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Hi!
I am trying to go with the "higher power" thing, though the depression in me consider life to be pointless and hope that there is no afterlife so that I don't have to live again when I die.
To believe in something higher is to believe in a meaning that I don't fully understand because I'm merely human but even though I used to be quite spiritual I find myself detaching from that part of me.

It's kind of sad really but even though most people around me are atheists my mother has always been spiritual and brought a lot of magical thinking and escaping responsibility to the table.
I think she felt that most things in life are driven by forces beyond our control but if you have magic and buy the right stuff then the stars might align in our favour (until the satisfaction of placebo wears off).

I just went through Pia Mellodys youtube clips about codependence and boundaries and realized I do have a problem with boundaries still.
When I feel bad enough it's like I can't contain my attraction towards someone else and thereby I disappoint myself.
Somewhere in me there is a sensitive me that doesn't trust the one I am now, therefore I am not able to feel all of my true feelings.
They will be kept hidden until I learn how to make sensible decisions for myself that doesn't involve throwing myself out there in to the next feeling that shows up.
I think I would call that sort of behaviour self abuse, to just let go and not care where you "wake up" as long as you can forget who you are for a moment. It reminds me of the way a drug addict wanders through life from one fix to the next.

Hi everyone!

Just throwing it out there: Is it common for people with CPTSD to have a mild form of sex/love-addiction?
I am saying a "mild" form since real addiction means that you need more and more to get your "fix" and I don't really experience that. Though I know I have fallen in love easily many times and used to do so during my childhood so that I could indulge myself in fantasies of being loved and express my own feelings of needing and sharing love.

The fact that my mother used to have a lot of short term relationships probably didn't help.
I was very jealous of her boyfriends since they seemed to steal the little amount of love and time that I needed so badly.
Today I hardly ever get jealous, you'd have to go really far in order to make me feel that way.

Somehow the most intimate feelings are the strongest when I feel lonely but they tend to withdraw when I'm in a relationship.
I feel like I can truly let go when I am with someone new both physically and emotionally but when things start to get serious I tend to withdraw.
Though I can somewhat understand why since most guys I've dated have been emotionally crippled just like me.

I recently came out of a relationship with a person who turned out to be a liar and emotional manipulator, so now I feel really vulnerable. I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I feel and find myself experiencing feelings that wants to drive me into the next persons arms so that I won't feel so desperately lonely.


Please help!
Am I the only one experiencing this?

What do I do?

I try my best to comfort myself but I feel like it's not enough.
I have tried to reach out for therapy but where I live you need to be really, really sick to get treatment and I find myself getting passed on to CBT-therapists who then tell me that my problems are too big to benefit from CBT.

I hate the fact that my most precious feelings seems to be driven forward by anxiety and pain, how to I change?

I see
I think I'd rather focus on the things I'd like to develop.

I have a clear and focused mind
I feel calm and curious about life
I will remain calm even if people around me aren't.
I take care of myself, I eat enough and stay positive...

Gosh.. so many emotions going on right now!

I think it's hard to not be affected at all by other people unless you turn in to a stone with no feelings.
I guess that's why NC is always the best advice if we want to remain healthy but still sensitive and open for connection with others.

Hi everyone!

I got the idea from the spartan life coach to do positive affirmations though I find it hard to get the words right.
The advice was to appeal to your emotions in the present by writing: "I feel.."
But because we have that inner critic who will protest it would be a good idea to kind of twist the words like a politician, maybe write: "I aim to feel XX in the near future in order to stay calm and assertive"

And when the affirmation is written one can repeat the words whilst inducing oneself in a trance like state such as meditation.

I think that's what he said anyway, he was talking about a lot of other things as well so it was a bit unclear to me.
Now English is not my primary language but he suggested that we could write the affirmation in another language that we know and maybe say the words with different funny voices since humour will help the message to sink in.

So I wonder if you have any good suggestions on what to write?

I don't think that you are overreacting at all, as you said they seem to be ignoring the child's basic need for sleep for selfish reasons.

But at the same time I don't think that there is much you can do about it except trying to meet up with them early in the day.

So true.
I find that distracting myself can help a bit so I am literally cleaning out my closet right now

Also I smoke too much.. hence my nick.

I am missing a douche myself right now.
We had some good times and that can't be ignored, it's just that he was a Douche and that is a dealbreaker and it sucks.
Life is hard when you are trying to stay true to yourself

Thank you so much Dutch Uncle for your answer!
It feels good that you understand what I'm talking about.

Maybe I should tell you that I have been a member here since before but forgot my password and was unable to have another one sent to my email. My name was Bimsy back then.

I know about gaslighting but didn't think of it that way, when I saw the movie "Gaslights" I thought that gaslighting is only something that someone does to confuse you so that you don't question them.
This person actively lied to get sympathy and his body language and emotions seemed consistent with the things he told me even though he was a pretty bad liar at times.
But I guess it can all be a part of the smoke and mirrors that is gaslighting.. I think I'll read a bit more about it again to see what I feel.
It's always hard to understand how someone can act this way but that is probably because I am comparing him to normal people and not emphatically damaged people.

Hi everyone!

I've just come out of a 2yo relationship with a person who was very special to me.
We had an open relationship although we never talked about us in form of "lovers/partners", we always told everyone that we were friends because the focus on our relationship was our strong friendship.
We would see each other almost everyday and do almost everything together, we even made plans about sharing a two bedroom flat.

Throughout our relationship I've sometimes been suspicious of him and feeling like he was lying to me or betraying me.
Eventually I got over those thoughts and we worked through it.

Now I recently found out that my suspicions was right, he is a compulsive liar and have been lying to me about almost everything.
From small everyday things like sports he used to do to really traumatic events in his life that he have been talking about repeatedly and even crying about.
It turns out he made everything up just to make me feel a certain way which makes me feel so used.

I'd like to read stories that are similar to mine or talk to people who have gone through the same things but it's hard to find any information.
This guy has already apologized to my friends whom he sometimes spend time with since he has no other friends and they don't really care since they don't know him that well.
In my case I knew I had to distance myself from him lest my codependence would get the better of me.

It's hard for me to get angry about this as I have so much in my life that I should be angry about anyway but.. I just can't deal with that emotion because I'd just get frustrated.
Instead I think a lot about how horrible it must be to be him and feel like you have to lie and create a new persona in order to fit in with someone.
But on the other hand I feel like what he did is not ok and that I am not a person he can use like that.

I just really need to talk to someone about this who understands what it's like to feel betrayed yet again.
I have already chosen to not speak or visit him anymore but I know that I will eventually bump in to him since we live in a small town and he still hangs out with my friends.

Sometimes I get so anxious that I don't feel like living anymore.
I've made contact with the psychiatric hospital in my area but help seems so far away.
Right now I feel pretty ok but this morning was horrible.

If you wonder about him I know for sure that he has severe ADHD and have been taking prescription pills for it.
He was about to go down to a smaller dose since he felt so good without his pills (with doctors approval) but after the break up he is back to being irrational and impulsive.
I told him that only therapy can help him but I doubt that he will go to therapy, I think he'll just try and create a new life where he can cling to the illusion of himself that he created with me since he has no clue of who he really is.