New here

[sensitivesoul]

Hey! I'm new to this forums/website. I'm currently in therapy for C-PTSD (and other things). I'm female and based in London, uk. Was trying to find a face to face support group but ended up here instead.

I find it immensely difficult not knowing anyone who can understand and relate to the struggles I experience every day. I have loads of friends but don't experience the feeling of closeness to others- I never have. It's like I'm behind a sheet of glass- other people can see me and I can see them but there's a barrier and I'm on my own on the other side. Does anyone relate to this? I wouldn't wish my pain on anyone but if there is another person who understands out there and has the time to get in touch, I would be so grateful.

Thanks!

[Dee]

Welcome, I believe you will find a lot of people here who you can identify with, myself included.  I feel that my friends here are my true friends.  The ones who get me and I don't have to pretend I'm something different around.  The ones I can say anything to.

[sensitivesoul]

Hi Dee

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Have you managed to find a face to face support group too? I'd very much like to talk to other people who understand. I'm similar to you in that I hide my sadness from other people- at least I think that's what you were saying? It's so difficult now being an adult when my childhood was fraught with abuse and trauma. It's like my brain doesn't know I've grown up and I wander around the world like a lost little girl. Do you know what I mean?

[Dee]

I do know what you mean.  I have not met anyone face to face.  However, I admit I have a image of ever person here I am close to.  I am so sure I am way off base, but who knows.  IDK, maybe Kizzie has curly hair 

What you are describing sounds to me like your inner child.  I have to remind myself that I am an adult and need to think adult.    I am not going to get in trouble, I don't have to keep secrets, I am not going to be disowned.  I also have to remind myself to be gentle to my inner child, not to abuse her in any way.  Then I let my inner child hold the stuffed animal and I am okay with it.  We get stuck in trauma and that is okay.  I feel like I got stuck at 6, so I try to have compassion.

[Three Roses]

Welcome! I know what you mean about face-to-face, the closest I've come is al anon. Hope you find what you need here. Thanks for joining!

[sensitivesoul]

I do know what you mean.  I have not met anyone face to face.  However, I admit I have a image of ever person here I am close to.  I am so sure I am way off base, but who knows.  IDK, maybe Kizzie has curly hair 

What you are describing sounds to me like your inner child.  I have to remind myself that I am an adult and need to think adult.    I am not going to get in trouble, I don't have to keep secrets, I am not going to be disowned.  I also have to remind myself to be gentle to my inner child, not to abuse her in any way.  Then I let my inner child hold the stuffed animal and I am okay with it.  We get stuck in trauma and that is okay.  I feel like I got stuck at 6, so I try to have compassion.

How interesting- I actually have curly hair lol.

I want to join a face to face group in London but it's not easy finding one specifically for CPTSD. I'm super pleased to have found this forum though.

I don't know if it's my inner child but when I lived alone I felt like an 8 year old who had been abandoned and I was terrified. I didn't have a lot of nurturing growing up- so I guess my brain doesn't know I'm no longer a child. Of course I pretend to be an adult, so no one would suspect, but it's not how I feel on the inside.

Hi to you too Three Roses btw

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi sensitive soul
Yes I relate my last therapist said the relational part of our recovery is often the more difficult to recover .. makes sense hey
There is a 12 step programme called acoa ( adult children of alcoholics and dysfunction families ( not just for alcoholic backgrounds ) I've met people who have cptsd and there is a good recovery and support programme on offer
I'm in the uk too
There is a website if u wanted to look it up

[MarshmallowHeaven]

Hi sensitivesoul

Yes I understand how you feel. I am the same, I always feel on the 'outside', like there is a barrier between me and other people. I personally feel like I am different from others and also find trusting people really difficult.

Having suffered from depression and anxiety since my early teens (I'm mid 30s now) I have only recently come across the term C-PTSD and am convinced I have it. I have suffered emotional abuse from both parents my whole life. I came onto this website to meet others who understand and to get support.

[asyouwish]

Hi sensitivesoul -- I'm new here, too! Just made my first few posts.

I'm in Canada, and haven't been able to find and in-person group, either. I have one lead, but it's PTSD-for-women specific and I'm a bit nervous about going. (You know, 'cause it wasn't just one thing. And was it really that bad? These women have had it so much worse! etc.) This board seems safer.

I totally feel you on the being disconnected from others. My best friend has been really great, but, even though I know she loves me, I don't feel it. Not really. Same with other close friends. And I say I love them, too, but what does that feel like? I don't know.

You compared it to a sheet of glass, I call it my wall. At first, I thought I was just keeping people at arm's length. Now, I know I never developed the ability. (I'm working on it.) I thought it was just a plain wall for a while. Now, I know it's electrified with razor wire. My best friend keeps talking about how she's working hard at chipping at it from the outside, but I have to tear it down from the inside. It's so hard, to feel so fundamentally different from every other person. I just feel so broken.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I can relate. My therapist says it's to be expected after everything I went through, and it's a normal reaction that can be changed over time. But it's the time thing. It takes so long!

[sanmagic7]

hey,

i've been to many support groups in my life, mostly 12-step for addictions, acoa, coda (co-dependency), mothers with addicted children - lots and lots.  i'd hear them share, hear them say that coming to that group was like coming home, but i couldn't ever quite relate, never got that feeling.

until i found this forum.  this felt like coming home.  these people i can relate to, and can feel them 'getting' me, giving me the kind of support, encouragement, and kindness i'd been looking for through all those years of all those groups.

i have eliminated several people who have been in my life, some for many, many years, in the past year.  one of them also suffers from c-ptsd, and i thought she'd 'get' it, but that didn't happen.  one daughter and my estranged hub are the two closest people in my life now.  the can't always understand, but they do support me and love me in a very good way.

i doubt that i will go looking for a face-to-face group anymore.  i'm pretty content with the friends/family i've made here.  they have helped me get through some of the toughest times of my life.  very few people, real or otherwise, have ever done that.  i'm content and satisfied.