I read on OOTF about abusers moving the goal posts. For a long time I didn't know what that meant. Despite examples, I couldn't think what that could mean in my life. Till something resurfaced yesterday. As a young adult I told B1 some of the verbal abuse he'd poured all over me in earlier years, and he said "You should've told me then! You should've told me to stick my opinion." You should've done this, you should've done that... Seemingly not having a clue even in hindsight that he would have parried any remark or defence of mine with something else, always making me out to be the one with the problem because I didn't come up with the solution he's coming up with now. And that I undoubtedly had told him then.
What you're telling makes me so angry. It's not your fault, it is HIS fault. It doesn't matter if you did nothing, he shouldn't have done what he did in the first place.
It speaks volumes about the other person when they are so busy trying to blame someone else that they don't even listen to them. Or they are so busy trying to defend or explain themselves. My sister is a lot like this. I finally realized that I couldn't have an open relationship, but it is sad.
Big hugs :hug:
Thanks, Dee. Succinct words from you as always. :hug:
You're right BlancaLap, thank you for a show of anger. It's the usual 'blame your own victim' which my FOO is well-versed in.