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[I wanted that sympathy!]

Yesterday I had a nasty experience.
I felt incredibly invalidated by somebody. Not that this person had said anything bad to me, but was sympathetic to somebody else. I wanted that sympathy! 

A few months ago I had a similar experience, involving a dear friend. Then it took weeks to snap out of it, after I had felt bad about it, and in particular I felt resentful towards this friend, for weeks.
Now it only lasted for a few hours. So there's progress.

I guess it has to do with abandonment issues. Not that it matters that much, it's the experience of snapping out of it that counts.
With the dear friend it easier to tell the story, as some of the background I already shared here:
No X-mas with 'mom'.

So my DramaMom had send us Adult Children & Adult Grandchildren an invitation for her birthday-party. The invitation sucked. It was a set up for Drama, by drawing on everlasting ancient Drama: The wife of my sis can't stand DramaMom and has been NC with her for ages. She NEVER attends my 's birthday, ever. But what does the invitation say? "I want to invite you [Adult (grand)Children], for [some sort of event Y]. First I'm informing you, and then later I'l invite [sis's wife], [bro's wife], [bro's daughter], [bro's son], [granson1's GF] and [grandson2's GF]. Offcourse I would love it when everybody comes ...Let me know."
Now, I didn't need that big-a-push to not attend her party, but this invitation had me steaming the minute I read it. (took a while to see why, but that's probably the EF's dissociation or so)
I declined the invitation after half an hour (that really is much quicker than I remember, but time-codes on e-mail doesn't lie) with: "I'm not attending your birthday-party this year. I wish you a nice day and success with the further organization." (<--- I guess that's a passive-aggressive way of letting DramaMom know 'why'. Or an MC way of disengaging. In any case, it feels appropriate to me.)

A few days later I spoke with dear friend on this, and she blew up: "Do these people (=my FOO) ever respect ANY BOUNDARY?!" and then she was upset on behalf of DramaSis and her wife.  Aaarggghhh!!! I felt so invalidated. Yes, she was right, but I had to take all this crap too! I wanted to be validated for staying away from this mess, I guess.
I didn't tell dear friend this, I 'froze' (or 'fawned' ?) I guess. Rationally my friend was right, so I couldn't argue with it.

It took me a few weeks to see that in fact she had validated me (and my feelings) as she was as upset as me, for the very same reason no less. It is the DramaMom digging up the Drama for effect. And it is an incredible boundary violation of (first) my SiL, (second) my 'sis', and (third) all the rest of us: me, bro, the sons of 'sis'&SiL and everybody else 'attached' to us and 'invited' for Drama.
The fact that I was not specifically addressed in the anger-outburst of this dear friend was not a devaluation of my experience. Even if I felt 'left out' at the very moment.
After realizing this I could (internally) reconnect myself to said friend, and (internally) restore my bond with her, that had been under pressure for these weeks in between.
What did the trick for me in the end (or during the process I gather) was that I kept reaffirming to myself that this was a dear friend, who has validated me so much over the last past years, who has validated the obnoxious behavior by my FOO as dysfunctional when I told her about, who has been supportive of me through all this, so it simply couldn't be that she had now 'taken sides with' DramaSis and had 'forgotten' about me.

Yesterday I had an almost exact experience. Went through a same process.
But now within hours.

I have the feeling, which is also a hope and wish, that this is a step forward to reconnecting with trust in those who can be trusted. Instead of breaking of relationships with those who can be trusted over a 'small' and 'misinterpreted' faux pas. I was close to doing that, in both occasions. And I have done such in the past, I know.

Given the example of DramaMom above, that is no small wonder: I (or my Inner Child) do want and need to trust my mother. But she can only be trusted to create a train wreck.
I've been dealt a stacked deck.
And I'm doing well by building my own deck myself nowadays, through recovery.

Thanks for reading.

No, this is not about astrology, but astronomy.

