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Since going NC with two members of my family, I have thought about specific instances of trauma several times as justification.  I wonder if writing those examples down will be helpful.  Maybe it is the result of having cptsd, but my own recollection of events is weak.  And like much of family trauma, it was hidden -- harsh words spoken to me alone or being the sole witness of inappropriate behavior.   My siblings and I have never really talked about it, and only one of them agrees that we were traumatized. 

Has anyone else journaled their trauma to bring it into focus or to serve as a written reminder that the behavior was not normal?

This post is about anger and coping with this emotion I usually avoid.  I recently went NC with an emotionally abusive mother and sister, which I feel somewhat conflicted about.  But whenever I think about being in contact particularly with mom, I seethe with anger.  I think about sarcastic things I would say or do.  Instead of trying to be the good daughter, as I've been all my life, I would probably avoid or glare or be rude.  I would love to tell her to go to * but of course that wouldn't solve anything.

Experiencing and releasing anger is tough for survivors of cptsd.  Anyone else have this experience?

For the first time, I recently told my PD mother that I needed to heal from her emotional abuse.  I had never used that term with her although I know my sister accused her of the same a few years ago. I guess my question is, is it fair to make an accusation, as opposed to using "I" statements?

Examples of said abuse (trigger warning!):
--Blaming me and my siblings for my father abandoning the family. She specifically told me "He said you would always give me trouble"
--Before the split, asking me to describe my father's girlfriend, who I had seen from afar holding hands with my father.  She didn't protect me from it-- she pumped me for information
--Years after the split, exposing us to a string of inappropriate boyfriends, making out with one in front of me, being scantily clad with others with door open, telling me one of them admired my breasts (I was a teen)
--Telling me to "* off" when I had the temerity to roll my eyes at her
--Saying "you're acting like I traumatized you" after a verbal attack that left me in tears
--When I was an adult, she brought another inappropriate boyfriend to my job to confront me because he felt like I snubbed him

And that's just a sampling!

I know that this is all emotional abuse, and it continues, but since it has never been said out loud, I feel like it's unfair to say it -- to accuse her of it.  Does that make sense?

Hi,

I just recently joined OOTS after NCing my mother and oldest sister.  I apologize now for the longish post, but I'm curious how people communicate NC and also how they cope in the aftermath.

Long story short:  After my mother visited my new home for two days recently, which was uncomfortable but bearable, I learned from my middle sister (one who has long protected me) that mom and older sister had been gossiping about the visit, and smearing my husband/our parenting.  This happened a couple of years ago -- has been going on for years -- and when I confronted it then, I got an apology from my mother.  But now that it has recurred, I called my mom to confront her. She denied it and hung up on me, before she proceeded to call the middle sister to tell her off (for telling me the truth). 

Bizarrely, my mother later emailed my middle sister, copying me, and talking about me in the third person, suggesting she would honor my wishes and she had never said an ill thing about any of her children in 50 years (a lie).  She tried to throw the oldest sister under the bus by suggesting something was wrong with her (!). That's when I replied with my NC email and an explanation of why.

Since then, I have felt guilty about how this affects the other two siblings, and will affect future family gatherings.  BUT I'm a bit proud of myself for recognizing the denial/gaslighting and calling it out.

Question: should I also call/email my brother (not involved in this but likely to defend his mother) to explain my decision?  Should I send a letter to the older sister since I have not spoken to her directly about this?  As far as I'm concerned, if I don't see either my mother or older sister for a year or more, it would not be too soon! 

Also, I have noticed that since this happened, I'm having physical symptoms:  coughing, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, headache.  This is hard. 

Any thoughts are appreciated. 

Hi. I was searching complex ptsd, which I was diagnosed with years ago, when I found this website. I had read OOF years ago and found it helpful, but mainly in understanding the PDs within my family, not in understanding how to deal with them.  Peter Walker's website also included information -- a description of a patient's symptoms -- that I recognized immediately.

I went NC with my mother and older sister very recently after finding out about some malicious gossip that had been spread about my nuclear family (husband,kids). It feels weird but the only way I could say "enough".  I had also gotten depressed and foggy after my mother visited, and her presence reminded me of so many things I have long hated about being around her.  It took me hours to feel normal again.

Thanks for existing!  It's difficult to feel like anyone but a therapist or group therapy can recognize what having an emotionally abusive family is like. The abuse is often hidden, so when it is called out, it's easy for the PDed person to deny.  But I do believe in our guts, we know when something is not right.  I may lurk for a while, or post about going NC. Nice to meet you.