Hi all,
I do a lot of research on anger and stumbled upon complex PTSD and felt that the symptoms were the most accurate when it comes to describing my anger.
I don't really know what to say here, so I'll just say everything that's on my mind.
So I am always * pissed off.
It gets to me most when people slight me, in my face and think that they can get away with it.
I go back home ruminating over the situation over, and over, and over in my head. I'd create wild scenarios about how I'd kick my wrongdoers' asses. It's always only about violence in my head.
Yet, I've never gotten in a fight before in my life, which makes me feel like I am not a man or that I have not been allowed to express myself properly, hence all the penned up anger.
I am a good person... I don't do stupid * to get myself in trouble. I want to maintain that of course, but ironically, I am so angry all the time.
I guess I have what you call "hypervigilence." When I get out of the house and see random stranger dudes, I am all like "I can take this guy on." If it's a bad day, I'd then create a scenario of how I'd fight him then.
And the things that piss me off can be so... mild sometimes. It could be my little niece being rude to me. I don't think of kicking her *, but I'd think of screaming at her.
It's just so tiring to feel angry all the time. I am holding on to a lot of things, some dating back to 10 years ago. I just can't let it go. I gnaws at me that my wrongdoers get away with it, and so, being angry is how I find my own justice, in my head.
But it hurts. I get angry at home, in my room randomly every, single * day. I end up breaking a lot of things around the house.
Am I overthinking it? It's not like I got sexually abused or went to war before. I lead a good life. I am grateful for so many things, but yet, I still feel all this anger.
What do I do?
Also, just to point out, my dad died 10 years ago. I can safely say then that that was when it all started growing in strength. Not started, but grow.
Any comments would help. I've no expectations.
I do a lot of research on anger and stumbled upon complex PTSD and felt that the symptoms were the most accurate when it comes to describing my anger.
I don't really know what to say here, so I'll just say everything that's on my mind.
So I am always * pissed off.
It gets to me most when people slight me, in my face and think that they can get away with it.
I go back home ruminating over the situation over, and over, and over in my head. I'd create wild scenarios about how I'd kick my wrongdoers' asses. It's always only about violence in my head.
Yet, I've never gotten in a fight before in my life, which makes me feel like I am not a man or that I have not been allowed to express myself properly, hence all the penned up anger.
I am a good person... I don't do stupid * to get myself in trouble. I want to maintain that of course, but ironically, I am so angry all the time.
I guess I have what you call "hypervigilence." When I get out of the house and see random stranger dudes, I am all like "I can take this guy on." If it's a bad day, I'd then create a scenario of how I'd fight him then.
And the things that piss me off can be so... mild sometimes. It could be my little niece being rude to me. I don't think of kicking her *, but I'd think of screaming at her.
It's just so tiring to feel angry all the time. I am holding on to a lot of things, some dating back to 10 years ago. I just can't let it go. I gnaws at me that my wrongdoers get away with it, and so, being angry is how I find my own justice, in my head.
But it hurts. I get angry at home, in my room randomly every, single * day. I end up breaking a lot of things around the house.
Am I overthinking it? It's not like I got sexually abused or went to war before. I lead a good life. I am grateful for so many things, but yet, I still feel all this anger.
What do I do?
Also, just to point out, my dad died 10 years ago. I can safely say then that that was when it all started growing in strength. Not started, but grow.
Any comments would help. I've no expectations.