inner critic - enemy or part of me?

[dalloway]

Hi everyone,

I am in a big dilemma about this thing right now and I would really like to hear your opinions/insights about this.

So I just finished reading Pete Walker´s book on CPTSD - From surviving to thriving and there was this concept of the inner critic. He writes that this bunch of negative thoughts and negative self-talk and self-shaming mechanism is not part of ourselves because it´s projected into us by our parents/caregivers/perpetrators. He also writes that sometimes it is useful to shut it abruptly when we recognize that we have an inner critic attack and just say like NO, SHUT UP and stuff.

BUT

I also think for some reason that every and each part of us belongs to us in some way, like in the internal family system theory, that the critical voice was useful at some point in our lives even though it´s unhelpful right now. So I can´t help but to think that if I was you know harsh or aggressive to that critical voice, it would be to some degree as if I was rude and aggressive and violent towards myself via that part that also belongs to me. And I was raised in a household with constant verbal abuse so maybe it would trigger me into a flashback every time I used that technique.

What do you think?

[Armee]

I agree with your take, very much. I'm being taught when I notice a difficult part to say something like "thanks I'm glad you're here. What do you want me to know" ...etc. Talk to that part as you would a wounded child who is acting out. Find out how it's trying to protect you and the whole system. Thank it for its help, remind that part that you're x years old now and can help that part and all your parts and are a capable adult now and safe. Telling a thought to shut up is a pretty sure way to keep it around but understanding that thought and why it is there and appreciating the intention softens things a lot in my experience.

I think in a lot of this trauma work, your own personal instinct is very important. Not everyone knows what's best for you and some books are a bit old. You know what you need better than anyone. Good job listening to your gut! 

[dalloway]

Yes, that´s the way of looking at this inner voice thing I can relate to more, too. It´s so interesting how much not listening to my gut feelings affects my life, even just by reading a chapter and wanting to ´get it´ and be a good student who understands everything and ignoring in the process my natural feelings about that particular thing.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me