I bet quite a few people here like looking at the marvelous universe we are part of, this month there is  something special to see.
http://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/jan/20/five-brightest-planets-appear-in-straight-line-from-horizon-to-the-moon

Pick a cloudless night. Get up early. Be awestruck. Have fun. 

There's not to much of a rush necessary though:

Stargazers will get another chance to see the sight in August when all five planets will be together again, only this time on the other side of the sun, meaning they will be visible just after sunset rather than before sunrise. It will not happen again until 2018.

[they]

I'm a bit in 'dire straits' as I think the phrase is.
I'll try to keep this short. In the process I might have to cut a few corners for brevity sake.

***trigger warning on emotional abuse by parents***
*** and trigger warnings on 'those who let it happen'***

My brother is repeating the story of the dysfunctional marriage of my parents. And then adds some.
He used to be an ex-pat, but has remigrated last year. In the process he basically kidnapped his kids: Visa regulations here effectively make sure his wife (whom he hates with a passion) can't be with her kids for half the time a year. Don't ask me why, but that's the way it is, and my brother remigrated just the same. In spite of this. With the emphasis on "spite". To spite his wife, no doubt.
I bet he's more upset she can still come here half the time, than the other way around.

So far I have avoided visiting him (and them). For four months now. Not that bro has been particularly inviting. But he has hoovered.
Bro is doing his kids a great disservice. On the outside he's showing off the 'happy ex-pat returning home and giving his kids a chance to experience part of their heritage' scheme, but in reality he's mentally, psychologically and emotionally abusing them.
Robbing your kids from their mom, and robbing your wife from her kids.... 

Perhaps his wife is being caught/trapped in his schemes, perhaps she schemes herself as much as bro does. I don't know. But she's an adult.

Their kids are not.
That's where the 'dire straits' come into play.
I'm convinced the kids are paying the price for the trainwreck this marriage is. The loss both parents are refusing to take when they would divorce: the kids are emptying their piggy-bank to compensate.
IMHO bro and SiL are both chickens. But hey, look who's talking: it took me 50-odd years to clear up my act with regard to keeping dysfunctional relationships, and I'm still struggling. I can't say I'm holding the moral high ground here.
And I never married, nor had kids, so what do I know.

Part in me just wants to end the abuse my nieces and nephews are in. And I bloody well know what abusive situation they are in: my parents marriage was a shipwreck as well, and they fought it out over our heads when we where kids. My brother is well 'groomed' so to speak. And my parents still fight tooth and nail 15 years after their divorce, so they think all is great: marriage is just a lifelong battle until you die. Even after you are divorced.
Codependecy much? I bet it is.

So confronting bro is a losing strategy: he has his back covered by our  *cough* parents *cough*. Not that if he hadn't he would behave much different I guess. But that's beside the point: he has their 'blessing' if only because it's the only thing they know how to. Therapist/HPD-Mom is probably thrilled: real life drama that she can counsel... the opportunity is too great to pass on, let alone reach some sort of solution/closure. That would rob her of her 'Therapist/Histrionic/Narcissist supply'.
So I can count on all of the 'involved' to put their best effort in "keeping things as they are".

But the kids, The Kids, THE KIDS... Aaargghhh....
Prevention is a big thing, yet I see no way to prevent this trainwreck from causing more harm. I did confront bro a few times in the past, in no uncertain terms, that he was screwing up royally. For himself, for his wife, for his kids and I even appealed to friendships he was threatening by his outrageous behavior. (not al at the same the time )

Now he has pulled this.
For my own sanity, I know it's best to stay away from this all. And that basically means NC with his whole FOC, now that they are here. But it's hard. I know what's going on (because I'm sort of the 'confidante' of bro) but I can't tell the kids. They are mid-teens, so even besides the obvious denials my bro will throw out in front of his kids, they are too young to comprehend the mess, and bro's gaslighting, scheming and denial will only ADD to the psychological abuse. (and most probably SiL will stick to 'hubby' in this regard. She too has a facade to keep up. For whatever reason.) These kids ARE dependent on their parents. No way to change that.

