**continuing TW here too.**
Yes, I took part in similar behaviours. My dolls were very sexualized, my first kiss (at 6) was with a girl and she became very uncomfortable and refused to play with me again because of my sexual behaviour with her... Something I'm deeply embarassed about, to this day she can't look me in the eye. I figure it also has to do with some homophobia too, but it's weird, I felt like I abused her. She was a bit older than me, maybe 3 years older.
After that I went into complete lockdown until I was 12, when I had my "official first kiss" with a boy. I couldn't kiss him properly, I was too scared. Then at 13 I loosened up with a boyfriend I was more comfortable with. Then after that at 14 I was sexually abused and stayed with the guy, accepting my fate like I had consented. My T thinks I knew I hadn't consented but something in me allowed and permitted the abuse, repeating behaviours from my childhood. At 16 I was able to be sexual again, but this time I was in control.
4 years later I was sexually abused again, but I was no longer a child.
Yes, I took part in similar behaviours. My dolls were very sexualized, my first kiss (at 6) was with a girl and she became very uncomfortable and refused to play with me again because of my sexual behaviour with her... Something I'm deeply embarassed about, to this day she can't look me in the eye. I figure it also has to do with some homophobia too, but it's weird, I felt like I abused her. She was a bit older than me, maybe 3 years older.
After that I went into complete lockdown until I was 12, when I had my "official first kiss" with a boy. I couldn't kiss him properly, I was too scared. Then at 13 I loosened up with a boyfriend I was more comfortable with. Then after that at 14 I was sexually abused and stayed with the guy, accepting my fate like I had consented. My T thinks I knew I hadn't consented but something in me allowed and permitted the abuse, repeating behaviours from my childhood. At 16 I was able to be sexual again, but this time I was in control.
4 years later I was sexually abused again, but I was no longer a child.