Remembering names...

[meursault]

Hi all,

I was just thinking about something, and it seems kind of "well, duh!" now that it's occurred to me.  I'm terrible with people's names.  Like, I'll be introduced and shake hands, and I literally have NO IDEA what their name is ten seconds later.  I've noticed I feel a surge of panic during the introduction, but just always thought I was kind of awful and selfish for my lack of consideration.  I just realized that I am having momentary dissociation going on.  And when I think about the sensations now, that level of dissociation, just sort of a numbing, disconnected from the physical world, and an empty, thought-free mind, is pretty standard for me in multiple mundane situations. 

A few months ago, I had mentioned that a lot of my female friends hug me as greetings/good-byes, and how I just "go away" when that happens.  She suggested being mindful, and asking them to give me a moment to collect myself to try and remain present before the hug.  So, now I sometimes ask for that.

I think I ought to start practising the same mindfulness during handshakes and introductions.  Just thought I'd mention this in case anyone else can identify.

Meursault

[movementforthebetter]

I am not very good with names myself. I really like your idea of practicing mindfullness during introductions. I make a habit of repeating the person's name back to them to help reinforce it but I find that writing it down works best for me. I am also very careful to try and use full first names and correct spellings and accents.

My own name is very unusual so is constantly spelled wrong and frequently forgotten.

[Alice97]

meursault - Thanks for posting this. For a long time I've struggled with remembering names as well, and I guess I never really realized it's because I detached and dissociate immediately when I'm being introduced to someone. I will definitely be trying to stay more mindful in the future!

[Dutch Uncle]

Remembering names is difficult for most people. cPTSD or not.

For me the good way to deal with it is just saying the next time we meet: "Sorry, I forgot your name." It's surprising that more often than not the reply is: "I forgot yours too."

[movementforthebetter]

Dutch Uncle has the right idea! When all else fails saying just that works wonders. Any embarrasment I feel is usually dealt with and disolved when I just own that I forgot the other person's name.

[meursault]

Sometimes I'm comfortable doing that, and that's generally the way it goes!  I think I could take two lessons out of that:  1) I'm not being so heavily scrutinized that I'm that memorable and 2) People are more forgiving of my mistakes than I expect.

Meursault

[TakingFlight]

I've been noticing fairly recently that I am often dissociated, or "running on auto-pilot" much of the time when I am around other people. It is noticeable with the whole forgetting names thing, which I do even if I know the person well, and I definitely know their name but I am too dissociated to be able to "reach" their name. I've done this with good friends, family members etc...it's not really that I've forgotten their name at all, it's just like their name is stored in a different part of my brain in that moment, and I'm too much dissociated or in flight/fight/freeze mode to be able to access the part of my brain that holds that information.

I also "check out" when being hugged, and that's a good reminder to be more mindful and try to get used to hugs or talking with people who I know are safe. I think I'll look into some ways to be more mindful as I go about my day.