Discovery Journal

[Tee]

Yeah I get headaches too, I get killer migraines not from not eating but I guess that might trigger then at times.  Hugs I hope you take care of yourself.  I don't generally buy junk food for two reasons one when I do it usually is gone when I want it because my H or kids have eaten it.  Before I remember to eat it.  And two I try to have healthy things in the house for them to eat.    so I just have to remember to eat.  Hope you have a great weekend take care of yourself!

[sanmagic7]

good for you, 3r, for naming those 2 areas.  i find i do that kind of thing in a similar manner - i may be aware on some level for quite some time, but then comes a point where it sticks in my consciousness, and it's like i can finally grab hold of it and, as you said, 'name' it.  it's an interesting dynamic to me, and thanks for giving it credence.  it helped me make sense of what i do.   

congrats on finding a home for your chickens.   

you have really been moving forward, lately - at least it seems so to me.  i remember when you were quite reticent about sharing anything personal.  you don't seem near that anymore.  i give you a lot of credit for persevering.  you're showing a lot of determination and dedication to your own health and well-being.     at least, that's how i see it.

interesting connection between your headaches and lack of food. 

i hope the upcoming visit goes well.  sending love and a hug filled w/ continuing clarity.   

[Three Roses]

Love and hugs back to you all

[Blueberry]

good for you, 3r, for naming those 2 areas.  .. ..
you have really been moving forward, lately - at least it seems so to me.  i remember when you were quite reticent about sharing anything personal.  you don't seem near that anymore. 

     

Sorry you're with me not just in eating disorder but also sh   Naming them is part of accepting them and moving towards healing imho.  

[Three Roses]

Naming them is part of accepting them and moving towards healing imho.  

I agree. I'm very, very accomplished at not being honest with myself. Honesty with others is important to me but it seems being honest with myself is very threatening. Time to correct that.

Thanks to everyone for your support. 

[Tee]

 

[Three Roses]

Please no response to this. this post is just meant as Reminder to myself.

Hit a rough spot. Am I causing these arguments or is my denial just disappearing about my husband's behavior. Asked my pcp for a referral to a psychiatrist.

[Three Roses]

Reading several journals, I see I'm not the only one triggered recently. I'm sorry that I just don't have it in me to respond to each of you. I'm feeling angry that we have been abused, violated, damaged by others and that now WE are the ones stuck here having to deal with all this #$@%!

Got called selfish and lazy yesterday by H, after I tried to tell him I was in an EF from something he did. Probably best to go back to keeping myself to myself. I don't know how to communicate when I'm triggered. Or any other time, is how I feel right now. Feeling very weepy and misunderstood. When will this be over, I'm so freaking done with this.

[Tee]

  I'm sorry not for fault here for you sending a compassionate understanding hug.

[Three Roses]

Thanks, Tee. 

[sanmagic7]

  sweetie.  looking at things realistically, well, i can totally relate to the difficulty of that at times.  just letting you know you're not alone.  it feels very shameful to me that i've done that, still do it at times, altho it's getting better.  standing w/ you on this, 3r.  it sucks, all of it.   

sending much love and support while you get thru the muck.   

[Not Alone]

Yep, it (c-PTSD, dealing with abuse) stinks! 

[Elphanigh]

It really does just suck sometimes. Know that we are all here for you TR  Communicating is so hard on a normal basis, let alone in an EF. Remember to be kind to yourself as you work through it. Maybe a trip to the porch would help? Does EMS help you, I know she is always such a calming visualization for me. Her warm skirts just holding me in until I am more ready to face the world. 

[MoonBeam]

Standing with you Three Roses.  Wanted to say, it seems like maybe H is putting some of his stuff on you in the moment and not communicating well. Those aren't  kind things to say, n'or true. You just take care of you right now and know the truth is that you are dealing with some super heavy things, and that is exhausting--no joke, no questions. We understand and stand with you. This will pass.

Also, I texted to my T when I was in the super bad trigger/EF Tuesday eve "this sucks." I'm feeling it too.  I think getting a little angry is a healthy thing atm.

Hang in 

[Three Roses]

Thanks everyone. 

I think getting a little angry is a healthy thing atm.

Hang in 

Thanks

H came in to our room where I was trying to handle my EF and asked what I was doing, so I said, crying, "trying to handle this EF from when you xyz'd. I know you were kidding but it really triggered me." I thought I was being honest instead of hiding my emotions, like weed agreed on. Idk if I'll try that again lol.

I've got an appointment with a psychiatrist finally, beginning of next month.