As a child was abused both mentally and physically which led to developing cptsd. Could go through all the events but the trauma's occurred over many years and were reoccurring the center of the spider web of course was my mother. She caused much of the chaos. One psychologists told me she might be borderline with psychotic features and narcissistic while my father suffered from ptsd from war and step father was paranoid schizophrenic so the whole crew had severe problems.
Myself I am detached from people even when present sometimes. My first 5 years was so detached did not communicate with anyone, viewed everyone has dangerous like some creature to stay away from. Also had feelings of guilt, shame, anger, low self esteem, distorted views of how I looked or who I really am, very isolated and alienated from people starting at a young age.
First gfriend was at age 30 and from overseas on vacation so this tells a small part of the detachment.
So cptsd, detachment and disorganized association may be the problems I though once time it might be autism but the psychologist said no but one never knows. My father was an older man when I was born, around 52 years old so that increased the general risk of autism but either way the traumas, lack of love and social interaction or positive interactions did damage of course,
So how do I reattach myself to the right people and become part of the community, with family and friends not always in survival war mode? what are concrete steps to help on this path? Career path? Social path? community/family/friends? Social is interconnected with career and almost all aspects of life so I must address the detachment and disorganized association aspects of things and get my mind away from war mode.
Myself I am detached from people even when present sometimes. My first 5 years was so detached did not communicate with anyone, viewed everyone has dangerous like some creature to stay away from. Also had feelings of guilt, shame, anger, low self esteem, distorted views of how I looked or who I really am, very isolated and alienated from people starting at a young age.
First gfriend was at age 30 and from overseas on vacation so this tells a small part of the detachment.
So cptsd, detachment and disorganized association may be the problems I though once time it might be autism but the psychologist said no but one never knows. My father was an older man when I was born, around 52 years old so that increased the general risk of autism but either way the traumas, lack of love and social interaction or positive interactions did damage of course,
So how do I reattach myself to the right people and become part of the community, with family and friends not always in survival war mode? what are concrete steps to help on this path? Career path? Social path? community/family/friends? Social is interconnected with career and almost all aspects of life so I must address the detachment and disorganized association aspects of things and get my mind away from war mode.