Way too much TW CSA/SA

[Saluki]

There's too much.

It feels like the thoughts and the memories are clogging up my head so new information can't be remembered or retained or processed.

[Saluki]

Random information:

I've been learning a language that's completely different from English. I speak this language with everyone plus the animals here. My dog can understand things like "Are you hungry? Do you want food?" and "Come here". My fellow humans have not joined in my language learning adventure (not with this specific language anyway) which makes me sad for some reason. When I speak in that language I feel much freer. Like a different person. It's like because the bad memories didn't happen in that language it's more comfortable speaking it? I don't know if anyone else has experienced that but it helps. A lot. I'm never going to be fluent unless I spend at least a year in the country they speak it in...so maybe I will some day... that's something to think about at any rate.

[Bert]

Morning Saluki,

Thinking about you today. I'm really hoping you're feeling a teeny little bit better.

To me, that feeling as though the thoughts/memories are clogging up your mind is a sign that there is a really strong protective part of you that isn't allowing you to move forwards. Just like how a startled deer in headlights responds to an oncoming disaster. Albeit, now that you're in the here and now (and I hope you're safe), you're more like a startled deer but with absolutely nothing around.

I can only guess that that part is simply not wanting you to process reality as it is now, because it is stuck in the abusive past? You certainly wouldn't have wanted to back then.

I hope that I'm offering you with a little bit of insight. I'm sending you my wishes.