Just need to whine a little today

[Rainagain]

Having a few troubles and wanted to write them down, probably not relevant to anyone else, feel free to ignore.

Feeling rough due to new meds, pulled what I am pretty sure was a tiny piece of my jaw out of my mouth yesterday, had a molar extracted due to abscess a month ago and it doesn't seem to be healing well, think the meds are to blame as a side effect is infection. The tooth came out in one piece but I think the jaw might have been damaged in the process.

Had a chap act belligerently toward me and a few other people yesterday, he was just being an idiot but it triggered me into feeling violent, I left but part of me wanted to escalate the situation and nullify the threat. Everyone else just dismissed him but I couldn't ignore the potential threat and it upset me.

Its not good that people think they can act like that, people like me don't want trouble, I am afraid if I can't leave I could badly over react and cause serious harm.

Came under verbal attack from girlfriend today, mostly over my forgetfulness and lack of concentration, made me feel really sad that I'm a bit rubbish at keeping things together. Also felt hurt because I do try. Also felt sorry for her, her requirements aren't unreasonable but not easy for me to meet. She knows my issues but wants me to be different to the way my issues have made me.

Some days I just find everything a bit too much.

I feel quite sorry for myself today.

Hard to focus on the needs of others when you feel bad about yourself, the meds are making you feel Ill and there is a small but sharp piece of jaw bone cutting the side of your tongue that you can't dislodge.....

I try not to do self pity but some days its hard to be strong. I am not very resilient, a few setbacks and I'm a wreck.

[Three Roses]

I'm sorry to hear this, Rain. I don't think you're whining. It's good to get this stuff of your chest.

A  if you want it.

[Rainagain]

Thank you!
I felt a bit better just by posting how I'm feeling, some days are harder than others.

[sanmagic7]

some days are indeed harder than others, rain.  i'm glad you got some relief by posting here.  i don't think it's whining, either, altho i've felt like that myself several times.  it does feel so good just to get it out, tho. 

sending you a warm, comforting hug.

[helliepig]

It's ok to write this!

Sometimes it gets too much, not just the big journey of trying to heal, but living with the daily stuff that is made harder by having issues - and then the frustration and pain at seeing yourself still (or yet) not being who you want to be with it all

[Rainagain]

Now having trouble over the one sided row with my gf.

This is the third or fourth time she has become angry with me, stomping about, banging cupboards etc.

I've previously said that she should tell me immediately if I've forgotten to do something she needed but she sort of used that against me.

'You told me to tell you so here goes' and then talks about stuff weeks old I can't remember.

Afterwards she feels bad and says its pmt but I'm left very cautious and trust is damaged.

Not sure what the future holds, as these rages happen without warning I'm getting a bit unhappy and not sure I will be OK with the next one.

Like my earlier post I just needed to write this, its on my mind a lot right now.

[Three Roses]

Do you think she also could have CPTSD? When someone brings up something weeks old, it may be because she never felt it was resolved. Or, she could be berating you unnecessarily.

Hope you sort this out to both your satisfaction.

[Rainagain]

I'm not sure what the cause is, she has issues from her ex who was a drunk.

Seems like she needs to fly off the handle every now and then and let out all the poison. Then tries to patch it up by being extra nice to me.

Shreds my nerves to be honest.

[sanmagic7]

is couples counseling an option?  maybe the two of you could get at some of the root causes of this stuff.  those kinds of blowups would shred my nerves, too.

[Rainagain]

I think the problem is that I am not actually fully in the present, not totally aware of the moment.
Not quite as bad as being a sleep walker but a lot of my awareness is busy within my head.
Hard to explain and must be hard to be around someone who is often zoned out like I am.
Maybe I need a bit of a shock now and then to focus my attention on reality.
In my current state I could lose most of the rest of my life by being preoccupied with things that aren't real.
I don't mean delusions or hallucinations, just energy going on things which don't get me anywhere.
Must try to get a grip on things.