So I see myself faced with having to choose the lesser of two (many?) evils: 'abandoning' their kids, for then at least I will not have participated in the staged Drama of 'the Happy Remigrated Ex-pat Family that is Not.'
But then I do let the kids fend for themselves, while they pay the bill/price for their parents dysfunction, while I KNEW.
So many people have posted here: "But what about the bystanders/neighbors/family that knew!"

I'm one of them.
And it tears my gut out.
I feel "damned if I do, damned if I don't."

Never mind the Dutch text: picture time. 

http://www.volkskrant.nl/foto/het-innerlijke-kind-van-onze-leiders~p4219615/

Top row: the Dutch prime-minister (left picture); Dutch Finance minister (and president of the Euro-zone Financial ministers Board) (right picture, centre stage.)

2nd row: John Kerry; Vladimir Putin

3rd row: Crown Prince Harry (UK). Dunno who pulls his ear. (So actually it's an unknown showing his Inner Child there); Obama.

4th row: Donald Trump; Helmut Schmidt (Former German Chancellor, famous for the public genuflection in front off the Warsaw-getto monument. RIP) (They should have put up a picture of him smoking. Despite all the bans he deliberately kept on smoking in public places, and nobody dared to stop him)

Bottom row, left picture: Princess (former Queen) Beatrix of the Netherlands; Wolfgang Schäuble, German Finance minister (right).

[is]

***possible triggers on divorce***




Dear SiL,

I've told you I can't meet you.
I can't tell you why. Well, not in your face at least. It would be pointless.
I'll do it here.

Your marriage sucks. And you know it. My brother has betrayed you so many times now, it baffles me you're still with him.
You probably have your reasons, and I'm not judging you. I haven't got a clue as to what a divorce would mean, not only in emotional terms, nor in practical terms.
I can only surmise as to your reasons to stay married.
What I do not have to surmise about is that your marriage is only one in legal terms, and the family you have with him is only a family 'by law'.
What the two of you are doing defies reason, love, care and decency. I have no clear picture of who does what (or who neglects what I should say), but I do have a clear picture of what my brother does.
And I don't like it, and I've made that clear to him on a number of occasions. That's all I can do.
He has made it clear to you to what he does. In his deeds, his behavior. You are not ignorant of it. It's not a secret. So I don't have anything to say to you in that respect. I have no news, I could only reiterate what has been going on for many, many years now, through a variety of nasty acts and nasty counter-acts or nasty indifference.

What is also clear is that you both are putting up a charade. There's lying, cheating, manipulating, the works. Yet, towards the outside world a picture is painted on how wonderful it all is. You and I know better. Not that we ever talked about it. But you know as well as I do. More so, most probable.
And I can't play a role in this Drama. I won't.
I will not play an enabling role by joining the stage and pretend. First of all, I get sick of it myself. When I meet you all I see the anger, the hostility, the sabotaging, the nagging, the lying, the fakery. It's for all to see. And that includes your kids. And I can't pretend in front of them. I will not be a man who will teach them the lesson: this is how a marriage/family works. "Nothing to see here, move on folks!" No.  For it shouldn't and doesn't have be this way.

I grew up I a family like the one you have now. And I hate to witness history repeating itself.
I remember well that some 20-odd years ago you made a remark about our family, my FOO. That it was a crazy family. I acknowledged. Little did I know then just how crazy my FOO-structure was, and still is. But you were right, and we both knew it.
So, in a way I'm sorry you married into this craziness, but you have lived away from us for those 20 years, halfway across the globe, and your family is as crazy as ours. That's been your doing, and bro's. Well, the husband and wife are as crazy as my parents I should say. Your kids are teens. 20 years ago my parents kids were adults, and behaved moronic. That's a different ballgame. But before that we were the teens like yours are now. Caught in a Drama from where there is no feasible escape.

