Hi

[tuathanas]

Hi All,

Just saying hello. Hated talking about this stuff for most of my life, it brought up paralyzing fear and shame/ self disgust. Also trained from day one that drawing attention to myself caused horrible things to happen. Not really words to describe the feeling of wanting to jump right out your skin because  of all the creepy crawlies while your head explodes with anxiety and anger and unable to say a word about it.

Anyway been doing quite a lot of meditation after getting deeply into yoga for a while prior. Have found I can handle some of these feelings now and it is quite a relief to talk about it so thought I would say hi after reading some of your posts.

I've been lucky to find a decent therapist out here in rural New Zealand (as far from my family as I could get I guess) and have gone twice. My first therapy sessions at age 40 so I've got some trust issues. The mind of a child does some strange things when in close contact with someone (or several someones) with little or no empathy and has to make sense out of their behavior. Fear is healthy if you can run away, if not it gets to be a bit much. I've spent far too much time feeding the anger beast, if you can find a way to feed compassion and empathy (for yourself especially) it will eventually pay off, I'm sure in a way that rage never can. Compassion for the devil can even be healthy, as long as you do it from a safe distance, like as far as possible. Sorry got preachy there.

All the best to you,

Dan

[bronwynn]

Dan, 

Since your struggles appear to be anxiety related, I am wondering if you have looked into EMDR? If not, this might be worth your while. My current therapist uses this, and it has been the best thing for all of those sensations and feelings that are so hard to chase away. Another related therapy, is "Tapping". It is something you can do for yourself at any time or any place, and doesn't look out of place, so people don't look at you like you are going nuts. There is a lot about it on youtube.   I hope you find it interesting.

[tuathanas]

Thanks,

Planning on doing the EMDR with my current therapist. I was asked to write down the 20 most traumatic memories which at first seemed like too few but it all gets strangely blurred. Glad to hear its working for you.