Don't even know *triggers*

[Serenity]

I don't know what to say or think but I'll do my best to explain it.

Today my mother told me I told child/adolescent mental health counselors that a family member had sexually abused me not long after it happened, however I don't recall doing so and there was no follow up even though it would've been reported, am waiting to get a copy of all the notes from that service. So to a degree she knew something happened to me and now she's telling me counseling isn't going to work to fix my issues I just need to push it down and forget about it, it really looks like she's been trying to cover it all up for years and trying to say I'm making it up, if anything did happen it was my fault. This is kind of a rant but I'm really angry and don't know how to deal with this horrible feeling of betrayal.

[Dee]

I'm sorry this is happening.  This also isn't so uncommon.  There are different reasons why people do not stand behind the victim or even blame them.  Sometimes they believe the victim, and sort of support the victim in a way by telling them to not to think about it.  For me, my sister is the one who says "don't think about it, it never happened."  That is her denial so she doesn't have to deal with it.  I also believe she genuinely thinks that I need to get over it and live my life.  Which isn't entirely wrong, but not realistic.  My mother is an entirely different story.  Her own needs have gotten in the way and are her priority.

I believe in therapy/counseling.  Sometimes you have to process the bad to enjoy the good.

[Serenity]

I do understand that some people prefer denial and don't want to accept it. I'm just really heartbroken that my mother who is meant to protect me would do the opposite, use it as an excuse to leave the family and to actually blame me for all of it. Even admitting she knew I had a gun aimed at my face and had been beaten and buried. I'm just shocked at how she could know that and still say I had a great childhood and was a loving mother. I feel like I've been fed BS most my life, made out to be crazy when she's the messed up one.

[ah]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm with you. It's maddening to be told to just forget your pain. It invalidates not just what happened to you, but also you as a person. Pain can't be forgotten or pushed aside, but yeah, denial seems to be common, I've experienced it over and over my whole life.

My father is a psychopath, he's convinced my family and everyone who will listen that I'm crazy when he's the messed up one. It hurts like *. It's so hard, feels like it's totally unreal. My childhood has been about denial, lies, fear, terror, neglect, abuse. Not what the books and movies taught me to expect from parents.

I don't know if I'll ever accept it. For now I have a kind of cold truce with it: if it stops haunting me, I'll let it be.
I hope it stops haunting you too 

[Blueberry]

I feel like I've been fed BS most my life, made out to be crazy when she's the messed up one.

I'm sorry. This happens to lots of us on here, I fear. Me too. I was told I was crazy, a failure, a loser and all sorts of other stuff. And blamed for 'causing all the problems in the family' by being born.  So if it helps you to think you're not the only one, then there's that.

I believe in therapy and counselling too. My FOO mostly doesn't and I was told decades ago to "forget it all" and get on with life. I made a terrific effort to forget and blocked out most of the good memories of my childhood too. So I think - you can't just forget the bad and keep the good! As I've posted elsewhere, I lost a whole lot of really clear and good visual memories and I lost the ability to store clear, colourful visual memories. So FOO's suggestion sure worked well. Not.

If it helps you to vent and rant on here, do so! It can help to get some of the anger and pain out. And know that usually at least one person on here understands and will comment. There are also some nice emojis like  that can get the point across if words fail you. 

[BlancaLap]

I'm so sorry that is happening to you. What your mother is doing is unforgivable.