You know all about the dysfunction in your FOC, and you must have an idea/knowledge of your own dysfunction in it. I don't. Yet there has to be. My brother can't do all this by himself. The level of dysfunction in your family can't stand on just one leg. You are the other.
Meeting you would only mean: to pretend. Or to spell out the obvious, and see it staying the same. Or to avoid the situation in it's entirety. My brother knows quite well where I stand, but he chooses to ignore. He has enablers enough around him, most notably my parents I guess, who did divorce 15-odd years ago, and still bicker with each other. LOL.
They think this is normal. For them it even is normal. It's all they have ever done.
So does bro.
But most astonishing: so do you. You are the biggest enabler of them all, of-course. Why, I don't know: you might crave the money, you might crave the social status, you might wince from the stigma of divorce, you might fear what happens next, law might present you with the short end of the stick if you file for divorce... Still, even so I can't join the pretense that you too hold up, and fake in front of you, my brother, your kids and/or whoever witnesses the mess.
I can't be complicit in this.
Your kids are paying the price here. The price you and bro are not willing to pay. You both don't want to suffer any loss for the marriage that didn't work out. Neither of you want to loose 'half', as a divorce would entail.

And I'm not bailing you out. Neither of you.
I've not seen my brother for close to a year. We hardly spoke/wrote even. I don't see this changing much, soon. As I made it clear to him as well I'm not stepping on the stage of this charade.

Both of you rather have the whole mess than to part with half of it.

So: "I won't be seeing you."
Good luck and take care. Especially for your children. They need it, and much better care than either of you are giving them at the moment, and much better care than they have received for a long while now.

So long, I'm signing off.

A rather fun and liberating article: Drowning in commitments? It's time to stop giving a damn

I can relate, and I find this a worthwhile effort to put some energy in, the coming year.

[Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS).]

As I will visit my (undiagnosed) Asperger's dad today I'm reading up on it.
And I found this link in my bookmarks. I hadn't read it before, but it strikes me that his article addresses a cPTSD related 'condition' in partners and children of an Asperger's/autistic parent.

The introduction of the article:

Neurotypical spouses and children of adults with Asperger syndrome (AS) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) risk being affected by Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS).

What is OTRS?

OTRS is a trauma-based syndrome, which can affect people over a long period when they are subjected to repeated psychological traumatic impacts within a close relationship.

As I know I'm not alone in struggling with the possibility of an Asperger's dad*, I thought I'd share. In times to come even more cPTSD-ers might join the site with a similar background in their FOO. Or FOC for that matter.
And I should probably add that Autism/Asperger's is not a specific male trait, and quite a few psychologists suspect it is under-diagnosed in females. So mothers can be Asperger's too.
*) Well, I'm not so much struggling with the possibility, but with his erratic behavior.    Whatever the cause, the effects on me stay the same. It does help me though to read up on what I know about Asperger's, as I can be better prepared what to expect, and am better prepared what not to do, and better prepared what to do. For my own benefit, and as a by-catch also his, as we both don't get so 'worked up'.
A pro-active trigger-avoidance program(ming), is the aim for me doing this.


http://www.aspergerpartner.com/the-burden-on-nt-spouses-and-children-otrs.html
Another article that mentions OTRS: Patients not believed about the difficulty of their lives
Oh dear, this really has hit a nerve with me:

The confusing, differing maturity levels for the NT, in a unique Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome which Karen Rodman of FAAAS has termed Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome. (OTRS).

