Snowdrop's journal

[Bermuda]

It's good to hear you are feeling calm and balanced. I'm glad you found a valuable resource in your journey.

[Snowdrop]

Thank you Rainy and Bermuda .

While I've been ill, it's been much harder for me to access Self and interact with parts. It's been sporadic and limited. This morning I was able to go on an IFS journey to check in with parts.

I started by explaining to parts what had been going on. I'd been ill, I was sorry I hadn't been there for them as much, but I'm here for them now.

Next, I spoke to a part who had been protecting me by minimising my traumas. I thanked her for protecting me. When I asked her how old she thought I was, she said 18. When I told her my real age, she was surprised, but then accepted I was my Self.

The part said she minimised my traumas because she was scared of F trying to section me. I said I was an adult in a safe home. F has no power over me. I wouldn't let that happen. This reassured her.

She said it took a lot of energy keeping traumatised parts down, but they kept breaking free. That meant she had to exert even more energy, and she felt so tired. I explained how this polarisation was escalating. The more she pushed down, the more the other parts pushed back, and so on. No wonder she felt exhausted.

I asked the part if she'd feel able to ease off if the traumatised parts calmed down and stopped trying to break through, and she said yes. She agreed to let me talk to them, with her listening in the background.

The part had been holding back many traumatised parts, so I asked if I could speak to a spokespart who could talk for the group. One came forward. I thanked her and the other parts for protecting me. They saved my life. I was grateful to them. The spokespart relaxed and appreciated me recognising this.

I explained the situation to the spokespart. After some discussion, we agreed that I could listen to the traumatised parts without them having to flood and overwhelm me. We also agreed that I couldn't help all of them at once, they'd have to wait their turn, and this was ok. The key thing was that the parts knew I was there and that I cared.

When I went back to the part who had minimised my traumas, she was pleased with how the conversation had gone. She said she felt able to relax as long as the traumatised parts didn't flood and overwhelm me. She said she still needed to keep a watchful eye on things, which I accepted.

[Hope67]

Hi Snowdrop,
It's great that you were able to re-visit your parts in this way, and re-engage and reassure them, and communicate with them.

Hope you are continuing to feel better, after your illness, and that you are ok 
Hope 

[Snowdrop]

Thank you, Hope. I'm definitely on the mend.

I did a short IFS journey today to check in with parts. They were all quite calm, including the part who had been minimising my traumas and pushing parts down.

I've been doing pretty well today. I felt anxious a couple of times, but I realised this was because I was blended, and the anxiety went when I checked in with the parts behind it.

There's been a big shift in terms of how I relate to my body. It feels as though some parts who didn't trust my body spontaneously unburdened, and now see my body as a safe place for them to be. I now realise that my body responded in the ways that it did in order to protect me, and I'm grateful to it for saving my life. I decided to thank it this morning by making my favourite breakfast.

[Larry]

sounds nice snowdrop.  i hope you enjoy breakdfast and your day

[Snowdrop]

Thank you, Larry. My breakfast was yummy .

Today has gone pretty well. I had some anxiety from a couple of parts, but they stepped back when I asked them. I listened to them, and they calmed down.

I did a short IFS journey to check in with parts. The main part that popped up was one who was scared of getting into trouble because I'd spoken up when asked for my opinion. This part was one who'd been punished by HB when she'd tried to speak up about him. I reassured her that it was ok, I'm an adult now, and the situation was different. I also told her how sorry I was that she'd been treated that way, she didn't deserve it. I gave her a hug, and left her snuggled up to a friendly bear.

As well as this, I've been quite mindful about being in my body. I've felt more present, and I've been dissociating less.

[Armee]

I love how much care you're able to give the parts of yourself. It's inspirational for me.

[Snowdrop]

Thanks Armee  .

This morning I did some clearing up and sorting out, and I also ended up doing a bit of work. I felt a bit stressed about the work and fatigued afterwards, so I know I'm not ready for it yet. I spent the afternoon resting under my blanket.

I did another short IFS journey to check in with parts. They all seemed reasonably calm.

[Snowdrop]

I've had a pretty good day today. I treated myself to a hair treatment in the morning, and finished catching up with a workshop. The workshop helped be more grounded in my body, and part way through I felt feelings of stress and overwhelm I'd been holding on to lift from me.

I did another short IFS journey to check on with parts. All is well. The part who had been minimising my traumas and keeping parts down was pretty relaxed, and I also caught up with my cheerleading part to remind her how much I appreciate her.

[rainydiary]

I'm glad to read this - thanks for sharing about your day.

[Snowdrop]

Thanks Rainy!

There's something I forgot to mention that happened on my IFS journey. I want to write about it.

It involves someone who I've known since childhood. I've become aware of a number of red flags that make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

In my journey, I thought of this person and where they stood in relation to me. It felt as though they were too close, and a number of parts felt alarmed. I then moved the person much further away to a distance that felt safe for me and my parts.

I'm pleased I did this. It meant I listened to warnings parts were giving me, treated them seriously, and did something about it. The parts appreciated this and felt heard.

[Hope67]

I listened to warnings parts were giving me, treated them seriously, and did something about it. The parts appreciated this and felt heard.

That sounds really great Snowdrop.    

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

snowdrop, i admire all the work you are doing, how you interact with your parts, recognize them and their worth.  it's pretty amazing to me.  you're a rock star!   love and hugs

[Snowdrop]

Thank you, Hope and San.

I've been away from here for a while. I've had some nerve damage from when I was ill last year, and this has made doing things like posting difficult. I've also had to take things gently to help me recover quicker. It looks like it's beginning to ease, thank goodness, so I thought I'd post a quick update, and say I'm thinking of you all.

[rainydiary]

I'm glad for your update, Snowdrop.  I am sorry to hear about the nerve damage and wish you well as you continue to find your way through that.