The path to healing.......a real see-saw.
Up one minute, down the next.
Its like I almost intuitively felt this would all come gushing out and the ride would be painful and purposely lived in denial all along, in fear of this happening if I did otherwise.
And now I have done otherwise by moving towards all the pain and my fears are confirmed. But what my intuition didn't tell me is what to expect beyond all the pain and overwhelm. This is where the unknown territory lies and I'm taking a big leap of faith here.
Although....my intuition is very clear and definitive when it comes to others in the same boat. I can see it clear as day. Work through the heavy blockages from your past, one day at a time, and be true to yourself...it will lead to fulfilment.
I'm just tired of the see-saw! I want to either be up or down for a prolonged period. Preferably up. But then again, I don't because I want to keep delving in and keep on healing....
Argh. Frazzled. :fallingbricks:
I'm sorry you're going thru this, holidayay. :hug:
Yes, you are spot-on; the see-saw is maddening. I used to question having read assessments about how living with cptsd was a lifelong project. Unfortunately, I've found out that's true, in my case; and I'm sensing it is for you, as well, holidayay.
As the risk of sounding naive, there still seems to be some hope within and around all of this. My only solid evidence is all of the writers and readers on this forum. Without hope we wouldn't be here. Scientists wouldn't like that as proof, but it is -- proof that the heart is still carrying us forward.
:hug:
I second what woodsgnome says. See-saw is real and it's a thing because every time you open up, the new feelings that come are just as real as your past ones. You have gone through this event, or this fear? Welp, here's another just as real and just as frightening. I don't have any good words to counter this argument, but I agree with woodsgnome; there's this forum, groups, other people that seem to help.
Hope you're better, sending a hug :hug:
Quote from: marta1234 on April 15, 2020, 05:28:14 AM
I second what woodsgnome says. See-saw is real and it's a thing because every time you open up, the new feelings that come are just as real as your past ones. You have gone through this event, or this fear? Welp, here's another just as real and just as frightening. I don't have any good words to counter this argument, but I agree with woodsgnome; there's this forum, groups, other people that seem to help.
I third it ;)
Quote from: marta1234 on April 15, 2020, 05:28:14 AM
See-saw is real and it's a thing because every time you open up, the new feelings that come are just as real as your past ones. You have gone through this event, or this fear? Welp, here's another just as real and just as frightening.
I like the way you worded this marta, it gave me words for a phenomenon I know so well but have never had words for.
I hope knowing you're not alone in this will help you feel a little less frazzled,
holidayay.
I've only just seen the replies to this board. This site should really have notifications to alert users when replies are sent.
Anyway....yeah I'm back on the downward see saw. Sigh.
I'm so unhappy, having thoughts of not wanting to be here again. Just thoughts. Its just so difficult :(