I feel like my mother treats me more like an object than like a person with feelings, beliefs, needs, and an identity. All my life I have been her "little treasure", but not like someone she loves, but rather like something that she needs to own, to have, to protect, to keep. It hurts so much...
Someone can relate?
I can relate to being treated like an object sometimes but not a treasure! Here are some :bighug: :bighug: anyway. You seem to be going through a lot of presumably hurtful realisations atm.
Quote from: Blueberry on December 09, 2017, 10:30:51 PM
I can relate to being treated like an object sometimes but not a treasure! Here are some :bighug: :bighug: anyway. You seem to be going through a lot of presumably hurtful realisations atm.
:bighug:
Yes BlancaLap, I can relate with that a lot! :hug:
Quote from: Jazzy on December 10, 2017, 09:19:19 AM
Yes BlancaLap, I can relate with that a lot! :hug:
I'm sorry. :hug:
Yeah, I understand the feeling :grouphug:
Quote from: Restful on December 11, 2017, 02:26:33 AM
Yeah, I understand the feeling :grouphug:
Sorry to hear that :hug:
It's not nice to be treated that way. I understand what it feels like.
Is there a way you can challenge her behaviour? Maybe go no contact for a while?
Quote from: Restful on December 11, 2017, 01:46:01 PM
Is there a way you can challenge her behaviour? Maybe go no contact for a while?
I live in her house hahahahhaha I wish I could just go... maybe next year. Any other way... I don't think I can change her behaviour, even if I tell her what bothers me, she will not understand.
Yeah, I was wondering if you still live at M's and F's. You do, Blanca. With that in mind, it's not surprising to me that so many things are difficult BUT I also think you are doing really well atm, considering that you still live with them. When you're still totally caught up in the abuse as opposed to still being gaslighted etc from a distance, it's a lot harder to make progress and heal, IME anyway.
I still lived with M and F for the first part of my student years; for me being at university did have its challenges but in the main it was far better than school and far better than home, so it felt mostly like a refuge. I wish you had more of that Blanca! But CPTSD comes as it comes. We don't all have exactly the same symptoms or reactions. :hug:
I can definitely relate. :hug:
Quote from: Blueberry on December 11, 2017, 03:24:22 PM
Yeah, I was wondering if you still live at M's and F's. You do, Blanca. With that in mind, it's not surprising to me that so many things are difficult BUT I also think you are doing really well atm, considering that you still live with them. When you're still totally caught up in the abuse as opposed to still being gaslighted etc from a distance, it's a lot harder to make progress and heal, IME anyway.
I still lived with M and F for the first part of my student years; for me being at university did have its challenges but in the main it was far better than school and far better than home, so it felt mostly like a refuge. I wish you had more of that Blanca! But CPTSD comes as it comes. We don't all have exactly the same symptoms or reactions. :hug:
I wish I could just heal, not matter where I live. :hug:
i think, blanca, that it's just more difficult to heal when living with our abusers. we might be able to take baby steps, but the abuse will keep pushing against us, keep us off balance, and create self-doubt too many times.
i wish we could heal no matter where we are or who's around us as well. that would be ideal, wouldn't it? still, i've found, in my own experience, that the farther away from abusive people i've gotten, the easier it's been for me to make progress.
still, you are in your situation, and i know you'll make the best of it until you can go. we'll be here supporting you all the way. big hug to you, blanca.
Quote from: sanmagic7 on December 11, 2017, 06:07:25 PM
i think, blanca, that it's just more difficult to heal when living with our abusers. we might be able to take baby steps, but the abuse will keep pushing against us, keep us off balance, and create self-doubt too many times.
i wish we could heal no matter where we are or who's around us as well. that would be ideal, wouldn't it? still, i've found, in my own experience, that the farther away from abusive people i've gotten, the easier it's been for me to make progress.
still, you are in your situation, and i know you'll make the best of it until you can go. we'll be here supporting you all the way. big hug to you, blanca.
Big hyg to you too sanmagic.
The truth is, I was able to heal last year because the contact I had with my family was very little even though we live in the same house. But now, they are over me (encima de mi) all the time. I mean, they are pending over me (?). So it makes everything... impossible.
Blanca, in my experience it's harder when you're near people who aren't safe, but it's still possible to heal.
Hoping to get away and making a plan to get away as soon as you can also helps, and so does low contact. I don't mean spending little time with your family (which isn't up to you, you have to see them), I mean becoming less and less emotionally involved when you're with them. Being vague, polite, nice, inscrutable, impersonal. Showing your emotions here on the forums, with other people, but not with people who aren't safe. They get to see a different side of you, a more distant side.
Be yourself here, with us.
It's not easy but I'm trying to do it too.
:hug:
Quote from: ah on December 12, 2017, 10:13:40 AM
Blanca, in my experience it's harder when you're near people who aren't safe, but it's still possible to heal.
Hoping to get away and making a plan to get away as soon as you can also helps, and so does low contact. I don't mean spending little time with your family (which isn't up to you, you have to see them), I mean becoming less and less emotionally involved when you're with them. Being vague, polite, nice, inscrutable, impersonal. Showing your emotions here on the forums, with other people, but not with people who aren't safe. They get to see a different side of you, a more distant side.
Be yourself here, with us.
It's not easy but I'm trying to do it too.
:hug:
Thanks ah, it helps to know
:grouphug: for everyone who has been treated so poorly!
QuoteI wish I could just heal, not matter where I live.
This is a very good point Blanca!
I won't pretend I understand everything, because I'm not even close. I can tell you my experience though. At first, I felt trapped at home with my parents, for many years... then they both left me on my own to take care of myself. They're both really bad, and I didn't heal very well in either situation. I think it's mostly a personal journey. There are others involved for sure, and who you live with plays a big role. We are each our own person though, and I think that's where it needs to start.
Hopefully it gets better for you soon! Take care of yourself as best you can, however that may be. :)
Quote from: Jazzy on December 12, 2017, 10:40:28 PM
:grouphug: for everyone who has been treated so poorly!
QuoteI wish I could just heal, not matter where I live.
This is a very good point Blanca!
I won't pretend I understand everything, because I'm not even close. I can tell you my experience though. At first, I felt trapped at home with my parents, for many years... then they both left me on my own to take care of myself. They're both really bad, and I didn't heal very well in either situation. I think it's mostly a personal journey. There are others involved for sure, and who you live with plays a big role. We are each our own person though, and I think that's where it needs to start.
Hopefully it gets better for you soon! Take care of yourself as best you can, however that may be. :)
Thanks Jazzy! :)