Effects of Differing Neuro/Developmental Levels on Neurotypical/Autism Spectrum Adult Relationships


Related articles (not specifically cPTSD related but still valuable IMHO for our recovery)
http://www.aspergerpartner.com/children-of-a-parent-with-asd-aspergers-syndrome-2.html

This one mentions Alzheimer and Autism, and wether or not the two are somehow related. 
http://www.aspergerpartner.com/does-aspergers-asd-get-worse-with-age.html

Another article I found that deals with the (underreported/underresearched) phenomenon of being raised by an Asperger's parent:
http://www.theneurotypical.com/parents-with-aspergers.html

A video by SpartanLifeCoach (a.k.a. Richard Grannon) on asperger vs narcissism.

edit: added resources.

[View at your own discretion: it's ugly.]

I'll leave out any trigger warnings, as I assume those who might get triggered by 'this', know to avoid this part of the Board.
I do want to say: View at your own discretion: it's ugly.



This is an article from the "New Yorker" on one of the members who has fled America's most hated church/cult/denomination.

I post this as a sign of hope, and at the same time as a sign of how bad Religious Abuse can be, for all those caught up in it, on either side.
This is how bad it is

I've seen some excellent (yet horrifying) documentary's on this specific church, most notably by Louis Theroux. (Who has made a lot of excellent documentaries on a wide range of topics, all related in some form or another on the 'human condition'. From Alzheimer's to "No go areas" all over the globe. But I digress.)

This is in a sense inspired by the thread on whether misery is at the core of Great Art, or not.
( http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1932.0 )

In the past weeks this story has been in the news ( http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2015/nov/10/modiglianis-reclining-nude-fetches-second-highest-ever-art-auction-price ) and I must confess: this painting has had me in tears, more than once.

So I don't want to share this for the money-value it has fetched, but for the beauty, and the no doubt beautiful source that was the inspiration to make it.

The title of the painting is "Reclining Nude", which has all the **trigger warnings** in it that might be warranted.

Today I stumbled upon this great article on what's one of my favorite subjects regarding human behavior/psychology: "the Concorde Fallacy" a.k.a. "Sunk Cost Fallacy".

I think this belongs here on the board, as I think that realizing this very basic human trait affects us all, cPTSD and non-PTSD alike, may be of aid in our recovery. (well, at least it helps mine)

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/03/25/the-sunk-cost-fallacy/

The not so sunny ending of the article:

As an adult human being, you have the gift of reflection and regret. You can predict a future place where you must admit your efforts were in vain, your losses permanent, and when you accept the truth it is going to hurt.

***Trigger warning. I'm spelling it out as it is.***








I want to show my solidarity to all those people, whom I will never know personally, but of whom I know there will be many, who will contract PTSD or if they have had previous traumatic experiences the PTSD might now well expand into cPTSD, by the horrific murderous ploy by those who damned well knew what they did and why they wanted to do it and have made perfectly clear why they believed in what they were doing was the right thing to do.

More then a hundred gunned down, may they rest in peace, and they will: bless them. But the many hundreds wounded, the thousands of witnesses and the countless of thousands of family, friends, bystanders, aid services, policemen, neighborhood citizens...

It's a carnage. And it's scars will run deep, and they will run long. The perpetrators of these horrific crimes know better than many of the public at large what PTSD means and how to inflict it. "Terror" it's called in colloquial terms, and it's what they crave to inflict.

My heart goes out to all the victims (and the perpetrators of these monstrosities are NOT among them), and to the (c-)PTSD victims to inevitably arise from this horror in particular. May the medical services give them the treatment they need. May they get the recognition and validation they need and deserve.

This world needs education, not indoctrination.

Peace.

"inquiring minds want to know" and all that...

I realize I'm pretty active and upfront on this board. Is it my "Dutch Uncleness"?   I sometimes wonder.
So , without wanting to cast any judgement on whom whatsoever I want to pose this question to you all who log in at times:

Your activity on this board: how do you like/fancy it? (phrased otherwise: what is your own personal preference?)


