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Hi everyone,

Im really having trouble making a decision to leave my job.  Its not a bad company, but my department is INCREDIBLY dysfunctional.  I have trained my manager (she still doesnt know what her employees do after 3.5 years), and still cover for her.  I also did the previous managers job, no one knew.  Its the type of place where you only get anywhere by knowing someone high up.  Im struggling....Im being pushed to do too much work, my input is ignored and put down.  Yes, these are VERY trying times for all, but I just keep being told to "just get it done".  And of course, my manager agrees with that sentiment....and she has NO CLUE what she is asking me to do.

I am under valued and I feel under paid.  I would love to leave, but feel I am letting my family down.  I dont know that I will make this money anywhere else.  While we can survive without my income, I feel I am asking my family to give up alot for me.

I know this seems so trivial and stupid with everything going on, I just dont have any family (am no contact) and few friends.  I would appreciate any advice or thoughts on this.  Especially since this community "gets" CPTSD.

Thank you so much for reading,

Finding peace

I was diagnosed with CPTSD last spring.  It explains so so much.  This life has been hard, trying to figure out what is in my head is hard.  Trying to heal....hard.

I was sexually abused at a very young age.  Memories are mostly suppressed.  However, the fear, shame and sadness are not.  My father was an alcoholic, my mother has NPD from everything I can tell.  I was her scapegoat and finally went NC a year ago.  That started this process....

I have 2 amazing therapists.  One is newer and starting EMDR.  Im scared but have read so much here that has helped me feel a little more at ease.  Im so glad I have found these ladies, and so glad I have found this site.  This site is the only thing keeping me from feeling alone.  Everyone here is so kind...just reading the replies to posts I can relate to has been so comforting....its nice to have a place where people understand.

Thank you for reading my first post.  And thank you to all who contribute....it is so nice to know someone else gets it.