How to feel better during one?

[Sesame]

I have had several bad days recently and it often seems to happen when I am all alone because my husband has gone away (business trip). I am suffering from bad social anxiety, feeling everything is awful, expecting the worst and believing anyone smiling/laughing must be laughing at me. I've had things seemingly breaking on me, lots of small accidents where I hurt myself, a hornet almost smacked me straight in the face (some are potentially deadly where I live), several embarassing and awkward social encounters and a very painful doctor's appointment. It was my first mammogram and my uBPDNmum always made sure to make me very, very afraid of the horrific, evil pain that it causes. Due to my fear and the pain (which was not as bad as she claimed), I started sweating and they kept having to try it over and over again. I am so SORE. Didn't help that the receptionist and assistant saw me off and were snickering and whispering to each other as I left.

What can I do to feel better? I'm trying my best not to beat myself up and I feel I am doing a decent job at that, but I still feel rotten.

[Three Roses]

Sorry to hear you're having bad days 

When I get hit with an EF, it helps me to look at the feelings beneath it and try to figure out what the main one is. Writing a comforting letter to my scared IC or visualizing holding her on my lap for a comforting hug helps, too.

Hope things ease up for you soon. 

[Sienna]

Hey Sesame,
Do you know if these feelings and reactions you are having to your husband going away, are how you normally react and feel when this sort of situation happens= someone leaving?

Im not sure whats going on, but it may be a flashback to the abandonment and fear you felt as a child.
For me, being alone is a trigger- oh a huge trigger.
What helped me is - i know its weird- is talking it out with myself by recording what I'm saying on photo booth video on my laptop.
It helps me to cry. and it helps me to get the feelings out and to explain to myself how it feels. Sometimes you can't explain how it feels...as children don't have words always for how they feel, its just a feeling.
Its no cure or miracle fix, but i do feel its a release.

It was my first mammogram and my uBPDNmum always made sure to make me very, very afraid of the horrific, evil pain that it causes. Due to my fear and the pain (which was not as bad as she claimed), I started sweating and they kept having to try it over and over again. I am so SORE. Didn't help that the receptionist and assistant saw me off and were snickering and whispering to each other as I left.
ugh, just awful, Im sorry.

I hope you can find a way to stay safe. and maybe you will find your own way in time, we are here for you. 

[Sesame]

Hi all, thanks for your replies.

Three Roses, I think I figured out what it was, but now I've been hit with another in a way. Thanks to my uBPDNmum... Either way, I think the easier identification helps recovery.

Sienna, I don't think it's related to him going away, but to the feeling of being isolated in my lived experiences and emotions relating to that. I don't have anyone I know nearby who understands me on that level. I definitely went through this feeling as a child because my parents were pretending and lying about everything that was happening at home. Trying to gaslight me even though I knew what I saw. And even though they tried, they couldn't do anything about the racist abuse and bullying I faced at school because the teachers did nothing. Even though I have a brother, I was the eldest. I felt responsible and I didn't know what to do to save us. It was a very isolating, depressing and hopeless kind of feeling.

Thank you both again.