I will have a totally hands off approach to this thread from now on. I won't be back in this thread. So for this specific thread I should have voted option 1 (or perhaps even option 10, but that would be cheating  )
On the whole though, my reason to visit this site is #9:

proactive public participant (= I read/start threads to connect with my own personal experiences, and reply in the thread to get my own stuff out as well. I reach out to be reached in kind.

[going]

I have been agonizing over this problem for ages. Mostly unconsciously (I suppose).
Yet it has been tearing at my heart ever since I started coming out of the FOG.
And now that I'm one year into NC with my female sibling, and factually approaching the same 'status' with my female parent it keeps on tugging at my gut.
Let's call it gut-wrenching, even though better terms are around.

Today I found this article, and it explains quite well to me the difference between Silent Treatment and No Contact.
It doesn't make No Contact much easier, but it has strengthened my resolve.
This has been my take on it, from the moment I enacted No Contact, and didn't even make a contact to say I was 'going to'.
I did it, by going No Contact. Right there and then.

I thought I'd share.
For anybody who struggles with the same Guilt over going No Contact.
The Obligation to somehow remain open that you just 'intended' a Silent Treatment and actually wanted a "mend" but "just acted funny"
And the Fear that it will all backfire on your own conscience some day...

http://www.thenarcissisticpersonality.com/no-contact-silent-treatment/

I never know for sure if I should put posts like this under "Progress/success" or "Frustrated/setbacks"  I guess that's because it's all so utterly confusing...

Anyway, long story short:
Today I received a X-mas/birthdayparty (both of them being the 25th) invitation by 'mom'.
I wrote back: I will not be attending.

This is quite a thing, as I, as the only one of my siblings, have attended her birthday for 20 years straight. Consciously that is, 20 years ago I made a vow to do so, whatever it would take. I don't recall missing many before that either.
Bro and sis came on and off. Fine, it's a difficult date, especially if you have in-laws. I get that. Their call. I never cared for the reason why or why not they attended. Even if THEY thought I should care about it, because it would be beyond "This year spouse and I will be at the in-laws." "Meh..." I said and did, in these cases. I guess I already did MC before I knew the value of it. 
Yeah, mom's birthday is on X-mas, it sucks, relax already, nobody can help it. For once it's not mom's fault. Quit whining to me, even if 'mom' whines about it. I know the drill. Relax, it's nothing new, yeah I think it suck too.

Last year she had a Jubilee that ended in disaster, through no fault of my own, BUT THROUGH THE FAULT OF EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED, INCLUDING DRAMAMOM!
Good grief, that I actually would shout that out some day.
YES!!!! I BLAME EVERYBODY BUT ME!!!! BECAUSE THEY ALL SABOTAGED EVERY EFFORT ANYBODY MADE!!!!! INCLUDING MINE!!! I SABOTAGED NOTHING!!!! I WOULD BE THERE, BY DEFAULT!!!!! AND I DID, REGARDLESS!!!!

I intent to be very MC towards 'mom' about the "why are you not coming?" 
I know the reasons, but "there is no reasoning with the unreasonable", so I'll have to bite my tongue.

Holiday season has started! I have never been anxious about it, and in fact I always have made sure I felt absolutely fine when going to her birthday, and usually got of unharmed. But this year there is going to be another attempt at a get-together, and I just can't stomach it anymore.
Literally. I just came back from a walk (after I had told her "No, I'm not coming"), and I actually had a 'knot in my stomach', as the saying goes in Holland.
This is the first time I bail out. And to be honest, it's the first time I WANT TO bail out. I know what's coming... From 'mom', NCsis and Bro. Enough already.
And I'm pretty sure that, just like I had made the commitment to be there on my mom's birthday, however sucky the date was, I am now following up on the commitment that has been growing ever since last year (and was reinforced by multiple ABUSE hurled at me since, over this failed Jubilee, which I attended just as faithfully as ever), that this is the first year of a long tradition of staying away from the drama.

