"
I keep having flashbacks that I can't seem to snap out of
My mind is over run with this horrible commentary on how terrible my whole life is and what a horrible, fat, worthless person I am.
I feel as though this suicidal ideation I have struggled with is turning into something more sinister.
And worst of all, the thing that has brought all of this to a head is I am currently in Italy without my pets (who tend to be my only comfort in life) playing happy families with my partners sister and her family. I feel like screaming and even when i say I'm having a bad day, i can't cope to my partner he just doesn't recognise that every day is a bad day and for me to actually come out and say it I am on the verge of meltdown. He just expects you to be able to carry on. I cant.
Sorry for novel
Please help me find a way to get through this
S x
Recently everything is worsening. It's like each day there is a new layer to the * that is my life.
I'm on holiday at the moment in Italy and to be honest I think I have hit crisis point.
I feel as though all the tears I never let myself cry as a child are coming now. I feel so hopeless and withdrawn from humanity that I feel like everyone looks at me and can see I am broken. It's hit me this week just how very alone in this world I am, how little I have to live for and how much I desperately want to just stop this pain.
I am 26 years old, a nurse who no longer feels any good at her job. I am in a relationship but things are very rocky for us at the moment and I don't feel as though I can turn to him. I haven't touched, kissed or cuddled any of my loved ones in over a year. I have isolated myself to the point I don't have anyone I feel I can call on.
I am probably making no sense anymore and haven't even explained what my situation even is but basically in summary
I feel so alone that it feels like it's a physical sensation.
I cannot cope in social situations and being around people who expect you to "get on with it"
I keep having flashbacks that I can't seem to snap out of
My mind is over run with this horrible commentary on how terrible my whole life is and what a horrible, fat, worthless person I am.
I feel as though this suicidal ideation I have struggled with is turning into something more sinister.
And worst of all, the thing that has brought all of this to a head is I am currently in Italy without my pets (who tend to be my only comfort in life) playing happy families with my partners sister and her family. I feel like screaming and even when i say I'm having a bad day, i can't cope to my partner he just doesn't recognise that every day is a bad day and for me to actually come out and say it I am on the verge of meltdown. He just expects you to be able to carry on. I cant.
Sorry for novel
Please help me find a way to get through this
S x