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I'm so happy you spoke up as I know there were others listening who needed to hear that.

Very understandable to feel wrecked by this dynamic and loss

Maybe just a short "really dad?" Let him know you see his BS. Then whatever you want to do with that relationship go ahead and do it. My sister uses this phrase a lot...it's not my style but I tend to give people more benefit of the doubt than is deserved..."when people show you who they are the first time, believe them"

Oh wow geez that's even worse...you've been no contact for NINE YEARS from her and he sent that? I think I was maybe assuming it was still a pretty new concept to him. Goodness. That is an ungodly amount of denial and gaslighting from him in that case. Geez. And gross...with the situation with his current wife you definitely wouldn't want to make my sarcastic quip about a new mom.

    

 

I'm a sacracstic *** so I'd probably write back "what mom? You mean the one who we talked about being abusive? Nope, not celebrating with that one. Got another mom for me I should know about?"

Or softer: "Dad we talked about my relationship with mom and how harmful it was, remember? Mothers Day is pretty difficult for me and causes a lot of grief and it really hurts that you would ignore that. I wish I had a mom that I could spend the day celebrating with, but I don't. It would help if you would acknowledge the difficult truth here."

I'm sorry he sent that. He is either guilt tripping you or really wants to pretend everything is fine.

Knowing out histories helps so much.

 

You aren't crazy. Badly badly injured. I'm sorry.

 

Oh my word that sounds horrid!

 

Oh NK. The hospital can be such a dreadful place but also thank goodness for the care. I cannot believe how sick you got. I can't imagine how anxious you are to be able to go home and get out of there. And how anxious you might be to be able to build back strength and be able to workout again once you can you know...just breathe and walk. Hey...I'm trying to maintain some motivation to exercise. Ugh I hate it. I can only manage 5 minutes at a time for typically 15 minutes total, sometimes 30 if I'm being really really good. Thats from just not liking it, not losing stamina. I mean mental stamina yes I am losing mental stamina. Physical stamina is not the issue yet. Can you send me your excess motivation while you aren't using it? Pllleeeaaase? I won't use it all and when you are ready I'll give it all back. Promise.

Oh hey speaking of being annoying (me, being annoying)...give your horrid roommate a wicked proper American dragon-faced eyeroll for me.

Wishing you great health soon NK. You've been through a lot.

Very good to speak up for yourself. 

  x 10000

Forgiveness only seems possible to me if someone actively seeks it, as in there is true apology and intent to be different. Something to be done and given in response to someone seeking forgiveness.

Your mom's actions are not forgivable in my book and you owe no forgiveness. Anger is so very appropriate to the circumstances. You do not seem like an excessively angry or vengeful person. I don't believe your lack of forgiveness or your anger are in any way a problem or flaw.

I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

Definitely trust your instincts if that feels right to you. I don't have science, only an approach that helped me function as best I could with insomnia and needing to be able to function. It wasn't an ideal solution only one to hold my sanity given the circumstances.

Ah Slashy. That'll kill you in the long run. But I hear you...not doing it will probably kill you in the short run. I hope over time you find ways to slowly transition into safer ways of sleeping. That's said without judgment and just complete empathy.