Wish me strength.
I'll need it.
I. Must. Not. Waver.
Even now when I have presented everybody with the perfect excuse to hurl filth at me.
I'm done with the Foodoo-spells they cast. 
They'll be coming my way 'ever which way' anyhow. I might as well start running while I still can, and take a lead that cannot be bested.

Caption:
Nature winner: Showtime, by Hasan Baglar
'When mantises are afraid of something, they raise their arms and spread their wings. It's their normal defensive behaviour. To take the picture I attempted to touch them and this is how they reacted, opening their wings. They look like smiling ballet dancers.'

source: http://www.theguardian.com/travel/gallery/2015/nov/01/winning-shots-from-siena-international-photography-awards-2015

I wrote this letter in Dutch.
(I'll never send it. I also have no inclination to tell her this. But I might, someday when the situation warrants it. Even though I don't know at this point what a 'situation that warrants it' might be, or when that would happen.)
I thought I'd share.

*** possible triggers on bad therapists ***


"Mother, I don't want to 'talk things over with you' anymore. I know from experience that these so-called conversations will always end up whitewashing your misconduct. They always result in you "figuring out what went wrong" and the end is always that there is some so-called 'cause', or a previous event, or some sort of 'hurt' was inflicted on you, to the effect you actually couldn't help it, and it's me who has "done it".
I will no longer participate in your whitewashing-schemes.
I will no longer dig my own grave by "talking it over" with you, by "sitting down together" and reconcile. You have proven you are perfectly able to reconcile it yourself, without any 'aid' from me. You have never needed any 'aid' from me, other than me handing you the ammo to execute me with. Me handing you the nails so you could crucify me with them.
I will no longer facilitate the whitewashing that the Therapist you hired so slyly pulls off. This Therapist being you yourself, this self-serving creature that hides so conveniently by the label "mother" you have pinned on her lab-coat in this game of cloak-and-dagger.
No more whitewashing, Misses Therapist. You're fired. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

In my process of coming Out of the FOG, (during most of the time I hadn't even heard of the concept), I  journaled and journaled, wrote essays to myself, educated myself etc. etc.

And at some point I started to use 'new' words for my Family. First I started to call it the "Broken Family" (since my parents have divorced, and this term, albeit uncomfortable at first for the stigma it carries, does fit the bill in describing the actual state of the family I'm part of). Then, when I had finally had the guts to Google "Dysfunctional Family" and the wiki-lemma had such an awful lot of 'boxes' I could check, I started to call it the "Broken Dysfunctional Family", shortened to GDG in my writings. (GDG being Dutch for "BDF" ).

I wondered: do any of you have their own "name", "word", "term", "catch-phrase" for your "FOO"?

[are]

I have noticed of late that some (sub)forums don't 'clear' the "new post"-graphics when I have accessed a new post via the "show unread posts" screen.
If I subsequently access them via opening the (sub)forum and then read the post, the 'new' sign does get cleared.
Also the posts that are involved do not show up in the "latest post" announcement at the bottom of the main forum page (under "Forum stats"). Oddly enough, when clicking the "View most recent posts on the forum" these 'ghost-posts' are visible there.

I think the (sub)fora "Therapy" and "Trauma Responses & Treatment" in the "Treatment for CPTSD" are affected by this. But possibly more.

It's no big deal, but I thought I might mention it. Perhaps there's just a 'switch' somewhere that needs a different setting.
Perhaps a 'techie' needs to do a deep search on how to fix it, in which case I apologize for having it brought up. 

Disturbing yet Awesome work of art.



I've never seen depicted so well the criticism I endured by certain people... time and again...

Today I stumbled on this Wikipedia article.

These are moments I'm especially surprised how much of what I (we, presumably) have experienced is actually so readily accessible for all to see.
Really... Wikipedia? How much more 'open source' can it get?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

edit: I should give credit where credit is due: this article http://www.traumahealed.com/articles/apologies-good-bad-and-abusive.html gave me the link to the Wikipedia-page.